Working On It

Lately I’ve been thinking about this blog a lot.
I used to share my posts on my Facebook wall but not anymore, since at one point there were a bunch of people making fun of it in the neighborhood…
Which – to be honest- hurt me quite bad…
They made fun of my posts
my life
the things I wrote

My Love knows how much I love to write, to share.
He said that I could start a whole new blog, somewhere else, on a different site, maybe even my own site.
I said “No”, I wasn’t going to let some bullies ruin a blog I’ve been working on for yeeeeaaars.
It may have started as a rather childish one, talking about my favorite shows and such, but I will never, ever delete those posts.
Because just like me, my blog has grown up, you can even see it, going through the posts.

I won’t let some bullies years of hard work.
I love my blog, and I won’t abandon it.
It may seem like I don’t care about it that much anymore, since I don’t post as much as I used to , but you have to trust me on this one: I’m working on it!

Working on some big stuff, to bring back the spirit of BittersweetRomance;
* Travel
* Life
* Feelings
* Personal (from time to time)
* Lifestyle
* Music
* Television
* ….

My blog is just like me: I can’t be explained in just a few words
or sentences
you may know me for 40 years and still don’t know everything about me.
Just like my blog, I come in layers.

So hang in there, with me.

I also want to say a big thank you, thank you: for all the people that come and visit my blog, that support me, that comment.
The likes, the views… it means the world to me, not because I have a dream to become famous or such
but because I hope that somewhere, there’s someone sitting behind their computer, cellphone, … reading one of my posts and actually feeling like you’re not alone.
Feeling comforted in a way.
Maybe even smiling.

If I would have accomplished that, than I can be proud of myself. That’s what I’m doing it for.
So thank you, each and every one of you.
Thank you.

Talk to you soon



This Will Be The Last Time

As I was listening to my music today there was one thing that struck me, listening to the lyrics.

As you know, most songs are about love, so were these and most of them was about how we’re lost
without love and the effect people we love can have on us.

I heard this one song “first defeat” by Noah Gunderson (link in the bottom, give it a listen, beautiful song) about how his girl pushes him away and pulls him back time and time again…

It’s about how he finds it hard to keep her away when she throws herself right back at him.

I think most of us knows what that feels like, loving someone so much it hurts..
It doesn’t work when you’re together
but you can’t live without each other either.
It’s poison. A toxic relationship.

Every time when you fight and one of the two runs out you swear it’s the last time but like Noah sings:

“It’s the little things, that convince me to stay”

Each and every single time there are still these one or two little things that convince you to stay, although you know you should’ve left…

I may be in a very happy, loving, respectful relationship now and have been for the past three years, for which I’m eternally grateful, but I wasn’t always.

I’ve been used
cheated on
used again…

I’ve been in a toxic relationship for years
He was charming, and sweet
when he wanted to
when he was in a good mood
and he was unbelievably beautiful
a true god
I’ve only I would have known sooner what he really was

He was very fluent with words
had a golden tongue
Whenever he opened his mouth
or smiled
he could make you believe pretty much anything
which he did
for years and years

even when I was together with My Love
he still wouldn’t let me go
I was his
and always would be

He threw me out whenever he felt like it
and pulled me back whenever he felt like it

He constantly cheated on me
lied to me
used me
mentally abused me

and still he could make me believe that I was the bad guy
that I did him wrong

his kiss, his smile
pure toxic
one kiss, one smile
and I was back in

It took me years and years to cut him loose

Even to this day
he still won’t leave me alone
thank god for My Love
who stands by my side
and supports me
and defends me
and talks some sense into me whenever The Other One tries to reel me back in

so please, if this sounds familiar to you
note this very well:
It’s not your fault
and no matter how “happy” or “special” he (or she) sometimes makes you feel: it’s not real.
It’s all part of an act.
Deep down inside you know you’re not really happy.

It’s nothing compared to the real stuff
trust me

Find help and support in your friends
Don’t try to deal with this on your own
Don’t underestimate the effect it has on you
Don’t lie for him/her
Don’t try to make them better by telling stories about them

Write everything down if you must
all the wrong things they did to you
all the lies
the hurt
all the nights you cried your eyes out

Read it
Look at it
and face it

Find support
a listening ear

But the first real step is up to you
Let it go
Let them go

Tell yourself you’re better than that
You deserve better

and never look back

Trust me, it’s not worth it.


Article: Are You An Outgoing Introvert?

I got a notification that this site linked me, as they used an image I used in one of my posts.

I feel very flattered that they used my image since it’s linked to a post I can very much find myself in, as I’m an outgoing introvert as some might have noticed.

Feel free to check this great article, and again: thanks to the site for naming me!

Autumn Leaves and Wary Thoughts

The past few months I’ve been through a roller coast of emotions.
Things changed, in more than one way in my life.
Ever since we started living together I was able to understand my mom better; her little frustrations concerning household and my dad she had.
The regular complaining from time to time.

My boyfriend too doesn’t take his laundry downstairs and throws it in the basket, which makes me go up and down the dangerous stairs with a basket dozen of times.
My boyfriend too just throws his clothes as he pleases in the bedroom
He too forgets to put his chair back under the table after eating
He too always has the television on, even during dinner (when I really want to have an actual conversation)
He too often forgets that I’m not his maid or mother, but his girlfriend, his partner.

Just like my dad used to do and still does from time to time.
Little things that can become quite irritating after a while, luckily I love him too much to really let it bother me.

So the past few months, I went from being a young, working lady to an actual women.
I became the keeper of a household.
I have a boyfriend, a young cat and a cute little dwarf bunny to take care of.
And yes, I’m the only girl in the family (all the testosteron!)
Luckily, all 3 of my men are cutiepies.
When they want to be.

I suddenly got much more responsibility
bills to take care off
chores to do
I do feel the difference
I became a real adult
So the past few months I’ve been searching for myself as well, who am I as an adult?
What do I want? What do I need?
What do WE need?
What’s best?
What’s possible?

So where do I see myself?

I still see myself the way I always did: as a loving, caring person who looks after other people more than I tend to look after myself
I care about people that I love
and I tend to make sure that they are doing just fine , or even better.

I still would love to be a young, loving mother
a good wife

so that sure are some things to look forward to.
Now it’s waiting until my love pops the question (hopefully soon!)
I’ve been deep deep down.
I kind of forgot who I was
Lost myself
in work and bad friends
I’ve had to deal with some pretty bad comments, concerning my appearance and weight
I got called “fat” and “overweight” more than I care to admit.

People even went so far to tell me that if I wouldn’t lose some weight I’d never be able to get pregnant
or get an ugly and unhealthy baby.

So yeah, time’s been hard from time to time.

It’s not always easy, growing up while some people still treat you like a little child, but I’m slowly getting there.
I know I’ll have some ups and downs again
but I’ll know that in the end I’ll get through them, just like I always have.

It’s not easy working on keeping yourself, your personality, hopes, dreams,… intact
while also taking care of others
working to keep everything balanced.

My work is sometimes so badly organized that my love and I barely see each other for a couple of days
or weeks even…

I’ve got my work
He got his sport
sometimes it’s hard to keep the two balanced but we try our best
and the love, the admiration is still there.

Even as I’m writing this right now, I’m sitting on the bench on the side of the field watching his practice and he still looks so stunning my heart often skips a beat
every day
every morning
every evening
I tend to fall in love with him all over again
Even when we had a fight the night before
even if we did went to bed angry, I can never leave the house without kissing him good morning as I get up to go to work

To me
he gets more and more beautiful every day
he too has become more mature
and better in it
he still makes mistakes
but he knows when he has done something wrong and he’ll do his best to fix them, in his own way.

We may fight from time to time
but I still wouldn’t trade him for any other guy.

My lovely love’s practice is over now, and he’s smiling his magnificent smile as he walks up to me
I better wrap this post up
and close my laptop

because I have a lovely, perfect boy to kiss

talk to you soon my lovelies!


You Used To…

You used to be so tenderly
now your touch has gone cold
You used to be so caring
now you couldn’t care less
You used to wipe away my tears
now you are the reason I cry

You used to always be there
Now you are the one that leaves me behind

You used to tell me everything, no secrets
Now you are the one that shuts me out

You used to be the one I gave my all to
Now you are the one I can’t stand to be with