Grateful Heart

Ever since my burnout I try to start each day with a grateful heart.
Sometimes it comes easily, when I wake up and see my gorgeous love lying next to me.
The sight of my sleeping beauty always tends to warm my heart and make me get up with a smile.
I get up, give the cat and pygmy rabbit their morning food and a hug and stroke, get my cereal and then go back upstairs, eating my cereal on the bed next to him.
He then always softly wakes up just a tiny bit and starts stroking my back in an ever so sweetly way.
When I’m done eating I spend 10-15 minutes wrapped in his arms, snoozing, until his alarm goes off and it’s time for us to get ready.

We leave the house together, kissing each other goodbye and wishing the other one a nice day.
We call each time around noon.
It’s a habit.

In the evening, I get to spend more time next to him, close to him.
The moments where we’re lying next to each other, my head on his chest hearing his heartbeat, wrapped in his arms… those are the ones I cherish most of all.

Those days are easy to be grateful for, because after all: how could you not?

But like every person, I too -unfortunately- have my dark days as well.
Where I feel hurt, even without reason sometimes.
Where I am mad at him.
Had a bad day at work.
Felt misunderstood.

Where I see
read
hear
things that make me lose faith in humanity.

When instead of beautiful, life seems hard. Unfair. Harsh.
Where I lose my trust in people I thought were good friends.
Where I feel disappointed.

I myself am a rather gentle person, very caring.
I always put everyone else before me, and I find it very important to be gentle, respectful and kind to everyone. Even those that may not deserve it.
Especially those that don’t deserve it, nothing pisses them off more than someone not reacting to their rudeness and someone that’s being kind instead.

I always try to smile.
And sometimes, you get a door slammed in your face and feel very disappointed.
But sometimes, every once in a while, people respond in an even kinder way.

I find it so normal that this is how people should behave towards one another, that I tend to get very disappointed when I get a door slammed in my face…

It’s true that most people got more selfish, self-absorbed and numb.
But it’s for the one’s that aren’t and keep fighting rudeness and cruelty that I get up in the morning.

It’s those kind of people that make the world go round, spreading the love.
Restoring faith in humanity.
Showing that we can in fact make a difference.

I choose to try and see the best in everyone, even the cruel ones.
Although I have to admit that some people make it very very hard.

I choose to be happy
to let my life be filled with love.
Friends.

I choose to be kind.
I choose to be open.

I choose to be grateful.

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Let’s Get You Up-To-Date

Hello my lovelies

It’s been a way too long time and I apologize to anyone that was concerned about me, since my latest post wasn’t the most happy one.

I’ve been busy getting myself further and further out of my depression.
I started seeing a psychologist, which I still do today.
It’s not what I expected, but that’s a problem I will later solve.
I started working again, my first day was 26 april, I work as a household maid.
Not a fancy job, but it has good hours (from 8 a.m. ’till 4.30 p.m.), no weekends, no holidays, …
which allows me to pursue something else I’ve been wanting for a very long time, but didn’t have the balls to do up until now, with the full support of my love: I’m going back to school.
In September I will start a new course, which will take at least 3 years to complete; Family studies.
Basically I will be the person always defending the interests of families, helping their with their relationship with other people, with each other..

You can do a lot of different things with the study, although I don’t know if you guys have the same agencies and services in your country.

For example: In Belgium you have a sort of student counseling, based in the school (CLB).
When a student gets send their it can be for multiple reasons; to help them with their studies, give them tips, ways to study, to help them solve personal problems, problems at home…

They are not a psychologist, but they mostly act as a intermediary, a negotiator which always defends the interests of the one in need.

You can also work for welfare services, foster care agencies, refugee homes, ….
you can go a lot of different ways.

It really wide actually, hard to describe, but trust me when I say it’s sounds truly fascinating. I can’t wait to begin! So looking forward to the lessons!

Same as with my studies to become a nursing auxiliary, it’s always been my dream, my goal to be able to help people. Make a difference. No matter how small.

Since I myself come from a rather… troubled home, I even more want to be able to properly help, which I felt wasn’t realistic while being “just” an auxiliary nurse.
I needed to become more, to be able to do more. To not feel so restricted anymore.
Which is why I took this decision. It’s going to be hard, I’m aware, and I know a lot of people doubt me, but I at least have to try or else I’ll never forgive myself for not even trying.
It’s a bachelor diploma, which means at least 3 years of studies.
Which also means that when I graduate, I can do lots of various jobs, even in other working fields, since in Belgium, for most jobs you merely need a bachelor diploma, no matter about what subject.

Which is why I started working the job I know do:

* I am home when my love is
* I am able to choose my own hours (less or more) from time to time
* I have the same customers each week
* No more weekends = more able to meet up with friends and do fun stuff
* The possibility to study
* Also I would like to start exercising again in September
* A life

I don’t need to worry anymore that my cellphone will go off and it’s work, asking me to come do a late night shift, a night shift, ….
Asking me to come work in my weekend off..
I KNOW my schedule so I KNOW when I have a hard, busy day.
I can plan things.

Sadly, it has some negative points as well:
* No more colleagues; I have some, in the agency, but we never see each other since we all have our own clients
* You’re always alone -most of my customers are home, but it’s not the same…-
* It’s psychically hard work: really bad for your back, shoulders,… It’s tougher than working in the nursing home.
* It’s mostly the same , everywhere. In theory we can do lots of different tasks (cooking, cleaning, groceries, ironing,…) but all customers ask the same: cleaning.
* Most clients have an unrealistic view of what is able to do in 4 hours and expect A LOT, which makes it quite exhausting from time to time…

But all that aside, I still mostly like it. It’s very rewarding, in a way.
Last week, I signed my final contract and I have to admit that I felt a bit proud.

I really feel as if I’m pulling myself out of the dark pit that my depression was, finally, I can see the light again.
I feel more like myself again.
And the fact that I have so many beautiful things to look forward to… it thrills me!
None of this would’ve been able without the support of my amazing love though.

He is the one that opened my eyes and showed me the light once again.
Things haven’t been easy, I haven’t been easy, but we made it through just like we always have.

So with this enormous, long post I will leave  you  for now my lovelies.
And for the ones it may interest, here is a link to the site with explanation about my future study.
http://www.hig.be/en

All my love,

– Britt

 
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