Nonsense

Whenever I’m near you
there’s only nonsense coming out of my mouth.

Words, sentences, just don’t seem to make sense anymore.
Nothing really does anymore.

Nothing but you.
Only you.

Always you.
Forever you.

Your presence filling up every hole in my soul.
Your spirit brightening mine up.

Your smile causing me to smile.
Smile so hard that I look like a fool.

But I am.
I’m a fool for you.

BabyLove, you make me go gaga.
Out of my mind.

You take me up and bring me down.
You make me fly, and crash down.

And I love you for it.
If nonsense is the only thing I can say around you,

then I better not say anything.
And just kiss you already.

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Happily Ever After

This was her big day.
The day she’d been dreaming of ever since she was a little girl.
She’d have the perfect wedding.
The perfect dress, the perfect day, the perfect guests, and most of all: the perfect groom.

It had all fallen into place.
They had met a few years back and it had been love at first sight.
Their love was so intense and they spend so much time together that people told them it could never last.
They said that this love was too good to be true.

But still, they made it last.
They made it.
They showed the world that fairytales do exist, and that people can live happily ever after.

Today was yet another chapter in their love.
Their wedding day.

Her hair was done beautifully, her make up was enchanting.
She looked like a true fairytale princess.

He had proposed to her on a romantic evening out.
It was just like in the movies.
They had the most romantic dinner and were going to end the evening with a dessert.
When all of a sudden the waiter came with two champagne glasses.
In hers, there was a beautiful golden ring.
With a big but elegant diamond on it.

As soon as she noticed the ring he got off his seat and kneeled next to her.
“Aleera… ever since we met I fell in love with you.
And I haven’t stopped falling since.
We’ve been through so much, good and bad times.
We’ve had it rough.
We had people being against us.
Against our love.
But we made it nonetheless.
I love you more and more with every day.
So therefore I need to ask you this very important question: would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

She had been speechless for a few seconds.
Before stuttering “yes! of course!” and falling into his arms.

And now here they were, six months later.
Today, she’d marry her one true love.

As she walked down the isle while the music was playing
she saw him standing there.
He looked so heartbreaking beautiful.
As he turned around, her heart skipped a beat.

Then everything went by way too fast for her, but she enjoyed every moment of it.
They said there vows and then came that wonderful moment.
“Then I pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride”
As he leaned in to give her the best kiss she ever had.
It was pure magic.

After the kiss, while she was still trying to catch her breath he leaned in and whispered in her ear.
“And they lived happily ever after…”

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Future Dreams

I want to have children someday.
I know that now more than ever.
I’ve been a babysit ever since I was seventeen years old, which means I’ve been babysitting for about four years now.
When I was little, one of my dreams was to become a kindergarten teacher.
I love children. Love them.
I’m a very beloved babysit as well.

I’m babysitting as I’m writing this as well.
A few minutes ago, I heard a loud bang upstairs.
I immediately ran up the stairs.
Apparently, the oldest one of the two little children had fallen out of his bed.
He has a net above his bed, wrapped around his bed.
Hanging by a hook in the ceiling, and apparently he had had a bad dream or such because when I arrived the net was down and the little boy was tangled in the net.
Of course he was crying, so the first minutes I just held him close to me, swaying him softly.

It felt so good.
It always feels so good when children adapt to you
Even though I’ve been babysitting here a couple of times, the children never saw me, because they’re always in bed when I arrive.
And still, this little boy completely trusted me right away.
He didn’t cry because he saw a stranger.
Or because he was held close by someone he had never seen before, even though I would be surprised at least when suddenly when I’d wake up from a bad dream that there’d be a stranger holding me.

Not these children.
They trust me.
Get soothed by my touch.
My voice.

Children… they are so loving.

I know I’m still young, and I know that my boyfriend and I haven’t been together THAT long but still…
I can just imagine what our children would look like.A daughter with my long golden blonde hair and his green-brown-blue-gray eyes.
A boy with his dark black hair and my blue eyes.
Other combinations.
They would be beautiful no matter what combination they’d have.

I can’t wait to live on my own , most of all I’d love to live together with my love.
And someday have our own house.
And hopefully, children.

 Who knows.
A girl can dream, right?

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My Ray Of Sunshine

Things are going better between my boyfriend and I.
I’m glad that we are doing better again.
It’s been a rather hard time on me.
Of course, we’re still not completely back to where we used to be, but still, it’s a start.

Our love can handle it.
I know that now, but we won’t have it easy in the future as well.
If all goes well, I’ll start my education April 22nd and he’s thinking about taking adult education, evening school…
I’ll study/work during the day, and when I get off, he’ll start his school… -sigh-

I’m scared for the future.
I think about it a lot, mostly during the night.
I’m so terribly scared to lose him.

And then there he is.
He takes me in his arms as we lay next to each other in my bed.
He holds me close and whispers ‘I love you’ in my ear.
I can only sleep when I’m in his arms, or feel him next to me.
I can only stop thinking about all the bad things and the rough parts whenever we’re together.

He’s my safe zone.
My home base.
Wherever he is, I want to be.
Wherever he is, I know that I’ll be happy there.

I need him in my life, everyday.
Seeing him, being with him is like breathing.
Without it, I simply die.

My younger brother and sister also totally adore him.
When we first met, he was still coaching my little brother.
My brother already looked up to him back then.
So he’s very proud that he and I are now together.
To him, my boyfriend is like the big brother that he never had.

To my sister, he’s the big brother she never had as well.
And a good friend.
To me, he’s my true love.
My life.
The reason I’m alive.

Even my grandmother says that I need to stay with him for the rest of my life.
And I’m planning on doing so.

Tomorrow evening, (Friday) he’ll stay over and sleep with me.
Spend the night.
It’s been so long since we slept together.
Since I got to wake up in his arms in the morning.
My parents are gone until Saturday evening.
And since my brother has his birthday this Saturday, him and I planned to take him to the movies, to see ‘Jack The Giant Slayer’, a movie he had been whining for for the past month.
Of course, we’re not going to tell my brother.
It has to be a surprise what we’re going to do.

I love him.
So much, that just saying that I love him, even thousand times a day just isn’t enough.
So I tell him that I love him so much, that it hurts.
It hurts, because my heart is so filled with love for him that it feels as it’s about to burst.

If this isn’t true love, 
then I don’t know what is.
Because every time I look into those eyes, I feel perfectly happy.
Peaceful.
Crazy in love.
And tell me, what feeling is better than that?

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Bittersweetly Beautiful pt.1

A few months ago -November if I’m right- I uploaded a Dutch text ( ‘Bitterzoete Pracht‘ ), talking about an abusive relationship.
I promised my English readers/followers that I’d translate it into English for them.
So I am.
Also, I decided to upload this post in three to four parts, since it’s originally about 5 pages long. Too long for a normal blog post.
So, as promised, here is the first part of the story.
I hope you guys like it.
As always, please feel free to leave a comment, so I know if you guys think it’s any good or not.
Enjoy.

The song “I love the way you lie” by Rihanna and Eminem was playing in the background.

“How fitting…” Alenia bitterly thought. She and Dorian had just had one of their well known and already famous fights again. Until he angrily stormed out of the house, after smacking the front door close hard. And once again, the reason was so stupid. He and his damned jealousy…

After school she had been talking to a classmate of her new class with whom she got along real good. And yes, it was a boy. Derek was just giving her a hug because she had had a rough day at school, when a furious Dorian came storming off in their direction. He punched Derek right on his left cheek with his clenched fist.

“Dorian, what the fuck are you doing now?!” She had screamed. But nothing helped. He was going out of his mind, and just kept punching Derek. “Dorian!” She screamed at the top of her longs. She jumped on him, in an attempt to drag him of off Derek, but she wasn’t strong enough. Still she kept trying. Until suddenly, she herself got a smack by Dorian. “Stay of off me, you slut!” The smack had been so hard that she fell down on the ground, hard. Her head hit the floor with a huge smack and she lost consciousness.

The next thing that she remembered was waking up in a white hospital bed, with no idea how she ended up there, or what had happened before. She looked around, and saw Dorian standing. He was standing by the window, with his back towards her.

Her mouth felt parched, her throat like sandpaper, but she tried to speak.

“Dorian” was all she managed to say, more wasn’t possible.

He turned around and smiled as he walked towards the bed. “Look who just woke up.” He lovingly stroked her hair. She was still confused and still had no idea what had happened. “Dorian… what happened? I..” she said with great effort. He put a finger on her lips. “Ssshtt, don’t talk too much just yet. You’re still very weak. You’ve had a little accident. You slipped and fell, it was a rather ugly fall. But you’re okay now, everything will be alright.” He kissed her forehead.
“It hurts” she mumbled. “I know baby, I know it does.” He sat next to her on the bed, careful to not cause her any more inconvenience or hurt her. “You go and get some more rest, I’m with you, everything’s alright.” Reassured by this thought she closed her eyes and sank in a heavenly, deep, sleep. 

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Passion & Love

Passion.
To me it’s one of the key elements in a relationship.
It’s what keeps the relationship, the love alive.
That desire to see him again.
That desire to touch his skin.
To feel his naked skin pressed against mine.
It’s such a great urge.

So when we lost our passion, it hurt me. A lot.
It still does.
I felt as if we were losing ourselves.
Who we where.
Who we had been.
The passionate, crazy-in-love but oh so adorable couple.

I was scared that we’d lose our love.
I missed the way he looked at me.
As if I was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen.
So sexy and attractive.
I know that he used to desire me.

But his look went away.
The touches got less.
Things got… routine.
Cooler.

I have a feeling though, that we’ll get better.
That we can make it.
That we can once again be the couple I used to know.
The couple I used to love.

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