The Final Countdown- The Road To Love

At last, the family crisis here at home seems to be solved.
Mom and dad are talking to each other again and there staying together, or at least for now.

Also, they’ll be going on vacation at last.
Which means that I’ll have the house all to myself for almost three and a half weeks.
Which means that my love is going to move in with me for three weeks and after my parents, brother and sister are back home, his parents ‘ll have left, along with his youngest brother.
So I’ll be able to live with him for about two weeks as well.
Which means that we’ll be living together for about five weeks in total.

I’m really counting the days.
The rest of my family is going to leave Wednesday night.
I’m counting the days…

I’m in a desperate need of the peace and quiet that hangs around the house whenever I’m home alone.
And even more now that I know that my love ‘ll be home.
Of course, I’ll be working all day, but maybe I could change that and work a little more night shifts?
It’s an idea.
That way I can stay up later in the evening and I get to stay longer with him in the morning.
Maybe even have breakfast together, or wake up together.

Of course, that would make it harder to prepare dinner when I come back home in the evening.
It’s just an idea, first I need to see what is possible and what would be best.

I kinda hate the fact that I’ll be working at my internship…
I’d rather stay at home and constantly spend time with him.
Although I enjoy our moments even more know that I don’t hear him during the day.
Makes me count the hours till I see him again even more.

We already started to make plans.
What we’ll do, what we’ll eat, …
For example, we’re going to do a cheese and wine evening.
Probably on a Friday evening.
Or in the weekend.

Who knows, maybe I’ll finally see his more romantic side?
A girl can dream, right?

Anyway, work or no work, it’s going to be great.
I just know it.
We’re going to have a great time, no doubt.

I’m counting the days till then…

I’m so looking forward to falling asleep in his arms at night 
and waking up in his arms in the morning.
To go buy groceries with him on Saturday’s.
To live our own life in my house.
To do whatever we want whenever we want.

I’m so looking forward, to all of it.


What Are You Now?

You have no idea what you’re doing to me, to us.
I wonder if you really even care.
You just go ahead, making decisions on your own, not knowing how much they affect every other life in this house.
You simply don’t care, or you’re just too stubborn to see.
I see you walking around, sometimes I even hear you.
But you’re nothing more than a ghost, living in this house.
Sometimes you make your presence known, but that’s all there is.
You don’t do any of the tasks you’re supposed to do anymore, you simply are.
But what you are right now, I don’t even know.


Life Changing Decisions – Bye Bye Life…

You know , sometimes we think we got life all figured out.
We’re happy with the life that we’re living.
We know that it isn’t perfect, but we’re happy with what we have.

Well, so was I.
My life wasn’t perfect but I was happy.
I have a great boyfriend who lives only three streets from here, my friends are the best, …

And then all of that changed.
I can’t really tell what it is though, because I promised to keep it in the family.
But it’s just so big that I simply can’t keep it in.
So I told my boyfriend, whom is also pretty much my best friend and guardian angel.

It was something my parents told me, my sister and brother.
It caused some pretty bad reactions.
People started crying.
I, being the eldest of the children, took care of my brother.

If what they said is really going to happen, which I’m terribly afraid for, it will changes all five of our lives.
Nothing will be the same.
And only now, I realized that it would also affect my relationship with my love.
In a bad way.

My world would just come crashing down.
It would burn to ashes.
And there’d be nothing that I can do about it.

I’m just helplessly, powerlessly watching from the side.
Afraid, terrified of what might happen.
Of what the results might be.
I’m desperately trying to find out what’s going on.
Trying to find another way.
A milder one.

I fear for the cause.
I really do…
And I can’t stop these tears from coming…


The End Is Near

Struggling, crawling, crying,…
it’s a hard fight.
A though fight.
A real battle.
It’s war.
And many have lost their lives.
Many couldn’t handle the pressure.
They gave into the dark.
But the end is near.
All the blood, tears and sweat I spilled are going to be rewarded.
The end is near.


Thank god the exams are almost over! 😉

Desperation and Perseverance

Tomorrow I’ll have my last exam, and I’ll get my exam results.
I know if the story will continue, or if  this is the end of the line.
I’m feeling double.
On one hand I feel rather…confident, sure.
But on the other hand I still feel the anxiety.
The fear to fail.
I really want this to work.
I want it.

I already have plans starting tomorrow, to celebrate that my exams are over.
Tomorrow noon, I’ll go to see my boyfriend.
It’s been a whole week, and I miss him like crazy.
I can’t wait to hug, kiss and hold him.
To smell, see and touch him.

We’ll have lunch together and then I’ll probably fall asleep for a little while in his arms.
In the evening I first have band practice and then I’ll come back home and probably watch a movie with him.
Nice, quiet and cosy.
Nothing hard. Nothing difficult.

Saturday, I’ll have lunch at his place as well.
In the afternoon we’ll go to the wellness centre we’ve been twice before.
There will be 3 friends waiting for me, because we’re all going together. The five of us.
For my birthday.
I get in for free and the other ones just pay €20 as an entrance.
We’ll get a bottle of cava as well.
I’m so looking forward to it!
They are all great friends that I haven’t seen for far too long.

In the evening, I don’t know what my love and I will do.
We’ll see.

Sunday afternoon we’re going to visit my old high school.
I want to say “hi” to some old teachers of mine, let them know how I’m doing.
Daddy is seeing it as going to tell them that I’ve failed college, I don’t.
I trust these people, I know they wouldn’t just judge me.
They were the ones who helped me through high school.
It’s not their fault that I failed.
And who knows, maybe I’ll be able to proudly tell them that I’ve chosen a completely different path.
That I’ve chosen a course that ‘ll get me a job where I can actually make a big difference.
Where I’ll be between life and death.
Changing lives.

I hope I can tell them that.
That I’ve passed my exams.
I hope they’d be proud of me.

I want people to be able to finally be proud of me.
Instead of looking like the all time failure that I used to be.
I’ve changed, and I hope my exams will show that.
I hope that my motivation has showed that.

I really want this chance, with both hands.
I didn’t get this far to just… fall out now.
To quit.
To fail.

I’m going to succeed.
I have to.
I need to.
I want to.


Exam Anxiety

I just finished studying my exam for tomorrow.
Well… my attempt to study it that is.
It’s about 30degrees in here, and even though I sat outside in the wind, the heat was still irritating and blocking me.

I read all of the text sooo many times but nothing seems to really stay in my brains.
I’m going to bed now so I get up early (5a.m.) to repeat and revise.

I’m really starting to miss my boyfriend as well.
I already did from the first day, but it’s getting reaaaaally bad now.
I’m counting the time until I can be back in his arms.

Well, I’m off to bed now.
Hoping to finally get some sleep in this heat.

And hoping to succeed tomorrow.
Wish me luck!


Off To The Exam

I’m about to leave for my third exam.
I have some nerves, but not that much really.
The big difference with these exams is that unlike all the others I’ve ever done, this time I actually believe in myself.

I REALLY want this.
So I can only do my best and hope.

I’m counting down the days though, ’till the exams are over.
I hate studying.
And I miss my boyfriend.

Well, time to go.
Wish me luck!