These Words Are My Own

I want to write about these things that I feel in my heart,
coming from within, from my soul.
I want to talk about what it is that you do to me, 
but words simply aren’t enough, capable to express what it is that I feel.

Because baby, looking into your gorgeous eyes
I burn with the heaviest desire.
I die because I want you so badly
that it just wouldn’t be healthy anymore.

I need you, constantly.
Every heartbeat of mine needs to be answered by one of yours.
I breath the air you breathe.
I would kill for one of your kisses, because they are pure drugs to me.

I need you, I love you, I’d kill for you, die for you.
A day without you is a day wasted.
For almost a year long, I’ve been calling you mine, all mine.
Showering you with love.

Please promise me that we’ll do our best to keep it this way.
To stay the adorable, cute, cuddly couple that I’ve grown to love so much.
Our passion and love is what makes us this strong.
This special.

I love you more than I could ever love anyone else.
You really are my one true love.

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Because I Need You To

Kiss me, like that very first time.
Touch me, like you did once.
Hold me, like you never held me before.
Love me, as if it’s the last time.

Kiss me, because I need you to.
Touch me, because I long for you.
Hold me, because I need to feel your arms around me.
Love me, to show me that everything ‘ll be alright.

Kiss me, with your sweet lips.
Touch me, ever so smoothly.
Hold me, firm as never before.
Love me, the way only you loved me.

Kiss me, because I’m dying to kiss you.
Touch me, because I need to feel your touch.
Hold me, because it’s the only way I can stop these tears from falling.
Love me, because I’m starting to doubt if you still do…

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Letter To My Love

I’m scared.

Scared that my internship/education is going to fail.
Scared of what will happen then.
Scared that you will start to love me less and less 
because I cry so much.
Or because I get bored so easily.
I’m scared that you will need me less.
While I need you more and more with everyday.
I’m afraid of the rut where we seem to be finding ourselves in.
I’m afraid that I’ll get tired of us one day as well.
Or that I’ll start irritating  myself over things that really don’t matter.
I’m scared of losing you.

I’m afraid of how I’m currently feeling.
Depressed, alone.
The one moment all I want is to be alone
but then as soon as you leave, I cry.
I am afraid of my own fickleness.
And I’m afraid that I can’t take everything that is currently happening .
Physically, mentally and emotionally

I am scared because I don’t know what is going to happen.
I am afraid that I’ll disappoint everyone.
Especially you.

You’re my most precious possession.
The person I care about the most.
If I lose you, I’m over. 

I hope I may find the strength to get over this bump in my road.
Because that’s all it is.
I just need to dare make the jump.

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Love Is Whenever I’m With You

Love is whenever I wake up next to you.
Love is whenever I see your beautiful smile, all the time.
Love is when I drown in your eyes.

When I feel completely helpless, so totally and deeply lost in you.
And yet you’re the only one that can save me.
When love is in every touch we have.

Love is whenever your fingers touch my skin.
Softly. Tenderly. Lovingly.
Ever so gently.

Love is in every look we share.
Love is being able to sit next to each other, you playing the xbox, me playing the laptop.
Love is being able to keep distance.

Love is taking care of each other.
Through good and bad times.
We support and love each other.

Love is being able to act like complete idiots together the one moment
and have a really deep talk the next.
Love is being able to share our deepest secrets.

Love is being able to let me act like the little child I sometimes can be,
carefree.
As I skip around the forest.

For almost a year long we’ve been showing people our love.
Our beautiful, beautiful love.
For I think there is no better love than ours.

Love is whenever I’m with you, 
always by your side.

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Sometimes They Come Back

You know how sometimes there are certain persons that you never ever want to see again because something happened between the two of you?

Have you ever had them suddenly coming back, appearing as if brought back alive from the dead?

I sure have.
And it happened again tonight.

About a year ago while I was studying to become a teacher in my first year of higher education in college I had a gang of friends with whom I’d always hang out.

We skipped some classes together, we had fun, we talked, we laughed, we cried, we went out, …
It just may have been the best time of my life.
There were five of us: three girls, two guys.
Four out of five had nicknames, I didn’t.
You had Smokey, The Godfather, Mr.Hyde and The Hobbit.

As I said before, we were a great gang.
I was close with all of them, but with The Godfather maybe just a tad more.

He liked me, there was some physical attraction.
I wasn’t in love with him though, neither was he with me.
We just thought each other to be physically attractive.
Two beautiful people right?

I loved him so much as a friend.
So much, that when last summer when I won an exclusive avant-première of the latest and last Batman: The Dark Knight Trilogy (the dark knight rises) I invited him to come with me, along with two other friends of mine.

He came early that day and we spend the day at my house, getting ready, having a drink (he had brought a bottle of wine over), we ate together, …

We had a great time together.
A few days later, the gang and I went out in a city nearby.
Two days before that evening, I had been with a boy.
My current boyfriend.

We had kissed two nights ago, but I still didn’t know if that meant whether we were or weren’t together now.
I texted him all evening.
So much, that my friends asked me to invite him over.
So I asked if he would like to join us, and he did.
He came over and we had a great night.

The Godfather, a good friend as he was gave us his blessing and smiled all evening at the sight of my happiness with that boy.
Whom I still love more and more everyday, even though we’ve been together for almost a year now.

And after that great night, all went wrong.
The Godfather didn’t answer any of my texts, mails, …
He simply disappeared.

I saw him once or twice very awkwardly, but I felt that things had changed.

He started to ignore the rest of the gang as well.

It went on.
And we went on with our lives, wondering though what we did wrong to make him treat us that way.
The only one he was still talking to, was Mr.Hyde.
The girls, he ignored.

So tonight, me, my boyfriend, Mr.Hyde, Smokey, The Hobbit and three other people were going out.
In the same city were we always went out, because it’s where Smokey and The Godfather live.

We were sitting outside a bar, enjoying a cool summer night with a drink nearby when suddenly Smokey said that The Godfather was approaching us.
Indeed he was.
He was accompanied by two friends, two guys.
Mr.Hyde got up and ran after him, to say hi.
We all could see that The Godfather wouldn’t have stopped otherwise.

He had a talk with him, while the girls and I were discussing whether or not we should go and say hello.

The Hobbit got up, went over and came back.
Apparently, The Godfather had ignored her completely.
He didn’t even look at her.

Later, when he was about to leave, after I had burst out in tears at our table Smokey and I went over to him, saying hi and asking if we could talk to him for about two minutes.

He agreed.

As Smokey started talking to him, asking him the reason why he mistreated us that badly I choked.
She said that for months we’d thought that he was dead.
That we’d been worried sick.
He didn’t even look at me.
It was so hard.
He said that he simply had a lot of shitty things going on, and that he didn’t want to see or hear anyone.
Smokey said that instead of ignoring all those texts, mails, … he could’ve just answered that he needed some time and that he’d rather be left alone.
He said that he thought that would’ve been cruel and mean.
I couldn’t help but bitterly answer : ‘yeah sure, it’s much easier to just ignore…’
As he continued his stupid explanations I just couldn’t fight back the tears anymore.
So I walked away.

I just… walked.
As I started to panic.
My heartbeat speeding up,getting harder to breathe, …
I panicked.
It simply was too much.

My boyfriend ran after me and just held me, trying to console me.
I cried and told him that I really wanted to go home now.
He agreed and said that we’d leave right away.

So we did.

While we were on the road back home, I got a text from Mr.Hyde saying that The Godfather was still with them, talking things out.
I don’t believe that though.

How can you talk a year of ignorance out in only a few hours?
How can you make up for a year of frustration, anxiety, powerless feelings?
It’s simple.

You can’t.

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