Goodbye

It was hard to watch him leave.

Even harder when she realized that she was the one , leaving in a couple of hours from now.
Tears were making her sight rather blurry. Her heart felt as if it could break anytime.
She knew they’d only be apart for seven days, a week, but it felt like saying “Goodbye” for a way longer time.
She hated goodbyes, because she was never good at saying “Goodbye”.
Not in any way.
Hot tears were streaming down her cheek, smearing her mascara all over her wet cheeks.
He lovingly held her, as his hand stroked her cheek, softly wiping her tears away.
Gently kissing her.
The moment he had let go of her, she felt like she had lost a part of herself.
A very important, beautiful, absolutely necessary part.
She felt as if she was left alone, learning how to breathe, talk, smile again.
It hurt.
Like hell.
It really did.
But she knew that they’d be together again soon.

Just not soon enough.

Image

October Memories

Hey Guys!

So here’s the thing : I’m in a writing contest again, this time, you have to send a text or poem talking about desire, childhood memories, bittersweet romances ,… and if it’s good, a singer/songwriter will put it on music. And of course, I’m competing. I already send one text (the one called “Start of a fairytale” and these is one of the other texts. Let me know if you guys like it or not!

Although I might need to tell you, that once again it’s a text written in Dutch. So sorry for the English speaking people on here, but I’m working on an English text as well. Hoping to finish it soon.

October Memories 

Het was een koude Oktoberdag. Traag, half slenterend als het ware, wandelde ze door hoopjes bladeren die reeds van de bomen gerukt waren door de koude wind die al een tijdje door het land ging. De koude drong door haar jas door en ze rilde, terwijl ze haar kraag wat rechter trok, haar sjaal wat meer aansloot om haar hals en haar kin wegstopte in haar kraag. Wat was het toch verdomd koud. En zulk triestig weer.

Streepjes regen streelden haar wang terwijl ze haar weg vervolgde.  Het bospad had zwaar geleden onder de massale regen die de voorbije dagen als bakken uit de lucht was gevallen. Ze moest hier en daar haar evenwicht zien te bewaren terwijl ze een modderplas overstak, of een sprongetje moest wagen. Het was ijskoud, nat en de lucht was grauw, en toch maakte het springen over plassen haar vrolijk. Het deed haar terug denken aan haar jeugd. Aan het vrolijke kind dat ze was. Aan de leuke dingen uit haar jeugd. De simpele dingen.

De vreugde die het springen over plassen je bracht. Of nog beter, wanneer je kei hard door een plas fietste –het liefst zo’n hele grote die je echt niet kunt ontwijken- en dan je voeten van de pedalen haalde om ze op de buis van je fiets te plaatsen. Het prettige gevoel dat je kreeg wanneer je druppels rond je voeten op zag springen, wetende dat ze je niet zouden raken. Die herinnering deed haar prompt terug aan haar lagere school denken. Haar kleine buurtschooltje vlakbij het bos. Het is waar wat ze zeggen, achteraf bekeken is je schoolperiode de mooiste periode van je leven. Al was het op de moment zelf vooral een nachtmerrie voor haar. De pesterijen van de lagere school (en een deeltje middelbaar) lagen nog vers in het geheugen en waren zeker nog niet vergeten.

En toch… het zorgeloos spelen met vriendjes. Dingen als ‘Veel buiten in de zon spelen!’ op moeten schrijven als ‘huiswerk’, de spelletjes die ze speelden vlak voor de vakanties , met de hele klas. De uitstapjes die ze deden –waar iedereen altijd een heel schooljaar lang naar uit keek- , en niet te vergeten de laatste schooldag. Na de misviering terug te voet naar school gaan met de hele school, ingedeeld per klas om dan : ijsjes te eten! Hét hoogtepunt van het jaar. Hoewel ze helemaal niet gek is op ijs, was het toch altijd iets om naar uit te kijken.

Haar herinneringen bleven komen bij iedere stap die ze zette in de zompige aarde van het bos.

Het middelbaar. Het eerste middelbaar. Haar eerste schooldag. Ze had een hele nacht niet kunnen slapen van de zenuwen, gelukkiglijk kende ze al een paar mensen in haar klas, omdat het klasgenootjes van de lagere school waren. De eerste kennismaking met de nieuwe leerkrachten, de nieuwe manier van les krijgen –voor ieder vak een andere leerkracht, stel je voor!- en haar eerste grote liefde –natuurlijk had ze in de lagere school al een liefje gehad, maar dat was niet echt serieus-. Maar nu … ja, nu had ze zeker weten vlinders in haar buik.

Alles was nieuw, spannend, avontuurlijk, magisch bijna.

Terwijl de jaren verstreken , werd soms pijnlijk duidelijk dat de middelbare school niet altijd leuk was. Haar hart werd meermaals gebroken, ze kreeg terug te maken met pesterijen, haar punten op school waren niet altijd even goed en ze moest een jaar dubbelen en daardoor van school veranderen.

De verandering naar haar tweede middelbare school bleek een uitstekende keuze te zijn geweest, want op de moment zelf, en zelfs nu – twee jaar nadat ze afgestudeerd was- kon ze nog zeggen dat ze er de tijd van haar leven had gehad. De reizen naar Londen en Amsterdam zal ze nooit vergeten.

Al geld dat voor haar eerste secundaire school ook wel, de Engeland reis, toen ze opgedeeld werden in groepjes en gedurende drie dagen bij een Engels gezin verbleven. Schatten van mensen waar ze nu, zoveel jaren later, nog contact mee had.

Het waren unieke ervaringen geweest. En niemand kon haar dat nog afnemen.

Terwijl deze –en meer- herinneringen door haar gedachten raasden was er een grote , bijna kinderlijke glimlach op haar gezicht verschenen.

Ze huppelde over het bospad terwijl de zon eindelijk door de wolken had zien te breken.

De lucht klaarde op en ze lachte in zichzelf.

Eigenlijk mistte ze die tijd best wel, jong en onbezorgd zijn.

Je geen zorgen moeten maken over geld, werk, studies, …

Maar je kan niet altijd kind blijven, of wel?

Neuriënd huppelde ze het bos uit.

Oh jawel, hoe oud ze ook zal worden, welk werk ze later ook zou hebben, diep vanbinnen zou ze altijd dat kleine meisje blijven.

Image

Awakening

Whenever he touches me, I feel shivers move down my spine.

When his lips touch the bare skin of my neck, my heart beats so fast I think I’ll faint.

When he kisses me while his hand is stroking my cheek or neck, I fall in love once more.

When he looks into my eyes, smiles, and tell me everything’s going to be alright.

I’m lost.

In the best way possible.

I’m lost in his eyes, in his smile, in the beautiful words he says.

I’m lost, so lost in him.

I feel like going under, and I don’t mind.

He can make my heart skip several beats just by laying next to me, his breath tickling my skin.

His fingers tracing their path on my body.

His lips kissing every spot.

I love him to bits,

for he is the one that awoke my soul.

He brought me back to life, and showed me just how beautiful life truly is.

Image

Start Of A Fairytale ♥

It was Friday the 3rd of August.

We had arranged a meeting, and I could feel my heart pound faster and faster with every step I took, as I was walking towards the meeting place.

I was texting a friend meanwhile, since I didn’t know what to do with my nerves. She tried her best to calm me down, saying a date was a good thing, and that It would be fun, that she was sure I looked just fine and all that. It helped, a bit.

I was so busy texting that I didn’t even see him sitting only a few metres away from me, across the street. Sitting on the sidewalk. Looking at me, since he had recognized me, even though it had been a while since he’d last seen me.

I bit my lip -something I always do when I’m kind of nervous or need to gain strength and be brave-, took a deep breath and crossed the street. I was nervous, didn’t know what to say but I just turned my brains and the nerves off, and just went with the first thing that popped in my head.

I made a funny comment about him sitting almost on the ground and he smiled. It had been so long that I last saw him, that I had forgotten how beautiful he actually was. Especially his lovely smile, who just gave me the feeling that whenever he smiled, I just had to smile as well.

Even though, almost two years back, when we first met and went out, he had looked like any other boring neighborhood guy to me. A bit nerdy even. But in my defense, back then, I still went for the ‘pretty boys’, but now that I was older, I had learned that ‘pretty boys’, ‘pretty faces’ most of the time are the worst. Mean, cheating, lying, using and abusing you. And I was done with the long-distance-relationships.

I was suprised to notice that the though of him being a good match for me  popped into my head. Could it be?

We decided to take a walk, and I choose the direction. Even though the weather was rather bad, and there was a storm coming, we walked. Laughing, talking, having fun, as I got to learn new things about him. Things I rather loved. Or that suprised me, but in a good way.

It started to rain, but we didn’t really care all that much. I think we got rained out about four times before we were back at the starting point and he proposed to go to his house, since we would be dry there, and he was home alone. His parents were on a vacation with his youngest brother and his younger brother was out.

I couldn’t think of a reason why not -even though I got really nervous about going into his empty house with him, but that’s just a feeling I have with almost every boy- and well… it just wouldn’t made sense anyway to prefer to stay out in the rain instead of going in and be dry and warm. Besides, I was completely soaked, and I hate being soaked.

So we went to his house.

We went in, and started talking. I sat close next to him, and kind of felt the need to hold his hand, to stroke his hand, to have some physical contact.

So I gave him little hints. But -as he is a guy- he didn’t get them.

At one point -it was past midnight at that point- I lay with my head on his belly, as he was stroking my face, ever so gently and careful. It felt as if a breeze was touching my cheek.

Moving up my jaw, to my forehead, tenderly stroking some strokes of hair out of my face, then moving back down my other jaw, sliding a finger over my lips as my eyes were closed. It was heaven.

And I noticed these feelings, these butterflies in my belly. Could it be that I was in love? because that was the only definition that I could connect with the feelings I had. How come I felt this now, but that a year, two years ago, I didn’t feel a thing? Was it true that I had changed somehow? and if so, was it for the better?

Suddenly, out of the blue, he asked me if he could ask me something, I said yes, and then he asked me if he could kiss me. My heart started pounding hard again. My mind was racing. I didn’t know what to answer. So I just answered the first thing that  popped into my head. “you can try” I said, with a smile.

He smiled for a second, and the next moment, his lips were tenderly kissing mine. My heart was pounding so hard, I thought it would just jump out of my chest.

And it was in that moment, while he kissed me as tender as ever, that I knew, that I was in love with him.

His hand stroking my cheek, sliding down to my neck. It all just made it even more perfect. And I wanted to stay that way forever.

Time just stopped. The world stopped, as did my thoughts. Except for one. Him.

He was all I could think about, all I could see. Everything I felt. Everything I wanted. Everything I needed.

That was our first kiss.

And now, more than two months later, I still adore him. I can even say I love him more and more every day. And even though it’s only been two months, I already know that he’s the one  I want to live together with, have a family, grow old with.

He lives nearby, and still, I die without hearing from him. I can’t live a day without him. A day without seeing him, or hearing from him is just a day not worth living.

I hope we can stay this way forever, because I couldn’t stand losing him. Not now. Not ever.

Image

Dear Darling

To be with you is all that I desire.

To have you by my side is all that I need.

To have your arms wrapped around me, warming my body, warming my soul, is all that I want when I come home in the evening, tired of the day.

Oh how you can make it all okay with just one look, one kiss, one smile.

You can make the darkness disappear out of my heart, and put a burning flame in the place. 

It was you.

It is you

and I sure hope that it ‘ll always be you.

Because darling, you, more than anything or anyone else,

complete me.

You’re the light part of my soul.

Of my existence.

You make me shine like the brightest star.

And I love you for how I am when I’m with you.