Facebook

Lately I’ve been having a hard time being on Facebook.
Suddenly it all occurred to me that it’s really fake, and not at all what it used to be.
Several years ago I made a Facebook account to stay in touch with my foster family from my school trip to England. Along the way I got to know new people from all over the world via IMVU for example.
Friends in high school started to use Facebook as well and eventually I got all the people I cared about together in one spot, since MSN Messenger was more and more outdated …

In the beginning, that was what Facebook was to me: a way to stay in touch.
But over the years it kind of turned into a trophy channel: you have to impress each and every Facebook friend with heartwarming, smart, fun, … statuses. Post as many as possible pictures of yourself. Your relationship had to seem perfect, and straight out of a fairytale book. Bouquets with the most beautiful flowers in it, dinner dates, concerts, …
Followed by a string of pictures from exotic vacations in far away magical beautiful countries…

That seems to be what Facebook has become now:
A way to make sure that everyone believes that your life is perfect.
That you are feeling great.

And the truth is: It’s fake really.
And it’s exhausting as well to be competing all the time, convincing everyone that everything is perfect.
It’s not.
It’s fake.

Couples fight every once in a while, it’s normal.
So maybe the girlfriend got a bouquet because the boyfriend screwed up big time, or because they had a big fight the night before and this is his way to make it up to her.

I know I have a great, true relationship.
Like every normal relationship we have had our ups and our big downs, but we make it through.
And the best moments with my love, I don’t share online. Because those moments are intimate and very personal.

I am even thinking about deleting my Facebook account.
It’s either that or deleting most of my Facebook friends.
I am spending less time on Facebook, and when I do I just react to things other people post. I mostly post articles I like, I find interesting, …

I think it’s important to not let life pass you by.
Live life offline, not online.
Spend more time with your real friends, your boyfriend/girlfriend, family…

Cherish the special moments.
And if you do so , you might realise that life is way too beautiful and inspiring to live spend behind a computer or a cellphone.

Life is out there, go experience it.

– Britt

Future Plans

When someone asks me how I see my future with my Love I am very honest and direct: I want to marry him and have beautiful babies with him.
I want to buy a house of our own and live there with our two children, our little bunny, cat and at least one dog -preferably a husky-.
I want to travel the world along with my -by then- husband and our beautiful children.

So whenever I answer that, people tend to make big eyes and get very surprised, because I am only 23 years old.

When they say “Oh I get it, you mean in the future, a long time from now”, I answer them: “well no. I honestly want to have children while I’m still this young, I want to get married anytime soon, whenever my Love asks me. I want to live my life while I’m young”, they are even more surprised.

I have deliberately chosen that I want to be a young mother.
And people that don’t agree with me always have an excuse why “You’re too young, you won’t be able to do it.” Well, I believe I can. “You need to save more” If I wouldn’t have enough money to do it or whatever, I wouldn’t even think about it. “Don’t you first want to enjoy life?” As if getting married and/or getting a baby is the end of your life….

For every argument they give, I have an answer in return.
I want to know what I want to do with my life, so does my Love and that’s just great. I told my Love these same things as well as soon as we got serious, so he has known it for over 3 years now, and he agrees with me.

There will always be people that don’t agree with us, or understand our choices, but that’s their problem really.
I’m an adult. I have a job and pay my own bills. I can make my own choices.

So I will wait and see with my Love when the time is right for us to take our love, our life to the next level. And when we do, it will be our choice, and no one else’s.

Autumn Leaves and Wary Thoughts

The past few months I’ve been through a roller coast of emotions.
Things changed, in more than one way in my life.
Ever since we started living together I was able to understand my mom better; her little frustrations concerning household and my dad she had.
The regular complaining from time to time.

My boyfriend too doesn’t take his laundry downstairs and throws it in the basket, which makes me go up and down the dangerous stairs with a basket dozen of times.
My boyfriend too just throws his clothes as he pleases in the bedroom
He too forgets to put his chair back under the table after eating
He too always has the television on, even during dinner (when I really want to have an actual conversation)
He too often forgets that I’m not his maid or mother, but his girlfriend, his partner.

Just like my dad used to do and still does from time to time.
Little things that can become quite irritating after a while, luckily I love him too much to really let it bother me.

So the past few months, I went from being a young, working lady to an actual women.
I became the keeper of a household.
I have a boyfriend, a young cat and a cute little dwarf bunny to take care of.
And yes, I’m the only girl in the family (all the testosteron!)
Luckily, all 3 of my men are cutiepies.
When they want to be.

I suddenly got much more responsibility
bills to take care off
chores to do
I do feel the difference
I became a real adult
So the past few months I’ve been searching for myself as well, who am I as an adult?
What do I want? What do I need?
What do WE need?
What’s best?
What’s possible?

So where do I see myself?

I still see myself the way I always did: as a loving, caring person who looks after other people more than I tend to look after myself
I care about people that I love
and I tend to make sure that they are doing just fine , or even better.

I still would love to be a young, loving mother
a good wife

so that sure are some things to look forward to.
Now it’s waiting until my love pops the question (hopefully soon!)
I’ve been deep deep down.
I kind of forgot who I was
Lost myself
in work and bad friends
I’ve had to deal with some pretty bad comments, concerning my appearance and weight
I got called “fat” and “overweight” more than I care to admit.

People even went so far to tell me that if I wouldn’t lose some weight I’d never be able to get pregnant
or get an ugly and unhealthy baby.

So yeah, time’s been hard from time to time.

It’s not always easy, growing up while some people still treat you like a little child, but I’m slowly getting there.
I know I’ll have some ups and downs again
but I’ll know that in the end I’ll get through them, just like I always have.

It’s not easy working on keeping yourself, your personality, hopes, dreams,… intact
while also taking care of others
working to keep everything balanced.

My work is sometimes so badly organized that my love and I barely see each other for a couple of days
or weeks even…

I’ve got my work
He got his sport
sometimes it’s hard to keep the two balanced but we try our best
and the love, the admiration is still there.

Even as I’m writing this right now, I’m sitting on the bench on the side of the field watching his practice and he still looks so stunning my heart often skips a beat
every day
every morning
every evening
I tend to fall in love with him all over again
Even when we had a fight the night before
even if we did went to bed angry, I can never leave the house without kissing him good morning as I get up to go to work
never

To me
he gets more and more beautiful every day
he too has become more mature
and better in it
he still makes mistakes
but he knows when he has done something wrong and he’ll do his best to fix them, in his own way.

We may fight from time to time
but I still wouldn’t trade him for any other guy.

My lovely love’s practice is over now, and he’s smiling his magnificent smile as he walks up to me
I better wrap this post up
and close my laptop

because I have a lovely, perfect boy to kiss

talk to you soon my lovelies!

I Can’t Stand This Feeling

I can’t stand this feeling
that I’ve lost you
that we lost what we had
that the magic is gone

I long for your touch
your sweet kiss
as it should be

your affection
your love
the look in your eyes

I can’t stand this feeling
I can’t stand losing you…

You Broke Your Promise

A hurt in my chest
in the place where my heart should be
a deep, dark pool of tears…

Lost in my sadness
I don’t see the light anymore
stuck in my sorrow..

the man I used to know
the boy I fell in love with
Is he really gone?

No tenderness
no intimacy
no love at all?

how did we get here…
I can’t wrap my brain around it..
how did we go from fairytale, to nightmare?

you promised
you’d never shut me out
never leave me out in the dark by myself, alone and confused…

you broke your promise
and the boy I loved
the boy I gave my heart to and wanted to marry would never do that…

you broke your promise…

Christina Perri – Human

I can hold my breath
I can bite my tongue
I can stay awake for days
If that’s what you want
Be your number one

I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part
If that’s what you ask
Give you all I am

I can do it
I can do it
I can do it

But I’m only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I’m only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
‘Cause I’m only human

I can turn it on
Be a good machine
I can hold the weight of worlds
If that’s what you need
Be your everything

I can do it
I can do it
I’ll get through it

But I’m only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I’m only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
‘Cause I’m only human

I’m only human
I’m only human
Just a little human

I can take so much
‘Til I’ve had enough

‘Cause I’m only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I’m only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
‘Cause I’m only human

What’s Not To Love?

Autumn.

One of my favorite times of the year.
Leaves are falling down and it’s getting colder, so even more reasons to cuddle up alongside each other.
Lay yourself in front of the fire with a nice, good book.
Have movie nights.
Hot chocolate time is back as well!
So are those nice, warm, comfy boots.

Yes, I love Autumn.
Nature looks beautiful, colorful.
It’s colder, but not quite as cold as in the Winter, so you can still go outside without looking like you’re
wearing too many layers.

You can wear oversized sweaters again.
And of course: it’s almost Halloween! Besides Christmas my favorite holiday of the year!
I love the crisp fall air.
The smell of firewood.
The feeling of my scarfs and beanies.

I love everything about it.
And as the leaves change, as the weather changes…
So do I.

The Overflowing Bucket

People who know me, know that I’m a very sensitive, yet quite strong person.
I deal with death everyday in my job, I shed a tear every single time and I mourn but I get over it as well if one of the persons I cared for, took care of and looked after dies…

I can handle bad news, as long as I still got my love by my side.
I can handle pressure.
I can handle lack of sleep.
I can handle it.

Sometimes I break
but today is not that day.

But sometimes, it just gets too much.
I’m in that kind of place right now.

I was in a desperate need of some rest, some time off with my love.
And then I got home and heard bad news… twice.

I know it’s probably just life being a bitch again, testing how much I can handle.
And although I cried in my car on my way to work, I still didn’t break.

I’m still very sensitive, and I’m still me.
But somehow, I got harder too. Stronger. Tougher.
Because I keep my goal in mind.

Whenever work was hard, whenever I shut myself in the toilet for a few minutes just to ease the pain in my back and shoulders, or just to straighten things out for myself I just keep in mind that I’m doing what I love, no matter how hard it sometimes get.
I keep in mind that I’m doing it for my biggest dream: being able to live alone with the love of my life.
Our own little apartment. Our own home.

It’s what keeps me going.
It’s my strength.
My goal.

Just like he is my life
my heart
my everything.

The One True Love Of My Life

Julia Sheer ft. Kevin Littlefield – Far Away

Sometimes I Cry

Sometimes I get sad, for no obvious reason at all.

Today, I got sad and the reason is quite obvious: I’m 22 years old and I’m nowhere near where I imagined I would be at this age.

I still live at home and I will be for at least a year -I fear-.
I thought that by the age of 25, I’d become a mommy, but the longer it takes for me to find my own place to live, the longer I’ll have to bury that dream. And I really, really want to be a young mommy someday soon..
So sometimes I cry, because I’m still stuck at home knowing that my dream to be a mommy won’t be happening for 5 years… at least.

I quit my first job, because it wasn’t what I expected and because I barely got a half-time, and I NEED a fulltime. I need to be able to set some money aside.
Sometimes I cry, because things I was really sure of didn’t work out the way I hoped they would be.

I had so many plans… that all kind of fell apart.
So I started crying, my love standing by my side not knowing what to do.

He talked to me about how he too had lost his dreams, standing nowhere on the age of 28.
How he wanted things to be different as well.

And then he just took me in his arms, held me and wiped away my tears saying the very best thing that someone could then say to comfort me :
“I’m here. We’ll get through this, together.” ❤