Autumn Leaves and Wary Thoughts

The past few months I’ve been through a roller coast of emotions.
Things changed, in more than one way in my life.
Ever since we started living together I was able to understand my mom better; her little frustrations concerning household and my dad she had.
The regular complaining from time to time.

My boyfriend too doesn’t take his laundry downstairs and throws it in the basket, which makes me go up and down the dangerous stairs with a basket dozen of times.
My boyfriend too just throws his clothes as he pleases in the bedroom
He too forgets to put his chair back under the table after eating
He too always has the television on, even during dinner (when I really want to have an actual conversation)
He too often forgets that I’m not his maid or mother, but his girlfriend, his partner.

Just like my dad used to do and still does from time to time.
Little things that can become quite irritating after a while, luckily I love him too much to really let it bother me.

So the past few months, I went from being a young, working lady to an actual women.
I became the keeper of a household.
I have a boyfriend, a young cat and a cute little dwarf bunny to take care of.
And yes, I’m the only girl in the family (all the testosteron!)
Luckily, all 3 of my men are cutiepies.
When they want to be.

I suddenly got much more responsibility
bills to take care off
chores to do
I do feel the difference
I became a real adult
So the past few months I’ve been searching for myself as well, who am I as an adult?
What do I want? What do I need?
What do WE need?
What’s best?
What’s possible?

So where do I see myself?

I still see myself the way I always did: as a loving, caring person who looks after other people more than I tend to look after myself
I care about people that I love
and I tend to make sure that they are doing just fine , or even better.

I still would love to be a young, loving mother
a good wife

so that sure are some things to look forward to.
Now it’s waiting until my love pops the question (hopefully soon!)
I’ve been deep deep down.
I kind of forgot who I was
Lost myself
in work and bad friends
I’ve had to deal with some pretty bad comments, concerning my appearance and weight
I got called “fat” and “overweight” more than I care to admit.

People even went so far to tell me that if I wouldn’t lose some weight I’d never be able to get pregnant
or get an ugly and unhealthy baby.

So yeah, time’s been hard from time to time.

It’s not always easy, growing up while some people still treat you like a little child, but I’m slowly getting there.
I know I’ll have some ups and downs again
but I’ll know that in the end I’ll get through them, just like I always have.

It’s not easy working on keeping yourself, your personality, hopes, dreams,… intact
while also taking care of others
working to keep everything balanced.

My work is sometimes so badly organized that my love and I barely see each other for a couple of days
or weeks even…

I’ve got my work
He got his sport
sometimes it’s hard to keep the two balanced but we try our best
and the love, the admiration is still there.

Even as I’m writing this right now, I’m sitting on the bench on the side of the field watching his practice and he still looks so stunning my heart often skips a beat
every day
every morning
every evening
I tend to fall in love with him all over again
Even when we had a fight the night before
even if we did went to bed angry, I can never leave the house without kissing him good morning as I get up to go to work
never

To me
he gets more and more beautiful every day
he too has become more mature
and better in it
he still makes mistakes
but he knows when he has done something wrong and he’ll do his best to fix them, in his own way.

We may fight from time to time
but I still wouldn’t trade him for any other guy.

My lovely love’s practice is over now, and he’s smiling his magnificent smile as he walks up to me
I better wrap this post up
and close my laptop

because I have a lovely, perfect boy to kiss

talk to you soon my lovelies!

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What’s Not To Love?

Autumn.

One of my favorite times of the year.
Leaves are falling down and it’s getting colder, so even more reasons to cuddle up alongside each other.
Lay yourself in front of the fire with a nice, good book.
Have movie nights.
Hot chocolate time is back as well!
So are those nice, warm, comfy boots.

Yes, I love Autumn.
Nature looks beautiful, colorful.
It’s colder, but not quite as cold as in the Winter, so you can still go outside without looking like you’re
wearing too many layers.

You can wear oversized sweaters again.
And of course: it’s almost Halloween! Besides Christmas my favorite holiday of the year!
I love the crisp fall air.
The smell of firewood.
The feeling of my scarfs and beanies.

I love everything about it.
And as the leaves change, as the weather changes…
So do I.

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November

Leaves are falling down.
Their golden brown colors  give the forest a beautiful facet.
The water sparkling, clear. 
Some leaves drifting away. 
Her fingers playing in the water, softly splashing.
Childhood memories came back into her mind.
Jumping in a pile of leaves.
Long autumn walks.
Nice warm scarfs.
A hot cup of chocolate with whipped cream.
A warm fire.
Someone to hold, to hug , and to love. 
Happy faces all around.
Days that end too soon.
Nights that last too long.
Nights that are too cold.
Rainy days along with cold winds.
People holding hands to keep warm,
To express their love.
To show how much they care.
Some others go and visit their loved ones on the cemetery.
Lost, gone, but never forgotten.
The World Wars and it’s victims are getting remembered, honored.
Just like they always should.
Praying people will never forget that horror, to make sure that it ‘ll never happen again.
To prevent history from repeating itself.
The month’s almost over.
The cold and sad month of November. Month of the Dead.
Winter’s on it’s way, it ‘ll be December soon.
I can already feel the warmth of Christmas, and New Years (Eve).
I’m praying that November ‘ll be over soon.

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Autumn Day

Her thoughts wandered off. As she looked out of the window. Birds were flying by, searching for a warmer place, some blue blue skies.
The sun was shining brightly , it was a lovely autumn day.
Brown and green colored leaves were falling of the trees.
Minds wandering off.
Happiness, so easily found.
Lost in autumn days.
It was getting colder and people went inside, searching for the warmth of the fire.
Sitting cosily together. Warming themselves with a cup of hot chocolate.
Smiling faces.
People hugging each other tenderly, to keep each other warm.
Love being spread.
Words like “I love you” easily said.
The cold blowing wind doesn’t harm anyone.
Everyone safe inside.
Today we’re still an autumn day, but anyone can feel it,
Winter’s on its way.

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