Poison & Venom

I have this person in my life, who controls every step I take.
Every move I make.
She plays me like a puppeteer plays his puppet.
An evil puppeteer.

She’s a dictator, and evil person.
I have to be like her, or like the image she’s always been having of me.
But I don’t want to be.
I want to make my own choices, take my own decisions.

She’s like poison.
She’s in my veins and can’t get her out.
She’s in my blood.
She’s everywhere.

She’s like a snake.
Crawling herself around my throat, my arms, my legs…
Choking me.
Drawing the life out of me.

She’s like poison, slow but deadly.
As soon as you think you’re happy, truly happy
she comes and destroys it.
She takes away the happiness, the laughter, even the love.

She comes with new rules,
new laws.
Laws you need to obey
unless you want your life to be any more miserable.

She’s going to drive him away from me…
the only light in my life.
She already makes us fight.
Which we normally never do.

She wants me gone.
Out of her life.
And the thing is,
I want the exact same thing.

I need her poisonous venom out of my blood.
Gone from my life.
I need her gone.
It’s crucial, if I want to finally live a happy life.
If I want to finally be free.
Because it’s destroying me.

 

Tell me what’s wrong with me

I feel lost.
Insecure.
Angry.
Sad.
Hurt.
Powerless.

I feel as if I’m standing on the side, watching my life slip away.
Watch it slip right through my fingers.

I’ve been holding so much in for so many years that I appear to become numb.
Insensitive.

I can talk about all the crap in my life, without even shedding a tear.
I can even kind of smile while saying it.
Which isn’t me at all.
But then  few hours later I start crying for no reason at all.

I’m in deep.
Deeper than I ever was before.

And I’m lost.
I lost me.
I lost my ability to keep my brick wall up whenever I need it.
Because apparently I never take my wall down anymore…

I’m always on guard, which sometimes makes me act different, tougher, more arrogant or which makes me say things that I don’t really mean.

I’m dying.
I’m so lost and confused and hurt.
But most of all: sad.

I carry so much weight and sadness with me.
It’s simply overwhelming.
It’s making it hard to breathe.

I need help
and I need it fast.

Because I’m terrified of what I might do to myself…
of the consequences all of this is going to have on me…

Drowning in my tears

I loved you so, still do.
But you keep pushing me away, with every coming day.
Further away from you.
And it hurts, so much…

All I try do to is help you, but you don’t even see it.
You keep breaking my heart with every word you say.
I know that you love me, but the depression is taking over.
Turning your heart into a cold, hard stone.

Once you were the light in my life, but your light is growing weaker with every moment.
The darkness is consuming you.
Pulling you away from me.
Tearing my soul apart.

I have my own problems to figure out, to handle and solve.
I have your problems, tearing me down.
I’m drowning and can’t keep my head up.
And your hand isn’t there to reach for anymore.

What should I do?
Leave you behind, like you did with me?
Or keep fighting to get the boy I love back?
The one I fell in love with?

Because I’m drowning more and more with every second
the water closing in on me.
My lungs filling with water
as you stand by the side and watch me sink to the bottom.

I’m drowning in my tears
and choking on the pain.

What happened?

The Expressionless

Found this story on the internet this evening. 
It’s a creepy story. I surely loved it.
What do you think, fiction or fact?
Enjoy!

In June 1972, a woman appeared in Cedar Senai hospital in nothing but a white, blood-covered gown. Now this, in itself, should not be too surprising as people often have accidents nearby and come to the nearest hospital for medical attention, but there were two things that caused people who saw her to vomit and flee in terror.

The first being that she wasn’t exactly human. she resembled something close to a mannequin, but had the dexterity and fluidity of a normal human being. Her face, was as flawless as a mannequins, devoid of eyebrows and smeared in make-up.

There was a kitten clamped in her jaws so unnaturally tight that no teeth could be seen, and the blood was still squirting out over her gown and onto the floor. She then pulled it out of her mouth, tossed it aside and collapsed.

From the moment she stepped through the entrance to when she was taken to a hospital room and cleaned up before being prepped for sedation, she was completely calm, expressionless and motionless. The doctors thought it best to restrain her until the authorities could arrive and she did not protest. They were unable to get any kind of response from her and most staff members felt too uncomfortable to look directly at her for more than a few seconds.

But the second the staff tried to sedate her, she fought back with extreme force. Two members of staff had to hold her down as her body rose up on the bed with that same, blank expression.

She turned her emotionless eyes towards the male doctor and did something unusual. She smiled.

As she did, the female doctor screamed and let go out of shock. In the woman’s mouth were not human teeth, but long, sharp spikes. Too long for her mouth to close fully without causing any damage…

The male doctor stared back at her for a moment before asking “What in the hell are you?”

She cracked her neck down to her shoulder to observe him, still smiling.

There was a long pause, the security had been alerted and could be heard coming down the hallway.

As he heard them approach, she darted forward, sinking her teeth into the front of his throat, ripping out his jugular and letting him fall to the floor, gasping for air as he choked on his own blood.

She stood up and leaned over him, her face coming dangerously close to his as the life faded from his eyes.

She leaned closer and whispered in his ear.

“I…am….God….”

The doctor’s eyes filled with fear as he watched her calmly walk away to greet the security men. His last ever sight would be watching her feast on them one by one.

The female doctor who survived the incident named her “The Expressionless”.

There was never a sighting of her again.

 

More than words could ever say

I love you
more than words could ever say. 

 

Every time I wake up next to you, I simply know that it’s going to be a great day no matter what.

Every time when you look into my eyes, I can’t help but feel my knees go weak.

You can make me giggle like a school girl in love.

 

When you kiss me the exact same way that you first did I fall in love with you all over again.

Every time I watch you sleep I feel so damn proud that I get to call you mine.

All mine.

My beautiful boy.

 

“I hate everyth…

“I hate everything about him, but I love everything about him at the same time.”
—  Unknown

Little Red Riding Hood

I have a list of things that I want to do before I die.
Things I’ve always wanted to do, but never had the guts for.
The courage.

To dye my hair was one of them.
And the color I’ve always wanted was a shade of red.
Either copper colored or a bit more orange, lighter.

This was the color I wanted.

In a moment where I just decided to be impulsive me and one of my best friends arranged a sleepover where she’d do my hair 
and make it red.

As the weeks went by I constantly changed my mind.
Another color, another shade, maybe it was better if I wouldn’t do it, …
I started to hesitate, back down, crawl back to my safe spot that I’ve been in for all these years.

But like I said, life is too short.

So when the time was there, I bought the color that I wanted.
And made the decision to sacrifice my beautiful golden hair.

It’s been red/copper since Saturday evening.

I love it.
I had many positive reactions about it.
My parents aren’t too happy about it, but there not mad as well.
They know that I’m an adult that needs to make my own choices.

And if it looks good on me, well…

see for yourself 😉

BEFORE:

AFTER:

Sometimes we screw up

Sometimes our minds go blank.
Sometimes we don’t know what to say.
And then there are other moments when we say the first thing that pops into our head.
Which isn’t always the best thing to say.

Sometimes we hurt someone’s feelings, even if we didn’t mean to.
Sometimes we act foolish, stupid, selfish for no reason at all.
Sometimes we can’t explain our own actions, because we don’t know why we acted that way in the first place.

Feelings, emotions, love…
It’s all unexplainable.
It’s not something logical, it’s a thing on it’s own.

When we fight we tend to say things that we don’t mean
most of the time it’s things that we’ve been thinking of saying, but we realized that they were too cruel to actually say. 

But when one gets angry, people tend to be foolish and stop to think rationally.

Sometimes I want to send a message to you, but it just comes out wrong.
I end up hurting you or making you angry.
And I end up crying because I feel guilty.

Sometimes I desperately need you close by my side
but you’re emotionally unavailable.
You’re distant, pushing me away. 

Sometimes I think to know what’s wrong with you, what’s bothering you.
But I end up being wrong nonetheless.
Sometimes I make mistakes but you know that I’ll always make things right again.

I love you
and I love us.
It’s hard work, but every relationship is.
I’m willing do fight for it, work for it, make a change if needed.

Are you?