Tell me what’s wrong with me

I feel lost.
Insecure.
Angry.
Sad.
Hurt.
Powerless.

I feel as if I’m standing on the side, watching my life slip away.
Watch it slip right through my fingers.

I’ve been holding so much in for so many years that I appear to become numb.
Insensitive.

I can talk about all the crap in my life, without even shedding a tear.
I can even kind of smile while saying it.
Which isn’t me at all.
But then  few hours later I start crying for no reason at all.

I’m in deep.
Deeper than I ever was before.

And I’m lost.
I lost me.
I lost my ability to keep my brick wall up whenever I need it.
Because apparently I never take my wall down anymore…

I’m always on guard, which sometimes makes me act different, tougher, more arrogant or which makes me say things that I don’t really mean.

I’m dying.
I’m so lost and confused and hurt.
But most of all: sad.

I carry so much weight and sadness with me.
It’s simply overwhelming.
It’s making it hard to breathe.

I need help
and I need it fast.

Because I’m terrified of what I might do to myself…
of the consequences all of this is going to have on me…

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You Drive Me Crazy

Kiss my neck as my nails slide over your back.
Clawing your skin.
Leaving marks on your flesh.

My desire for you is showing as I pull you closer.
Into my embrace.
Warmth overwhelming you.

Bite my neck, play with my earlobe.
Tease me, 
the way only you know how to.

Playfully you kiss me.
A kiss on the cheekbone,
a kiss on the breast.

You know exactly what you’re doing,
and it’s driving me crazy.
I need you, I need you now.

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Thank You

I want to thank you.

For loving me.
For being my reason for living.
Ever since we met, you’ve changed my life. 
I never realized how damn important you would be for me.
How unbelievably much you’d mean to me.
What you’d become.
And what I now hope you will always be.

Ever since you loved me, I changed.
I became stronger, more confident with all the changes my body was and is going through.
You made me feel beautiful again, while I was grieving over my so called lost beauty.
Whenever I’d be sad, down, broken.. You’d simply pick me up and put the pieces back together again.

You’re my guardian angel.
My best friend.
My big brother.
But most of all, my lover.
The person I love the most.
The one I love with all my heart.
The one I’d die for to keep.
The one, my one.

You’re the one I want to have children with someday.
You’re the one I want to marry.
You’re the one I want to grow old with.
You’re the one I see myself spending the rest of my life with. 

Your beauty is overwhelming.
As is all the love you give to me.
Every touch, every kiss, … it causes my heart to skip a beat.
I’m so hopelessly and helplessly in love with you.
I am so lost in you.

I know I tell you everyday that I love you, and how much I love you.
How I adore you.
But I never thanked you for loving me.
For changing my life.
Because you did.
You made me believe in things like love at first sight, true love and fairytales again.
Because we have it all.

You truly are everything I could’ve ever dreamed of.
You are everything and more.
All I could’ve asked for.

Thank you, for being the wonderful, loving, sensitive, funny, caring, … person that you are.
Thank you, for always protecting me from all the bad things in the world.
Thank you also, for still letting me experience some things on my own.
Thank you, for giving me the strength needed to make a decision to change my course in life.
Thank you, for trusting me, even when I know it’s not always that easy, since there are constantly people trying to get between us.

But most of all, thank you, for loving me.
Because your love has truly changed me.
Thank you, for making me see the person I should’ve been all along.

I love you, please don’t ever leave.

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