Thanks to you all!

apparently my last post was a big succes, since I’m on 236viewers in total for now, yay!

So thank you all for coming and visiting!

I know that I said I’d do something special, well, I will, but about that I have some good, and some bad news.

First of all, the bad news: Due to my exams, I won’t be able to post “the special thing” ’till after my exams -which end on the 8th of June, so next Friday- 😦 so sorry about that. I might do it earlier, since I have some days between my two last exams, but I can’t promise anything.

And then, last but not least, the good news: I’ve got a subject! yay! And I hope you’ll like it! 😀

so stay tuned!

Party!

hello again to you all!

yay, this blog is close to 200 visitors/viewers in total. 🙂 Think I might do something special -so far no idea what exactly- when we reach the 200. So tell your friends, your family, your girlfriend/boyfriend, …

and keep an eye on this page 😉

See you soon!

Going Crazy

I think I’m losing my mind.

There’s so much work that I don’t know what to do first. I know I need to focus on my work for school, my exams, but I seem to get even more distracted than usual. Everything around me looks so fascinating now. An I’m so tired. I can never fall asleep at night, and when I do, it’s very late (or very early, depends on how you look at it) and then it’s hard for me to get up in the morning. How come I’m so tired? So.. lazy?

I get distracted by things in my room, by sites (my blog, facebook, my mails, … ), by my cellphone, …

God I’m going crazy…

I know that I really, really need to do my work, and I am, but it’s going nowhere.

Especially my mailbox distracts me, since I’m waiting for a mail of a special person. And since he doesn’t have a cellphone, and barely (almost never) comes on facebook, it’s pretty much the only way to be in contact with him. Which is very frustrating for me, since I never know when he’ll be on his computer.

The usefulness of a mobile phone is really underestimated. Trust me.

Guess I’ll just try to get at least some of the work done. -sigh-

Wish me luck!

Blog news

Hi everyone

I’ve taken a look at my blog -yes, I do that from time to time- and I’ve noticed that for now, I’ve only been talking about sad stuff; broken hearts, a lost love, war, … bad things. Dark things.

To be completely honest with you, it’s because I’m going through a pretty rough time right now.

So I hope you don’t mind me spilling my heart here.

But of course I don’t want you all to think that I’m some kind of emo-unhappy girl, that never smiles or has fun, because well.. that’s just not true.

Truth is, I smile a lot. Especially whenever I’m with my friends; The Hobbit, The Godfather, Mr. Hyde and Smokey. Yes, we all have a nickname. Well… four of us at least, I’m still waiting for mine.

Anyway, I’ll be having exams soon (starting somewhere next week) and right now I’m kind of swamped with work, so I don’t have much time to think about good subjects for the blog (even though I’m more on my blog than actually working, but shht )

Like I’ve said before in my ‘about’ text (which apparently you can only find if you go to https://bittersweetxromance.wordpress.com/about/ ) , I won’t be writing things just to get more viewers (even though that would be great of course, especially if some of you comment 🙂 )

I know it’s not one of the best blogs (duh!) , but it would be really great if I get a comment every once in a while, just to see if I’m doing this blogging thing right or not.

So, I’ll try and write (more) happy things ,  or things that might interest you as well. But no matter what I write (sad, down, happy, romantic, … ) It ‘ll always have a part of me as well.

Also, even though up till now I only wrote in English, there’ll be some Dutch texts coming as well , a short story, a poem (which would be totally different if I would translate it into English, even though I might translate the short story. Still thinking about it.)

So I hope you’ll still come and visit my blog, even when I don’t post something new everyday.

And I hope you enjoy reading it. Because I sure do enjoy making it.

Bless you all,

– Britt

Waiting For Love

Today I saw my friends again, after being parted from them for five days -which may not seem long, but when you are as close as we are, it’s hell!- .

As usual, we had a great day together, they’re just the best. All of them. I love my gang.

And well, it’s on moments like that, that I realize that I can be fine without like a boyfriend in my life. I want to have one, of course, obviously, I want to be loved and love. Hang out and do things only couples can. But for now… I’m fine with just having great friends, hanging out with them, doing crazy stuff with them, … of course there are some boys whom I talk to as well, cute boys.

There’s this one boy for example that I’ve known for some years, even though we actually never talked. But now , since about a week or so, we do, a lot, and well… I like it. Just talking with him, not hoping for anything to come out of it. Just..talking; funny, supportive, sweet, crazy, random talks, … it’s fun really.

I know that most people, after a break-up , feel useless, a waste of space, I’ve been there. But the truth is, that you just have to figure out who you are on your own. Who are you? What do you want in life? What’s important for you?

And especially: Believe that the right one is out there , waiting for you, on his/her way.

I would like to illustrate this with a beautiful part of a conversation between Ted Mosby and Stella Zinman from “How I Met Your Mother”

Ted “What you and tony have, what I thought for a second you and I had,
what I know that Lily and Marshall have…
I want that. I do.
I keep waiting for it to happen and waiting for it to happen.
I guess I’m just tired of waiting.”

Stella: “I know that you’re tired of waiting
and you may have to wait a little while more, but she’s on her way , Ted.
And she’s getting here, as fast as she can.”

And it’s true. Your true love, is out there. Whether you believe it or not. And it’s true what they say, when you’re not out there, looking for love, that’s when it comes to you. Give it some time. Don’t rush things. It’s a lesson I had to learn the hard way as well. But it pays off, I’m sure of that.

There is a perfect boy for me, and I will find him, or he will find me.

I’ll just.. sit around, waiting, believing.

Until the day he comes.

And I’ll live hapilly ever after.

– Britt

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“Deep into that darkness…

“Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.”
– Edgar Allan Poe

“Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before.”
– Edgar Allan Poe

Scary Story

This is a scary story that I wrote for English Class in my 5th year of high school. I got an 9,5/10 for it, and the teacher thought it was pretty scary, but I’ll let you find out for yourselves. Don’t mind the spelling and grammatical mistakes by the way. Hope you’ll enjoy.  

 

6:30 pm

The front door swings open. A man stands in the door, the rain outside made him soaking wet. “Bloody storm,” he mutters as he gets in and closes the door. He goes to the kitchen, to make some dinner. The storm outside is still raging, the thunder rumbles and the lightning flashes. He takes a glass of water, opens a kitchen draw and takes a tablet of pills. He takes two pills and swallows them with a sip of water. They aren’t helping though, her voice, her scent, the expression on her face, keeps haunting him. He decides to do something to take it of his mind.

Sam’s busy making dinner when he suddenly hears his dog, Max, growling. Sam jumps up and goes to the bathroom, from where the growling is coming. “Well buddy, is something wrong?,” he asks Max, who is growling at the mirror. Sam looks to the mirror, nothing special here, he thinks, but then suddenly he sees a shape behind him in the mirror, from behind the shower curtain, quickly he turns around, but it’s gone. The next moment, it’s freezing cold in the bathroom. “What the hell” he goes to the thermostat, which indicates that it’s 27degrees in the house, as usual. Sam wonders where the sudden cold comes from then. And what about that shape that he’d seen in the mirror?

 

7:30 pm

Sam’s cleaning the table, putting the dishes in the dishwasher while Max is playing with his bone in the living room. He can’t help thinking about the event in the bathroom again. Had he really seen something, or was it just his imagination playing tricks on him? He goes to the living room and sits down in the couch, turning on the television. “”It’s probably nothing,” he mumbles to himself. Softly, he falls asleep and starts to dream…

“No, don’t! Please don’t! Please let me go!”, the woman cries, her voice panicking. “Well, I can’t do that now can I, love? Someone’s got to give you what you deserve.” He grins at her and she becomes even more hysterical. “Let me out! Let me out! I want out!” She reaches for the car door and tries to open it, but it doesn’t work. She tries to kick in the window, but nothing seems to work. He laughs loud. “Haha, did you really think that I would make this that easy for you? I really though that you’d know me better” “Please Sam, let me go! Why are you doing this to me?” Tears streaming down her face. He abruptly stops the car and turns around to face her. “You even dare to ask why? I could ask you the same, you filthy whore!”, he grabs her chin with one hand and forces her to look him in the eye, “Why did you cheat on me?! Wasn’t I good enough for you?! I gave you everything! A beautiful house, I payed all your bills, saved you from the streets, and this is how you thank me?!” She sniffles “Please Sam… it was wrong, I know that… you know I love you, please, please, let me go. Don’t do this to me.” “Oh, so now you love me? Well, I don’t believe you, Mary, and I won’t let you go. You brought this on yourself.” He got out of the car and opened the door, he pulled her out of the car and threw her on the ground. He took ropes and tied her wrists and legs. “Please Sam”, she begged, “I love you. I’ll make it up to you, but please… don’t do this.” She looked him in the eyes as she said this. He stood still for a moment, he leaned towards her and put his hand on her cheek, he kissed her forehead and looked her in the eyes. “Oh Mary, I love you too… so very much…” A smile appeared on her face. “But I keep seeing you screwing that other guy over and over again and it just gets me all crazy.” The smile disappeared, and panic was all over her face. “Bye Mary” he got back up and pointed the gun at her. Her face hardened. “You’ll regret this, Sam, your conscience will make you feel sorry, and the guilt will destroy you. You won’t get away with this”, she said. “Well, we’ll just see about that, now won’t we?” He answered and pulled the trigger. She fell back. Blood coloured the water red as he threw her body into the river. He watched her as she sank. “Goodbye”.

 

10:30 pm

Sam wakes up. He looks around and sees that it’s already dark outside. “Guess I fell asleep” he yawns and gets up. Max lifts his head and looks at him. “Time to go to bed buddy” Sam says as he opens the back door to let Max out. The dog follows him and gets outside to the garden. He goes upstairs, brushes his teeth, gets his pyjamas on and goes to bed. It isn’t long before he falls asleep.

He’s in a house, which very much looks like his. He calls for Max but gets no answer. It’s dark, so he tries to switch on the lights, it doesn’t work. He goes to the hall upstairs. “Something’s wrong…” he thinks as he goes through the hall. “Love, where are you? I’m waiting for you.” He hears a woman ask. It’s coming from the bathroom. He opens the door. Mary’s sitting in the bath tub. “There you are, finally”, she smiles,”won’t you join me?” she asks and looks at him. She’s so beautiful still… he takes of his clothes and gets into bath. She comes closer and starts to kiss him. He let his hands go over her back, as she holds him close. She stops kissing him and whispers in his ear “I got a surprise for you,” she smiles, “but you need to close your eyes and put your hands in front of you.” He closes his eyes and puts out his hands. “Now you may open them.” He opens his eyes and screams in terror. In his right hand he’s holding a human heart, still beating. He drops it, shocked. His hands are covered in blood. Mary smiles and whispers “Told you I’d give you my heart.”

Sam jumps up. Sweat running over his whole body. “God, what a nightmare” He sits up for a few minutes in his bed, trying to calm down. “It’s just a dream, just a dream” he assures himself. He puts his face in his hands, but feels something sticky. He looks at his hands and screams. They’re covered in blood. He runs to the bathroom to wash his hands. “That’s not possible,” he thinks,”I must have cut myself somehow some way.” He checks his body for any bruises and cuts. Nothing. Suddenly the phone rings, “god dammit, that scared me” he mumbles, breathing heavy. He gets up and goes to the phone. He picks it up and answers it. “Hello?” There’s no answer. Just this annoying noise, it sounds like the kind of noise that a television makes when you have no image. He hangs up, and goes back to bed and falls asleep.

It’s quiet. All quiet. When suddenly, Max starts to bark. Sam awakes and thinks about getting up to have a look at what Max is barking at. “Nah, it’s probably just a cat or something.” He turns around and goes back to sleep. He doesn’t hear that Max is now growling, as if something’s wrong. Then all of a sudden, it gets all quiet.. silent. A few minutes later the sound of broken glass ends the silence. A door is being forced, the door opens and gets shut again. Footsteps wander through the house, going through the hall, getting up the stairs, quiet… Sam hears a noise and wants to get up to see what it is, when he gets smacked in the face with a baseball bat. He falls down on the bed and lies there, almost unconscious. A person approaches the bed. Sam tries to see who it is. “Well, well, aren’t you happy to see me again, Sam?” Mary says as she looks down on him. “You…,” he mumbles, “that’s impossible… you are…” “Dead?,” she interrupts, “well, apparently not.” “But…but I shot you, and I saw you sink in the river.” “Well, you did shot me, but not badly. My necklace saved me, it stopped the bullet.” She took his arm, put a needle in it and injected something. He felt that he was getting weaker by the minute. “I was only unconscious. And the water of the river was so cold, that I woke up, I was able to free myself. As soon as I got out of the water, I wanted revenge. I wanted to make you pay for what you’ve done. So here I am.” She smiled, it was an evil smile which made her face look hard. “Bye, Sam” she said before she put a cushion on his face, choking him. He tried to push it away, but the injection she gave him had made him weak. He was only able to scream one last time, before everything got black before his eyes…

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Times have changed

The times have changed, and I’m not sure if I like it…

My group of friends seems to be falling apart, even though most of them claim that everything’s okay and that nothing’s changed. 

One of my closest friends is going through hell and back. And I feel so .. useless. Powerless. As if I’m standing outside, looking through the window, not being able to do anything about what I see.

Love’s a mess as well. I had a friend, over a year, he had loved me. But he still had a girlfriend, and well, he lives in the other part of the country (and even though Belgium’s a small country, it’s not THAT  small). He and his girlfriend had been together for about 4 years, and were in an open relationship for the last year. He loved me. When it was over with his girlfriend, we decided to give us a try. We kissed at Carnival. 

We were in love. But he needed time.

And well… about a week ago , some days after I broke up with my boyfriend, he just told me that I’m not right for him. That I’m not on his level. That he doesn’t want to be a sort of teacher for me. He treated me as if I was a little child. Needing guidance.

And that was it.

My heart crushed.

Again.

So I decided to give up on love, at least for a while.

I need some time to heal my heart, to find out what I truly want.

What I need.

And how I’m going to get it.

Because apparently, I’m doing something wrong.

The thing is, what? And how can I fix it?