Romance

I like to think of myself as a romantic person.
Always have.

I can enjoy a good chick-flick, but often end up irritated.
True love isn’t about letting the right person go, getting into a relationship with someone and end up cheating on your current partner with “the one”.

I know that true love isn’t easy, and not always clear to see in the moment. But it doesn’t give you an excuse to cheat on your current partner, even if when it is with “your one true love”.

For that reason, I don’t like The Notebook for example. She can’t seem to make up her mind, dumps him, becomes engaged to someone else and end up cheating on him with her first love… I do , however, totally adore the fact that years later, when they are both old, he still stands by her and tells her their story -without her knowing at first it’s their story-. I love how he still loves her and looks after her. I love that you can really tell how much they love each other. And the ending, when they die together is simply beautiful.

But that’s pretty much the only part of the movie that I like.
You have a few other movies like that as well, and I know, the girl/guy usually has reasons why they did what they did, and people can relate to that but still…
I usually feel bad for the other guys/girls that get used in the meanwhile, that get cheated on and have their heart broken.

No, I’m a romantic.
That’s why , for example, I love vampires so much.
They pick someone and stay with them, for eternity. That kind of old school romance, true, unconditional love…
It warms my heart just thinking about it.

So when you ask me what my favourite romantic movie is then, I can say , without hesitation: “Ps. I love you”.
They were a couple that wasn’t perfect, but they loved each other nonetheless and were faithful. And so adorable, even though they hadn’t got the easiest life.

Even after he died, he kept taking care of her.

I could go on endlessly, but I’ll leave it a this.

I’m a romantic.
I believe in true love.
In fighting for what you love.
In unconditional love.
My favourite flowers are red roses, I know, how typical can you be.
I love kisses and walks during sunset.
I love long conversations that go deep into the night.
I love all the mushy romantic things.
I’m a real sucker for romance.

The love from old movies, books.
Where men were gentlemen.
Where women knew what they wanted.

I am romantic myself as well, in my actions.
I often prepare breakfast for my love, and give him breakfast on bed.
I love to surprise him.
I love to make him feel loved.

And as I am writing this, I am thinking about how I would love to watch a good movie again.

Life’s too short, so that’s what I’ll do now.

Talk soon ,my lovelies.

– Britt

To All My Lovelies

Ever since I started this blog a few years back I have written a lot of things, some personal, some rather distant.
Some fiction, other non-fiction.
Every now and then there have been readers/followers that have recognised themselves in some of my texts.
Some answer in a comment and tell me a part of their story, others don’t.
I understand that some of you might think as you are reading “hey, I’ve been through that too! I understand what she means!” but are afraid to comment because of the fact that everyone else can see their comment. It makes you feel vulnerable.

I understand that, because for me it’s also a big step to comment on other people’s posts, reacting with my own story, my own experience.

This is also the reason that ever since my blog was mocked in my hometown and made fun of, I have been resistant to write any more personal things… To be completely honest even now, I’m still scared that someone with bad intentions that knows me in my daily life -even if from a distance- will read all of this and mock me.

But like they said in the movie “A Cinderella Story” – the one with Hilary Duff- “Don’t let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game”.

I still love my blog, I miss my blog.
And in the past days I have written about 4 posts, and it’s a relief.
It feels good to be back.

I am still me, and helping people is still one of my greatest passions.
I know that I am just a group of words, written on a computer screen.
But if for some people I can be of help, a support, a shoulder to cry on ; I would like that.

So if any of you have thoughts, stories or anything else to tell me…
Now you can, without commenting on here.

I have made a special e-mail account where readers/followers/friends from this blog can contact me on.

You can tell me a funny story, share a poem, put your heart out, give suggestions for the blog, ask to publish something of yours … anything is possible.

If I can only help one person, or make just one person smile again.
I would be a very happy girl.

So for all my lovelies:
bittersweetromance@hotmail.com (without the x that is in the name of the blog!)

is the e-mail you can contact me on.
I hope I won’t get mails from people with bad intentions or dirty pictures or that kind of stuff, but if I do: I will delete them immediately.

but for the ones that want to talk:

bittersweetromance@hotmail.com

I’ll talk to you soon my lovelies

for now: all my love

– Britt

Facebook

Lately I’ve been having a hard time being on Facebook.
Suddenly it all occurred to me that it’s really fake, and not at all what it used to be.
Several years ago I made a Facebook account to stay in touch with my foster family from my school trip to England. Along the way I got to know new people from all over the world via IMVU for example.
Friends in high school started to use Facebook as well and eventually I got all the people I cared about together in one spot, since MSN Messenger was more and more outdated …

In the beginning, that was what Facebook was to me: a way to stay in touch.
But over the years it kind of turned into a trophy channel: you have to impress each and every Facebook friend with heartwarming, smart, fun, … statuses. Post as many as possible pictures of yourself. Your relationship had to seem perfect, and straight out of a fairytale book. Bouquets with the most beautiful flowers in it, dinner dates, concerts, …
Followed by a string of pictures from exotic vacations in far away magical beautiful countries…

That seems to be what Facebook has become now:
A way to make sure that everyone believes that your life is perfect.
That you are feeling great.

And the truth is: It’s fake really.
And it’s exhausting as well to be competing all the time, convincing everyone that everything is perfect.
It’s not.
It’s fake.

Couples fight every once in a while, it’s normal.
So maybe the girlfriend got a bouquet because the boyfriend screwed up big time, or because they had a big fight the night before and this is his way to make it up to her.

I know I have a great, true relationship.
Like every normal relationship we have had our ups and our big downs, but we make it through.
And the best moments with my love, I don’t share online. Because those moments are intimate and very personal.

I am even thinking about deleting my Facebook account.
It’s either that or deleting most of my Facebook friends.
I am spending less time on Facebook, and when I do I just react to things other people post. I mostly post articles I like, I find interesting, …

I think it’s important to not let life pass you by.
Live life offline, not online.
Spend more time with your real friends, your boyfriend/girlfriend, family…

Cherish the special moments.
And if you do so , you might realise that life is way too beautiful and inspiring to live spend behind a computer or a cellphone.

Life is out there, go experience it.

– Britt

Sometimes I wonder…

Sometimes I spend my days wondering, worrying.  Trying to understand why it seems that bad things always seem to happen to good people. From time to time it really baffles me.

I know of so many couples that always did and do their best to be there for everyone, always share the little things they had, were always there when anyone needed them, lived humble, work(ed) hard,…  and yet bad things keep happening.

To be more personal, my fiancé and I are in the same situation.

We both work hard, I combine working and studying at a university -which, I’m not going to lie, is really hard- to give us a better future, to give future children of ours a better future. I do my own household, try to cook on a daily basis, be a good daughter, daughter-in-law, granddaughter,… but my days just seem to flash by without me even realizing what happened. My days seem to be too short for all the things that need to be done.

And then my fiancé got fired from his job… he has been sitting at home since the  15th of December….

meanwhile other things have happened, unexpected costs, and we are trying our very best to plan a budget friendly wedding, seeing what we can do ourselves,…

But to be honest… it’s a really hard time. It has been even before my love lost his job…

I’m doing my very best, we both are but sometimes it all just seems to slip through my fingers and everything seems so unfair.

Even though this whole post might seem sad, I remain hopeful. Things will get better. I’m confident in that.

It’s only a matter of time, and effort. But I can do this, we can do this. We will get through this.

– Britt

Autumn Leaves and Wary Thoughts

The past few months I’ve been through a roller coast of emotions.
Things changed, in more than one way in my life.
Ever since we started living together I was able to understand my mom better; her little frustrations concerning household and my dad she had.
The regular complaining from time to time.

My boyfriend too doesn’t take his laundry downstairs and throws it in the basket, which makes me go up and down the dangerous stairs with a basket dozen of times.
My boyfriend too just throws his clothes as he pleases in the bedroom
He too forgets to put his chair back under the table after eating
He too always has the television on, even during dinner (when I really want to have an actual conversation)
He too often forgets that I’m not his maid or mother, but his girlfriend, his partner.

Just like my dad used to do and still does from time to time.
Little things that can become quite irritating after a while, luckily I love him too much to really let it bother me.

So the past few months, I went from being a young, working lady to an actual women.
I became the keeper of a household.
I have a boyfriend, a young cat and a cute little dwarf bunny to take care of.
And yes, I’m the only girl in the family (all the testosteron!)
Luckily, all 3 of my men are cutiepies.
When they want to be.

I suddenly got much more responsibility
bills to take care off
chores to do
I do feel the difference
I became a real adult
So the past few months I’ve been searching for myself as well, who am I as an adult?
What do I want? What do I need?
What do WE need?
What’s best?
What’s possible?

So where do I see myself?

I still see myself the way I always did: as a loving, caring person who looks after other people more than I tend to look after myself
I care about people that I love
and I tend to make sure that they are doing just fine , or even better.

I still would love to be a young, loving mother
a good wife

so that sure are some things to look forward to.
Now it’s waiting until my love pops the question (hopefully soon!)
I’ve been deep deep down.
I kind of forgot who I was
Lost myself
in work and bad friends
I’ve had to deal with some pretty bad comments, concerning my appearance and weight
I got called “fat” and “overweight” more than I care to admit.

People even went so far to tell me that if I wouldn’t lose some weight I’d never be able to get pregnant
or get an ugly and unhealthy baby.

So yeah, time’s been hard from time to time.

It’s not always easy, growing up while some people still treat you like a little child, but I’m slowly getting there.
I know I’ll have some ups and downs again
but I’ll know that in the end I’ll get through them, just like I always have.

It’s not easy working on keeping yourself, your personality, hopes, dreams,… intact
while also taking care of others
working to keep everything balanced.

My work is sometimes so badly organized that my love and I barely see each other for a couple of days
or weeks even…

I’ve got my work
He got his sport
sometimes it’s hard to keep the two balanced but we try our best
and the love, the admiration is still there.

Even as I’m writing this right now, I’m sitting on the bench on the side of the field watching his practice and he still looks so stunning my heart often skips a beat
every day
every morning
every evening
I tend to fall in love with him all over again
Even when we had a fight the night before
even if we did went to bed angry, I can never leave the house without kissing him good morning as I get up to go to work
never

To me
he gets more and more beautiful every day
he too has become more mature
and better in it
he still makes mistakes
but he knows when he has done something wrong and he’ll do his best to fix them, in his own way.

We may fight from time to time
but I still wouldn’t trade him for any other guy.

My lovely love’s practice is over now, and he’s smiling his magnificent smile as he walks up to me
I better wrap this post up
and close my laptop

because I have a lovely, perfect boy to kiss

talk to you soon my lovelies!

You Broke Your Promise

A hurt in my chest
in the place where my heart should be
a deep, dark pool of tears…

Lost in my sadness
I don’t see the light anymore
stuck in my sorrow..

the man I used to know
the boy I fell in love with
Is he really gone?

No tenderness
no intimacy
no love at all?

how did we get here…
I can’t wrap my brain around it..
how did we go from fairytale, to nightmare?

you promised
you’d never shut me out
never leave me out in the dark by myself, alone and confused…

you broke your promise
and the boy I loved
the boy I gave my heart to and wanted to marry would never do that…

you broke your promise…

Home Is Where The Heart Is

I’ve traveled so far, seen so many places. Magical places.

Been all around the world.

I’ve seen misery, love, hope, faith, hatred, … I’ve seen both the best and the worst of mankind.

I felt more feeling than you could ever imagine.

But none of that means anything compared to what I feel for you, because Honey when I look into your eyes, I see the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen:

Your soul.

The way you love me, the way you treat me right or at least do your best.

The way you appreciate every little thing I do.

The way things just come easy with us.

The way we live our lives, and the way you let me live mine.

The way you give me my freedom, and still support me.

I still feel that need, that Wanderlust to travel the world.

See more. Experience more.

Only now I don’t want to do it anymore, unless it’s with you.

You, me, us, our life together…

It’s my biggest journey ever, and so far I’m loving how it’s going.

It’s Been A Long Time

It’s been a long time since I last posted something here.

I’ve been thinking about my life a lot, things I can’t wait to tell all of you about but can’t. Not yet.

I’ve been making decisions and choices.

I’ve tried to get things straight.

Make our apartment a home.

I’ve made decisions that will change my life forever.

I’m not a child anymore, no longer a girl.

I am a strong, independent woman.

I am an adult.

free, to make my own choices.

free , to live my own life.

I’m grateful to have my Love by my side, always supporting me.

Sometimes being the voice of reason.

I can’t wait to start living my life the way I always wanted to.

Love & Diversity

This is a commercial very close to my heart.
I too stand and fight for equal rights; lesbians, gay’s, straight, black, white, Asian, ….
We are all the same and we all deserve the same rights.

Every person, no matter what their race is or their sexual preferences should be allowed to marry and have children when they’d want to.

Love is not a choice, love is a feeling.
And it’s one everyone should be able to experience and fully enjoy if you ask me.

Home Is Where The Heart Is

I open my eyes and look around me, take in the room.
There’s the yellow roses on the sideboard right next to the wooden frame saying “Dream.Hope.Wish.Believe” , a chrystal rose standing beside it.
The old vintage radio on the other side.
On the windowsill you find a set of scented candles and in the middle an Elvish replica sword from “Lord of the rings”, one of our most favorite movies.
Below the windowsill you find the cage where my little rabbit sits, Nijntje, peacefully sleeping. A little ball of fur.
Scented candles continue to spread around the television, on the living table, the bookshelves…

On the kitchen table you find even more flowers and fresh baked cupcakes.
Upstairs you find two bedrooms, one currently being used as storage space and one cozy used as master bedroom. Painted in light and dark olive colors, our bed in the middle in light brown which causes a magnificent contrast with the olive colors. Candles on the nightstands as well along with a night lamp.

The other bedroom is painted in a sort of turquoise blue, dark and lighter. There still needs to come a desk and sleeping bench. Right now all you find in there is our huge wardrobe closet, multiple boxes packed with things and my saxophone.

This room is meant to one day serve as a child’s room as well… who knows.

I look around and take it all in, all the cozy ness, the rabbit in the living room, the candles, the blanket on the couch, … the cupcakes on the kitchen table, flowers, the pictures…

I look around and I smile.
My heart starts to beat faster.
Yes, this is home.
I am home.