Alice and Hatter

Everyone always said that I a lot of fantasy.
I always imagined myself as some character I read about or saw in a movie.
I saw couples that I was jealous of.
Lucas and Peyton from One Tree Hill, Stefan and Elena from the Vampire Diaries, Arwen and Aragorn from Lord of the Rings, …

At one point I even started to picture myself as Alice, from Alice in Wonderland.
I loved the band that was growing between her and Hatter.
Which in the series “Alice” even lead to a real relationship between those two.
Also in the Tim Burton version of Alice in Wonderland , one could see that she truly loved him.
At least, as a friend.

I wanted that as well.
I was Alice, a girl trying to escape from the pressure and hardness of the real world.
Ducking into a rabbit hole to escape and to go to a magical fantasy world.

I promised myself that one day I’d find my Hatter.
A true friend on which I knew I could always count, night and day.
Someone who would be there for me always, even in the darkest of times.
Who would love me, silently if needed.

About three years ago I met my Hatter, but it took me a year and a half to see him as something other than ‘just a friend’.
All of a sudden I could see his beauty. The one that I’ve been seeing passed for so long.
And my god, how beautiful he was. Because I truly knew him, and I fell so deeply in love with his personality that he even got more beautiful on the outside as well.

I found my Hatter
and every now and then I still visit my Wonderland
only now,
I’m not lonely anymore.

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Your Arms Are My Shelter

When I’m restless or I’m hurt, I come and hide in your arms.
They are my fortress, a portal to a magical world where only the two of us exist.
As I lay beside you, your arms around me… I feel safe. I feel home.

It’s where I belong and where I’ve always wanted to be.
And those moments, when I’m just laying there, gazing at you..
those moments are pure perfection.

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As I stroke your hair I feel a sudden need to become religious
because that way I could thank the higher power that gave you to me.
You truly are a blessing, the most wonderful gift I could ever imagine.

When times were rough, we fought.
We said bad things, or none at all.
You made me cry. But in the end; neither of us could leave, and the reason is simple: love.

I love you so much that sometimes it feels as if my heart is going to burst.
I long for you, I need you.
I desire you… even when you’re laying right beside me.

I am so grateful to have you, us and this wonderful, fairytale-alike love that we share.
May it be a happily ever after for the both of us.

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Dark Clouds Ahead

Right when everything is right again, there comes another blow.
A bad one.

As you might know, I was doing my second internship the past three months.
I finished today.
Yesterday was my end evaluation.
My director (the woman that decides whether or not I graduate) apparently thinks I am no good…
My second internship was at home care/assistance (don’t know what to call it in English).
It’s when you go to people’s homes and take care of them.
This can be in multiple ways: by ironing, cooking, washing, cleaning, wash them, change diapers, help them with other things…
any kind of help really.
For older persons, young people, people with a handicap, persons with psychological problems…

So, my director flunked me. I didn’t pass.
She says it’s because I can’t cook good enough, but when I started this education, I couldn’t cook.
Like: at all.
I could bake an egg, that’s it.
I learned so much the past three months.
I did so many different chores, but she doesn’t even care.
She doesn’t even asks or reacts.

I failed my internship. Which means I don’t get to graduate or even go on with my education…
Now she’s trying to convince her bosses to give me a second chance by letting me continue my education, but when that’s done (in April) I will have to do three more months of internship.
And if I make as much as one mistake… I’m out again.

I don’t know what to do anymore…
I really want to be a caretaker, but not this way..

That woman has been trying to get me out for months, from the moment she saw my face.
Everyone in my class confirms this as well.
She’s been hated for yeeears, by everyone who’s ever followed her education.

My love is trying his best to cheer me up, support me but the waiting and not knowing is killing me…

But it’s all I can do now, wait.

I mailed one of her bosses and told her my story.
Because I find that I have the right to defend myself.
I worked hard for this.
Blood, sweat and tears.

And doesn’t everybody deserves a second chance?

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When A Heart Skips A Beat

One look from you, and I’m lost.
My head is somewhere floating around in space
while my heart is beating so hard I’m scared it will just pop out of my chest.

When you touch me, gently slide your fingers over my skin,
I get goosebumps.
Every.Single.Time.

Even after all these time I still drown whenever I look into those big, beautiful eyes.
You’re so heartbreaking beautiful.
I could just look at you all day. Day after day.

Your kisses still leave me speechless.
Whether it’s a simple “hello” kiss or a passionate one, filled with desire.
Which makes saying “goodnight” to you even harder than it already is.

Even after almost a year and a half, you’re still the air that I breathe.
The world that I live in.
My own little piece of perfection. My angel from heaven.

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