Looking Back On What Lies Ahead

In 4 days, it will be Christmas day once again. A week later it will be New Year’s Eve. This time of the year often forces us to look back on the past year, reviewing it. What went wrong? What happened? What were the good, fond memories you’ll cherish? What can go better next year? Where do you stand in your life right now?

And every year around this time, I tend to do this, analyzing the past year.
2015 has been a … rough year.
I got fired, lost my faith in the health sector, had an incredible painful operation and had to rest for a couple of weeks, made some big decisions , some of them backfired in my face…

It was a rough year. And it definitely was though coping with all that, and I admit: I didn’t always react like I should’ve had. I let myself go. I let it drag me down. I’m still working on improving myself right now, taking baby steps, but I know I’ll get there, eventually.

Although it has been a really difficult and painful year I am very blessed to have seen and felt how blessed I am to have some special persons in my life, my Love for example.

If it wasn’t for him, I’d probably still be a really big mess.
People often say that your lover brings out the best in you, but he truly does. He reminds me of who I am, when I don’t even know anymore.
He pushes me to go further, explore my possibilities. He encourages me in a way that no one else ever could. He reaches me, when I feel so out of reach…

So now, at the verge of a new year, I have some things I am planning on doing and/or starting with next year.

It’s time for me to do things that make me happy, to think of myself every once in a while. No more putting myself on a second place, no more neglecting my desires and needs. My dreams. It’s time.

So yes, although 2015 been a hell of a year, 2016 will be great. I know it. Because I will be doing what I love, with whom I love. I will surround with people that really matter to me and which I know I can count on.
2016 has good promise all over it, and I can’t wait for it to start.

I’m ready.

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Future Plans

When someone asks me how I see my future with my Love I am very honest and direct: I want to marry him and have beautiful babies with him.
I want to buy a house of our own and live there with our two children, our little bunny, cat and at least one dog -preferably a husky-.
I want to travel the world along with my -by then- husband and our beautiful children.

So whenever I answer that, people tend to make big eyes and get very surprised, because I am only 23 years old.

When they say “Oh I get it, you mean in the future, a long time from now”, I answer them: “well no. I honestly want to have children while I’m still this young, I want to get married anytime soon, whenever my Love asks me. I want to live my life while I’m young”, they are even more surprised.

I have deliberately chosen that I want to be a young mother.
And people that don’t agree with me always have an excuse why “You’re too young, you won’t be able to do it.” Well, I believe I can. “You need to save more” If I wouldn’t have enough money to do it or whatever, I wouldn’t even think about it. “Don’t you first want to enjoy life?” As if getting married and/or getting a baby is the end of your life….

For every argument they give, I have an answer in return.
I want to know what I want to do with my life, so does my Love and that’s just great. I told my Love these same things as well as soon as we got serious, so he has known it for over 3 years now, and he agrees with me.

There will always be people that don’t agree with us, or understand our choices, but that’s their problem really.
I’m an adult. I have a job and pay my own bills. I can make my own choices.

So I will wait and see with my Love when the time is right for us to take our love, our life to the next level. And when we do, it will be our choice, and no one else’s.

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Home Is Where The Heart Is

I’ve traveled so far, seen so many places. Magical places.

Been all around the world.
I’ve seen misery, love, hope, faith, hatred, … I’ve seen both the best and the worst of mankind.
I felt more feeling than you could ever imagine.
But none of that means anything compared to what I feel for you, because Honey when I look into your eyes, I see the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen:
Your soul.
The way you love me, the way you treat me right or at least do your best.
The way you appreciate every little thing I do.
The way things just come easy with us.
The way we live our lives, and the way you let me live mine.
The way you give me my freedom, and still support me.
I still feel that need, that Wanderlust to travel the world.
See more. Experience more.
Only now I don’t want to do it anymore, unless it’s with you.
You, me, us, our life together…
It’s my biggest journey ever, and so far I’m loving how it’s going.

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Love Comes Easy With You

We do groceries together, every Monday.
We have our quality time together.
We watch movies, series, play games together…
We wash dishes together.
We cook together.
Just like we used to be before, we’re inseparable.
We’re always together.

Our lives revolve around each other.
We plan our lives, our holidays, our future….

We look forward, never back.

You wake me up with a kiss every morning.
You put me to sleep with a kiss every evening.

Perfection is when I look into your eyes.
Your smile still amazes me, leaves me breathless.

Oh how love comes easy with you.
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Darling

Darling

The time that I spend without you is just worthless if you ask me.
I spend my days counting the hours until we meet again, until I’ll be back in your arms.
Because laying in your arms, you stroking my skin and caressing my hair is the closest I’ll ever be to heaven.
I need you so badly that it feels like I’m not living if you’re not near.
I’d do anything for you.
If you’d ask me to die for you, I would. In a heartbeat.
Dearest, how I adore you.
How I need and love you.
You’re like the air that I breathe, the reason I get up in the morning.
You’re every beat that my heart makes.
The light in my darkness.
You truly are my one true love, the one I was destined to be with.
I’ve known it ever since you kissed me
for it was your kiss that made me feel like I finally found a home.
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.
I could use the wisest, most romantic and most beautiful words
but they wouldn’t even begin to cover my love for you.
If you’d ask me to leave everything behind
I would.
I’d give it all up, just to spend some time in your arms.
With you I don’t feel like I have to be strong all the time.
You’re the one I can be myself with.
Sometimes I crash down in your arms, I cry my heart out
when all is unfair
and then you come sweeping in, saving my life.
We’ve been through more than anyone could ever imagine.
And god, it feels so good to know that you’re mine. That you love me.
Darling, I could keep going on and on and on about my feelings for you and what it is that you do to me, but I’d rather prefer that you just kiss me right now.
Take me in your arms
kiss me the way only you can
still my tears, chase away the fears
tell me you love me
and know that no one could ever love you more
than I already do.

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Wintery Thoughts in Autumn

Sometimes we take some time to think things over, to see where we are, what we’ve achieved and what is yet to do.
I’ve been experiencing this for quite a while now.
My love and I want to move our relationship forward, we want to live together, start our own life in our own place.
We already know where we want to live, what kind of appartement we’re looking for and how we would decorate it.
But it’s only when you set a goal -in this case: start saving so we can live together in this and a year or so- that you realize how hard it ‘ll get…

I earn less money than I’d thought
I’m currently experiancing medical problems which I need to pay for
I still have debts to my love
I need to pay my car of to my parents and such…

September isn’t even over yet
and I’m pretty much out of money.

Things just don’t seem to go according to plan.

I want to set as much money aside as possible
But bills keep catching up on me.

I do not intend to give up though, I WILL save enough money to live with my love
because there’s nothing I could ever want more.

Even if I can’t buy fancy new clothes no more
Even if I can’t go to exciting places
My priorities are different now

He’s my biggest priority
our life together is.

Sometimes one needs to back up a little, take a little break so you can see the big picture better.
I know where my heart lies
I know what I want
and I know I can do it.

Life is for the dreamers that decide to make their dreams come true.

It’s very possible that we might not live together in about a year
but I know that we’ll get there, eventually.
And the harder we need to work for it, the more rewarding it ‘ll be.
I just need to do my very best and be patient.

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