Happiness Is Expensive

Happiness is expensive.

It’s a thought I often had and still have from time to time.
When I am sad and thinking about what I can do to make things better.
Most of the time I’m stressed, exhausted, …
The best solution I can come up with then is : “I need some time off. Take a break from work, from school and just get my love and go on a little vacation, even if just for a weekend.”
Then I eagerly start to look up trips that are fitting to what I need, sadly, trips cost money.
And when you don’t work -at least at my current job-, you don’t get paid.
It often makes me sad and then I say to my love “That we are to poor to be truly happy, because we can’t go anywhere or buy things that make us happy”.

I let it sink and then I realise: happiness doesn’t cost a thing.
It’s not taking a trip that can only make you happy, or buying expensive things.

Happiness, at least for me, is spending the evening with friends and their little children -as we are going to do tonight-.
Happiness is having a movie night with either one of our younger brothers, or both.
Happiness is going out with friends, having drinks or something to eat.
Happiness is lying on the couch with your lover behind you, his arms wrapped around you, his breath in your neck, watching a show and softly falling asleep, together.
Happiness is coming home to a cat meowing frantically , happy that you are home.
Happiness is a little bunny jumping up and down his bench when he sees or hears you coming home, or coming downstairs in the morning.

Happiness can be whatever you want it to be.
When you let it, the small things become big ones.

Happiness is everywhere, if you just let it.

I am tired of looking at what I don’t have, instead I learn myself to focus on what I do have.
I appreciate what I have, and who I have.
The lover by my side
The friends.

Happiness is a choice.
And I choose to be happy.

– Britt

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Bright Future Ahead

Today I had an oral exam early in the morning.
I got up on time, with my love, and we drove to my school – a drive of about half an hour , give or take-.
I was very nervous getting in, but was able to calm myself.
At the end of the exam I had a “really? that was it?”-feeling.
I went to the reception to collect my exam results from my second and third exam. They were less than I imagined, and one of them I flunked.
I was kind of disappointed at first but then remembered:
I haven’t had much time to study for those exams, no time to make summaries, didn’t even get to read the whole book for one of the two, so in fact, I didn’t do that bad.
It alsof felt quite nice that I didn’t have to tell my results to parents at home now, knowing that I would get a lot of bad, negative, mean comments about it. That I would get punished. That I would feel even worse. Like a failure.

No, this time, it was different. Because this time I’m not studying for anyone else, or because someone else wants me to. This time, I’m doing this for me.
Because I want to graduate and have a bachelor degree. Because I want to be able to give myself a better future, and my family.
Because I want myself and my future husband to have a better future, to give my future children more chances.
I want to be able to improve my life, and in the meantime those of others as well.

I am doing this for me.
And even though I’m keeping up high standards for myself, I sometimes need to pat myself on the shoulder. Because I know that I work hard, doing my utter best to balance work, my relationship, my household, friends, family, planning a wedding and a few others things at the same time.
It’s crazy at times, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
So if I look at all that, it’s no disgrace really to have to do some exams again this summer.
I only failed 1 out of 3 this far, so that’s not bad at all.
Also because the one I failed, is one that almost everybody failed, there have been a lot of complaints to the principal about the unfairness of the exam, and my grades aren’t final until the end of June, so a lot can happen in the meantime.

It feels good to realise that finally, I have my life in my own hands.
That I can make my own choices.
That there’s no one yelling and calling me names behind my back, forcing me to do things I don’t want to.
I feel so free whenever I realise that.
And my love is by my side, supporting me. Not pushing me.

I feel so free, so mature.
Making my own choices, paving my own path.
For the first time in my life, I see good things ahead, and I couldn’t be happier.

– Britt

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Future Plans

When someone asks me how I see my future with my Love I am very honest and direct: I want to marry him and have beautiful babies with him.
I want to buy a house of our own and live there with our two children, our little bunny, cat and at least one dog -preferably a husky-.
I want to travel the world along with my -by then- husband and our beautiful children.

So whenever I answer that, people tend to make big eyes and get very surprised, because I am only 23 years old.

When they say “Oh I get it, you mean in the future, a long time from now”, I answer them: “well no. I honestly want to have children while I’m still this young, I want to get married anytime soon, whenever my Love asks me. I want to live my life while I’m young”, they are even more surprised.

I have deliberately chosen that I want to be a young mother.
And people that don’t agree with me always have an excuse why “You’re too young, you won’t be able to do it.” Well, I believe I can. “You need to save more” If I wouldn’t have enough money to do it or whatever, I wouldn’t even think about it. “Don’t you first want to enjoy life?” As if getting married and/or getting a baby is the end of your life….

For every argument they give, I have an answer in return.
I want to know what I want to do with my life, so does my Love and that’s just great. I told my Love these same things as well as soon as we got serious, so he has known it for over 3 years now, and he agrees with me.

There will always be people that don’t agree with us, or understand our choices, but that’s their problem really.
I’m an adult. I have a job and pay my own bills. I can make my own choices.

So I will wait and see with my Love when the time is right for us to take our love, our life to the next level. And when we do, it will be our choice, and no one else’s.

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Darling

Darling

The time that I spend without you is just worthless if you ask me.
I spend my days counting the hours until we meet again, until I’ll be back in your arms.
Because laying in your arms, you stroking my skin and caressing my hair is the closest I’ll ever be to heaven.
I need you so badly that it feels like I’m not living if you’re not near.
I’d do anything for you.
If you’d ask me to die for you, I would. In a heartbeat.
Dearest, how I adore you.
How I need and love you.
You’re like the air that I breathe, the reason I get up in the morning.
You’re every beat that my heart makes.
The light in my darkness.
You truly are my one true love, the one I was destined to be with.
I’ve known it ever since you kissed me
for it was your kiss that made me feel like I finally found a home.
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.
I could use the wisest, most romantic and most beautiful words
but they wouldn’t even begin to cover my love for you.
If you’d ask me to leave everything behind
I would.
I’d give it all up, just to spend some time in your arms.
With you I don’t feel like I have to be strong all the time.
You’re the one I can be myself with.
Sometimes I crash down in your arms, I cry my heart out
when all is unfair
and then you come sweeping in, saving my life.
We’ve been through more than anyone could ever imagine.
And god, it feels so good to know that you’re mine. That you love me.
Darling, I could keep going on and on and on about my feelings for you and what it is that you do to me, but I’d rather prefer that you just kiss me right now.
Take me in your arms
kiss me the way only you can
still my tears, chase away the fears
tell me you love me
and know that no one could ever love you more
than I already do.

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Little Red Riding Hood

I have a list of things that I want to do before I die.
Things I’ve always wanted to do, but never had the guts for.
The courage.

To dye my hair was one of them.
And the color I’ve always wanted was a shade of red.
Either copper colored or a bit more orange, lighter.

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This was the color I wanted.

In a moment where I just decided to be impulsive me and one of my best friends arranged a sleepover where she’d do my hair 
and make it red.

As the weeks went by I constantly changed my mind.
Another color, another shade, maybe it was better if I wouldn’t do it, …
I started to hesitate, back down, crawl back to my safe spot that I’ve been in for all these years.

But like I said, life is too short.

So when the time was there, I bought the color that I wanted.
And made the decision to sacrifice my beautiful golden hair.

It’s been red/copper since Saturday evening.

I love it.
I had many positive reactions about it.
My parents aren’t too happy about it, but there not mad as well.
They know that I’m an adult that needs to make my own choices.

And if it looks good on me, well…

see for yourself 😉

BEFORE:
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AFTER:
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I Am A Dreamer

I am a dreamer.
Always have been.

Ever since I was a little child, my fantasy and dreams have often saved me from the cruel, cold world we sometimes call reality.

For me, my dreams and fantasy were a way to cope with all the deaths in my family.
My little sister, my grandfather, my great-grandmother, my first dog, my second dog, my uncle, …
It was a way to cope with things that didn’t make any sense to me.

Why would a normal, rather healthy, happy person commit suicide?
Why would a healthy, adorably sweet dog die?
Why did those people had to be taken away from me?
Were they making me TOO happy?
Was that a sin?

It became an automatism for me.
Whenever things get too hard, too real.
I escape.

Of course there comes a time when I have to leave my beautiful world and come back and face reality.
Face the problems, the issues, the situations.
And I do.
And it’s still hard, it is, every time again, but in a way, it’s easier when I first visited my fantasy world.

Also, my dreams are what define me.
My ambitions.
My hopes.
My expectations.

They are what shapes me.
And for that, I’m not afraid and ashamed to say that I’m a dreamer.
I’m proud of it.
And as long as I can, I promise to never stop dreaming.

With all my heart I believe that a person needs to dream.
Because they give you a goal.
Something to reach for.

Therefore I say: Keep dreaming.
Keep chasing that dream.
And who knows, maybe one day, it ‘ll be more than just a dream.
Maybe one day it ‘ll be something you can be proud of.
Something you actually have accomplished.

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