Bright Future Ahead

Today I had an oral exam early in the morning.
I got up on time, with my love, and we drove to my school – a drive of about half an hour , give or take-.
I was very nervous getting in, but was able to calm myself.
At the end of the exam I had a “really? that was it?”-feeling.
I went to the reception to collect my exam results from my second and third exam. They were less than I imagined, and one of them I flunked.
I was kind of disappointed at first but then remembered:
I haven’t had much time to study for those exams, no time to make summaries, didn’t even get to read the whole book for one of the two, so in fact, I didn’t do that bad.
It alsof felt quite nice that I didn’t have to tell my results to parents at home now, knowing that I would get a lot of bad, negative, mean comments about it. That I would get punished. That I would feel even worse. Like a failure.

No, this time, it was different. Because this time I’m not studying for anyone else, or because someone else wants me to. This time, I’m doing this for me.
Because I want to graduate and have a bachelor degree. Because I want to be able to give myself a better future, and my family.
Because I want myself and my future husband to have a better future, to give my future children more chances.
I want to be able to improve my life, and in the meantime those of others as well.

I am doing this for me.
And even though I’m keeping up high standards for myself, I sometimes need to pat myself on the shoulder. Because I know that I work hard, doing my utter best to balance work, my relationship, my household, friends, family, planning a wedding and a few others things at the same time.
It’s crazy at times, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
So if I look at all that, it’s no disgrace really to have to do some exams again this summer.
I only failed 1 out of 3 this far, so that’s not bad at all.
Also because the one I failed, is one that almost everybody failed, there have been a lot of complaints to the principal about the unfairness of the exam, and my grades aren’t final until the end of June, so a lot can happen in the meantime.

It feels good to realise that finally, I have my life in my own hands.
That I can make my own choices.
That there’s no one yelling and calling me names behind my back, forcing me to do things I don’t want to.
I feel so free whenever I realise that.
And my love is by my side, supporting me. Not pushing me.

I feel so free, so mature.
Making my own choices, paving my own path.
For the first time in my life, I see good things ahead, and I couldn’t be happier.

– Britt

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Chances

In one of my earlier posts, the one called “Waiting for love” – https://bittersweetxromance.wordpress.com/2012/05/21/waiting-for-love/ – I already talked about , in my opinion, one of the most beautiful parts from the show “How I met your mother” –it’s one of my all time favorites for sure-. The part where Ted Mosby and Stella Zinman are in her car, and Ted’s talking about how he wants what Stella and her boyfriend have, what Lily and Marshall have, … true love. A good , real love. And how he’s tired of waiting. I have to say, I knew and still know how he feels. Haven’t we all? That you just got tired of waiting around for the perfect one to come around. To make all the waiting and suffering worth. I sure could.

And this is a beautiful video I found on youtube, that kind of perfectly describes it all. How he got hurt in the past, with past relationships. How he grew stronger every time and got over it. And how those changes, leaded him to his true love (‘the mother’, not shown in this clip). The song used in the video is Five for fighting with chances. A very beautiful song.

Enjoy

This video shows how you get beaten down by love, but how you just have to get back on your feet again. How you’ll get stronger, and finally achieve that what you wanted the most. Enjoy