Colbie Caillat- I Never Told You (Dear John Version)

I miss those blue eyes
How you kiss me at night
I miss the way we sleep
Like there’s no sunrise
Like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe
But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in

And now I miss everything about you
I can’t believe it, I still want you
After all the things we’ve been through
I miss everything about you
Without you, whoa…

I see your blue eyes
Every time I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to
When I’m not around you
It’s like I’m not with me

But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in

And now I miss everything about you (still you’re gone)
I can’t believe it, I still want you (And I’m lovin’ you, I never should have walked away)
After all the things we’ve been through (I know it’s never gonna come again)
I miss everything about you
Without you, whoa…

But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in

And now I miss everything about you (still you’re gone)
Can’t believe it, I still want you (And I’m lovin’ you, I never should have walked away)
After all the things we’ve been through (I know it’s never gonna come again)
I miss everything about you
Without you, whoa, no, no…

Night Terrors

I’m going through a real hard time right now.

There’s been lots of fights at home, between me and my parents.
Mostly my mom and I.
Which caused me and my boyfriend to fight, because most of the times my mom was setting up new rules.
When my boyfriend and I could meet, whether we could sleep together or not, whether we’d eat together or not…

My love and I never used to fight, but lately, we often do.
So things aren’t always so great between the two of us as well.

School sucks, more than it did before.
I love what I’m doing, I just don’t like my class anymore.
20 babbling women… It literally drives you nuts.
My head is pounding every evening.
There’s also so much drama.
Backstabbing comments, sneers, …
Ugh.

I thought things were getting better, but then last night when I was sleeping next to my love, something happened.
This morning he told me that suddenly, in the middle of the night, I’d started screaming in terror and fear.
It was a scream and a cry combined.
He said that it sounded as if I was terrified of something.
He soothed me a bit and told me to lay down in his arms, which according to him I did as he held me close.

The things is: I didn’t have a nightmare.
I don’t remember anything as well.

Which means my night terrors are back.
This kind of situation only happens when I’m trying to suppress things. 
Which obviously doesn’t work. 

I have to admit that I’m a bit scared…
Since I thought I had things back under control, but instead it’s gotten worse…

Now I don’t even have some rest at night…

I Dream

I dream.

Of our own little place.
Where it always smells like roses.
Where the rays of the sun dance on the floor and windows.

Where happiness is all around us.
Where we dance every night, drinking whine.
Where we make love.

Where we live.
Where our friends come to visit us.
Where we can fall asleep on the couch, cuddling for the telly.

Where we fight,
make up.
Laugh and cry.

Where we start a new chapter of our life,
together.
Where we’ll learn just how strong our love is.

Where we surprise each other.
Where we cook side by side.
Where we clean dishes, splashing water into each other’s face.

Where we give our own personal touch.
Painting the walls.
Decorating. Making it ours.

We wouldn’t need a big apartment.
Or a lot of money.
As long as we’d have each other, we’d be fine.

I dream and dream, 
and hope that it will finally come true.
I count the days.

 

Princess of Darkness

As a dark princess she split the sky.
Leaving slight waves of fog all around her.
Bats surrounding her.
Crows flying close to her.

Creatures of the night came out of their homes.
Following her into the dark forest.
As she danced through the night, 
with only the light of the moon to guide her.

Wolves walking by her side, guiding her.
Protecting her.
She curled the ends of her red painted lips up.
A beautiful smile showing on her face.

She was neither good nor bad.
A princess of the darkness.
Filled with life,
but inevitable connected to death.

Dancing as if she was in her own little world.
Protected by the creatures on her side.
The darkness.
The moon.

Alone she danced.
Laughed and cried.
Twirled as her black hair spread around her, like a veil.

Alone.
But happy.

Best Four Days! ♥

I just had four amaaaazing days with my boyfriend, so I have to admit that now they’re over I feel a bit sad.

I love going to school, I love all that’s being teached to me but still.

Wednesday evening we went to a bar with his best friend, we had a few drinks when I suddenly got the idea to go to the MacDonalds nearby.
Since it’s open ’till midnight.
They both thought it was a great idea and we hurried over there.

Once we had arrived there, we saw a friend of mine again, whom we’d seen before, in the bar where we first were.
We laughed at the unbelievable coincidence (since he had left the bar before we had)
and made some jokes about it.

When we got in line to make our order at the MacDo, I noticed that the cashier boy was also one of my friends, whom I know worked there because I’d seen him there one time before.

We had a small talk before my boyfriend, his best friend and I got to our table.
In the end, right before we were about to leave, my friend offered me a free milkshake, I could even pick the flavor!

Thursday I went over to my boyfriend’s to do some work for school while he helped his mom and youngest brother painting outside.
I did my task for school and spent the other time chatting with my ex-best friend (who’s still a great friend of mine!).

After he was done painting, my love and I went to a little fair.
I sweetly asked him if he would win me a teddy bear in the luna park.
One from the machines with the hooks.
He said he had never done that before.
But that he’d give it a try, for me.
After about 5 times trying, he did get me a teddy bear!
The cutest ‘me to you’ teddy bear that you could imagine!
A big one as well!
With a blue cap on, and her little blue nose…
I named her Ariana, because it’s one of my favorite names.
I simply couldn’t stop hugging her!
She’s so cute!
I couldn’t even begin to explain how proud I was of my love.
It was the sweetest thing!

Friday we took the train to Ghent where we spent the day shopping.
I still had to get a gift for Mother’s Day, and some birthday gifts.
Luckily, the weather brightened up during the day.
We had MacDonalds as lunch and spend some hours just hanging around.
What a lovely day it was!
In the evening, my brother and I left band practice early because we were tired, which gave me some extra time with my love.
I’m addicted, I know.

Saturday, we got up rather early as well because we had a reservation at a Wellness.
We had been there before, one time and we’d been very happy about that experience.
This Saturday however, there were lots and lots of people.
So we left around four in the evening.
We’d been there about… 5 hours in total.
But still we felt satisfied.

I slept at his place Saturday night, since his parents were gone until Sunday evening.
We had a rather boring evening, just watching fragments of movies and series on tv.

But the night, sleeping in his arms was great!
Although it was hot, and I barely slept.

Today, I spend the morning sleeping in his bed while he was away for a match.
I got up with him though, had breakfast together.
In the afternoon, we went to my grandmother and had lunch with a part of my family.

Ahh…
What a lovely four days those were!

The Night

I love the night, for it’s darkness does not scare me.

It stimulates my senses. Makes me fantasize. Brings out the worst , and the best of me.

It reminds me of my darkest dreams, my deepest, darkest fears.

It’s a moment of self reflection.

The night is a mirror , placed in my hands, tempting me to have a look, to see what I truly look like.

I might not like whatever it is that I’m seeing.

But the mirror can’t lie. It shows me how I really am.

How beautiful, or how terrifying.

It forces me to evaluate my actions. Daring myself to doubt them.

“What did I do?” “Could I’ve done it any other way? A better way?”

It reminds me of all the things I have,

and all the things I’ve lost.

It makes me think about life. About the past, the present and the future.

It reminds me of the fact that no matter how bad something might seem in the beginning, it can only get better

It’s always darkest before the dawn