I Dream

I dream.

Of our own little place.
Where it always smells like roses.
Where the rays of the sun dance on the floor and windows.

Where happiness is all around us.
Where we dance every night, drinking whine.
Where we make love.

Where we live.
Where our friends come to visit us.
Where we can fall asleep on the couch, cuddling for the telly.

Where we fight,
make up.
Laugh and cry.

Where we start a new chapter of our life,
together.
Where we’ll learn just how strong our love is.

Where we surprise each other.
Where we cook side by side.
Where we clean dishes, splashing water into each other’s face.

Where we give our own personal touch.
Painting the walls.
Decorating. Making it ours.

We wouldn’t need a big apartment.
Or a lot of money.
As long as we’d have each other, we’d be fine.

I dream and dream, 
and hope that it will finally come true.
I count the days.

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My Perfect Wedding

I definitely want to get married someday.

Ever since I was a little girl I dreamt of my perfect wedding in a long white princess lookalike wedding gown.
I’d marry the love of my life, the one I’d spend the rest of my life with.
We’d marry in a beautiful old church or outside in a forest filled with flowers,  just like Peyton and Lucas did in One Tree Hill.
I’d love that. 

My mission, my purpose in life is to find my ‘Lucas’, my true love.
To be someone’s Peyton.
The one you always wanted.
Desired.

I have the feeling that I know am.
My boyfriend definitely is my ‘Lucas’.
And I do think if he’d be the one I would marry one day.
Of course, we still have a long way to go until then.
But still.

A girl can dream right?

My wedding would be so perfect, romantic.
Not too big, just our closest friends and family.
I wouldn’t need a big feast, as long as I’d have the persons that truly matter to me.

And of course, my husband to be.

Heads would turn and jaws would drop as soon as I’d enter.
As I’d be walking down the aisle, people would whisper to each other how beautiful I look.
How happy.

They’d be jealous of me.
They’d envy me.
They’d say I’m so lucky.

Because I would be happy.
I really would.

I’m still young, I know that.
And I won’t get married soon but still
in a way
I can barely wait for that beautiful day I’ve been dreaming of for so long to come.

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I Wonder Because It’s All That I Can Do

Why did you have to go
and leave me behind?
What is it that I’ve done wrong?
Wasn’t I good enough?

The love we had was so intense, passionate.
The kind of love most people can only dream of.
We were best friends, brother and sister, lovers.
We were childish as infants, mature as adults.

We were so in love.
What went wrong?
Where did we go wrong?
I still don’t know…

Love went away.
The fire went gone.
The flame going out.
A love divided.

Are you happy now?
Are you already seeing someone new?
Do you regret leaving?
Do you still think about me?

Do you even care?
I wonder.
Because it’s all that I can do now.
Thinking. Wondering. As I desperately wait for your return.

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Future Dreams

I want to have children someday.
I know that now more than ever.
I’ve been a babysit ever since I was seventeen years old, which means I’ve been babysitting for about four years now.
When I was little, one of my dreams was to become a kindergarten teacher.
I love children. Love them.
I’m a very beloved babysit as well.

I’m babysitting as I’m writing this as well.
A few minutes ago, I heard a loud bang upstairs.
I immediately ran up the stairs.
Apparently, the oldest one of the two little children had fallen out of his bed.
He has a net above his bed, wrapped around his bed.
Hanging by a hook in the ceiling, and apparently he had had a bad dream or such because when I arrived the net was down and the little boy was tangled in the net.
Of course he was crying, so the first minutes I just held him close to me, swaying him softly.

It felt so good.
It always feels so good when children adapt to you
Even though I’ve been babysitting here a couple of times, the children never saw me, because they’re always in bed when I arrive.
And still, this little boy completely trusted me right away.
He didn’t cry because he saw a stranger.
Or because he was held close by someone he had never seen before, even though I would be surprised at least when suddenly when I’d wake up from a bad dream that there’d be a stranger holding me.

Not these children.
They trust me.
Get soothed by my touch.
My voice.

Children… they are so loving.

I know I’m still young, and I know that my boyfriend and I haven’t been together THAT long but still…
I can just imagine what our children would look like.A daughter with my long golden blonde hair and his green-brown-blue-gray eyes.
A boy with his dark black hair and my blue eyes.
Other combinations.
They would be beautiful no matter what combination they’d have.

I can’t wait to live on my own , most of all I’d love to live together with my love.
And someday have our own house.
And hopefully, children.

 Who knows.
A girl can dream, right?

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I Am A Dreamer

I am a dreamer.
Always have been.

Ever since I was a little child, my fantasy and dreams have often saved me from the cruel, cold world we sometimes call reality.

For me, my dreams and fantasy were a way to cope with all the deaths in my family.
My little sister, my grandfather, my great-grandmother, my first dog, my second dog, my uncle, …
It was a way to cope with things that didn’t make any sense to me.

Why would a normal, rather healthy, happy person commit suicide?
Why would a healthy, adorably sweet dog die?
Why did those people had to be taken away from me?
Were they making me TOO happy?
Was that a sin?

It became an automatism for me.
Whenever things get too hard, too real.
I escape.

Of course there comes a time when I have to leave my beautiful world and come back and face reality.
Face the problems, the issues, the situations.
And I do.
And it’s still hard, it is, every time again, but in a way, it’s easier when I first visited my fantasy world.

Also, my dreams are what define me.
My ambitions.
My hopes.
My expectations.

They are what shapes me.
And for that, I’m not afraid and ashamed to say that I’m a dreamer.
I’m proud of it.
And as long as I can, I promise to never stop dreaming.

With all my heart I believe that a person needs to dream.
Because they give you a goal.
Something to reach for.

Therefore I say: Keep dreaming.
Keep chasing that dream.
And who knows, maybe one day, it ‘ll be more than just a dream.
Maybe one day it ‘ll be something you can be proud of.
Something you actually have accomplished.

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