Important Little Things Of Life

Sometimes we tend to forget the most important things in life.
Friendship. Love. Family.
These are just a few things that we need to value.
Things we often forget.

Beauty. Perfection. Happiness.
Things we try to achieve, because it makes your life richer.
Because it gives you something more.
Something that can rarely be replaced.

Dreams. Hope. Relief.
Things I strongly believe in.
It’s what I fight for, would die for.

Peace.
Something we should fight for more often.
Because it’s worth the battle.

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Best Four Days! ♥

I just had four amaaaazing days with my boyfriend, so I have to admit that now they’re over I feel a bit sad.

I love going to school, I love all that’s being teached to me but still.

Wednesday evening we went to a bar with his best friend, we had a few drinks when I suddenly got the idea to go to the MacDonalds nearby.
Since it’s open ’till midnight.
They both thought it was a great idea and we hurried over there.

Once we had arrived there, we saw a friend of mine again, whom we’d seen before, in the bar where we first were.
We laughed at the unbelievable coincidence (since he had left the bar before we had)
and made some jokes about it.

When we got in line to make our order at the MacDo, I noticed that the cashier boy was also one of my friends, whom I know worked there because I’d seen him there one time before.

We had a small talk before my boyfriend, his best friend and I got to our table.
In the end, right before we were about to leave, my friend offered me a free milkshake, I could even pick the flavor!

Thursday I went over to my boyfriend’s to do some work for school while he helped his mom and youngest brother painting outside.
I did my task for school and spent the other time chatting with my ex-best friend (who’s still a great friend of mine!).

After he was done painting, my love and I went to a little fair.
I sweetly asked him if he would win me a teddy bear in the luna park.
One from the machines with the hooks.
He said he had never done that before.
But that he’d give it a try, for me.
After about 5 times trying, he did get me a teddy bear!
The cutest ‘me to you’ teddy bear that you could imagine!
A big one as well!
With a blue cap on, and her little blue nose…
I named her Ariana, because it’s one of my favorite names.
I simply couldn’t stop hugging her!
She’s so cute!
I couldn’t even begin to explain how proud I was of my love.
It was the sweetest thing!

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Friday we took the train to Ghent where we spent the day shopping.
I still had to get a gift for Mother’s Day, and some birthday gifts.
Luckily, the weather brightened up during the day.
We had MacDonalds as lunch and spend some hours just hanging around.
What a lovely day it was!
In the evening, my brother and I left band practice early because we were tired, which gave me some extra time with my love.
I’m addicted, I know.

Saturday, we got up rather early as well because we had a reservation at a Wellness.
We had been there before, one time and we’d been very happy about that experience.
This Saturday however, there were lots and lots of people.
So we left around four in the evening.
We’d been there about… 5 hours in total.
But still we felt satisfied.

I slept at his place Saturday night, since his parents were gone until Sunday evening.
We had a rather boring evening, just watching fragments of movies and series on tv.

But the night, sleeping in his arms was great!
Although it was hot, and I barely slept.

Today, I spend the morning sleeping in his bed while he was away for a match.
I got up with him though, had breakfast together.
In the afternoon, we went to my grandmother and had lunch with a part of my family.

Ahh…
What a lovely four days those were!

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A Spark Of Hope

Tonight I went over to my boyfriend’s place again, like I do every Tuesday.
I have dinner there and go to his practice with him.
Right when we were about to leave for practice, he checked his Facebook and saw that he didn’t have any.
That there were too few people.

So we decided to go ‘out’, we drove to the town nearby, took a walk around the neighborhood until we both got way too cold and decided to go into his favorite café.
The café where we had been on our very first date as well.
We brought back those memories, talking about it as he bought me my favorite drink when I’m cold: a hot chocolate with whipped cream.

We talked and talked and talked…
It was heaven.
It really was.
Not that we don’t talk enough, we constantly talk, but this was different.
We got to talk about what’s “wrong” right now.
About us.
Our plans.
Before we had left, I had gotten all sad again in his room, telling him that I found we had been boring lately.
That we got into some kind of routine.
That I felt trapped, being home for over a month.
I felt bored.
Barely alive.

In the café, I also confessed to him that I miss Ghent a lot.
I miss seeing other people.
I miss the warm sunny days in Ghent when everyone would go to the Citadel Park near school, where we’d just sit and enjoy the sun.

Sometimes, there would even be musicians playing in the garden house.
We would get pizza, kebab or french fries nearby and go and eat them in the park.
Or we would go to the Saint-Peters Square and sit in the sun.
Or visit the beautiful garden that’s located there.
Or have a drink at the bowling place.
Yes, life was good back then.

And I miss Ghent.
A lot.
All of it.

It felt good to talk about all of that with him.
It felt like we both needed that.
And as we sat there, talking, smiling, laughing, drinking…
I fell in love with him all over again.

When we were still at his place, I told him that maybe we shouldn’t see each other for a couple of days.
That I would die because I’d miss him, but that maybe we would break the routine that way.

But sitting in the café, there was not a single part of me that wanted to be separated from him.
I needed him.
Always have.
Always will.

Yes, tonight was a good evening.
I just wish we could’ve spend the night and morning together as well.
It broke my heart to tell him goodbye for the night.
I hope that soon I won’t have to anymore…

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My Salvation

Usually, during my exam period I’m going through a dark period in my life as well, which would be kind of logic if you ask me.
You’re up in your room for hours, days, bend over books with endless texts, books that never seem to come to an end.
You get up early to study all day, only exit your room to either make a pit stop in the bathroom or to eat.
The only people you see now and then are your relatives: mom, dad, sister/brother, …
Your social life is pretty much dead, non-existing.
You look like crap, you’re often tired from studying so late and getting up early the next morning.
Your head is pounding.
Sometimes, you may even feel the need to cry, for absolutely no reason.
You’re lonely. You feel lonely, sad, down even.
There’s a lot of stress, because, when you’re in college or on university you only get one chance to pass curtain exams, and if you fail them you have to retake them during summer break , which isn’t fun at all.
Your parents might be on your back, telling you to study more, asking if you already know everything when you come down for just a second, just because you can’t stand being caged between those four walls of your room anymore. Prisoned.
The stress might lead to domestic disputes. Which give you even more stress. Make you scared, make you feel pushed.
So yes, normally, exams truly are hell for me. Because I’m a social person, I love to spend my time with my friends, classmates, boyfriend, …
I hate being locked up.
And I’m better at studying in the late afternoon or even at night, but since I have to get up super early (at 5.30 a.m.  when I have to be at school around 8.45 a.m. when school starts) it’s killing me.
And my parents are indeed pushing me to study , complaining about my attitude. Not as much as they usually would do though, but still.
And yes, it has led to some major fights, where a lot of feelings got hurt (mostly mine).
And yes, I always had major stress feelings for exams, always have and probably always will. Especially now, in college, when you have only one chance to pass.
But still, I don’t feel as bad as I normally would. Not at all actually. And the reason , is my boyfriend.

He has been supporting and motivating me.
Cheering me up when I was  feeling down, broken, lost.
Taking me in his strong arms and holding me close, stroking my hair as the tears were streaming down my cheeks.
There were moments when I felt completely lost, not even knowing if I’d even finish this year. If I wanted to keep studying. I just wanted to quit it all, leave school and look for work.
He was the one telling me (in a non-pushing way) to at least hold on till January, and wait for my exam results.
Even though I only had my first exam yesterday, I know that he was right to tell me to wait, since yesterday I went to a teacher to get more information about one of the possible studies I could do starting February (like I already told in my post from yesterday) and it made me realize, that I really would like to do that.
He made me hold on, be strong, patient, brave.
And if there would be a time that I’d just crash and collapse again, he’d be there to pick me up, make everything alright again. Safe.
And I know that I won’t see him much the next three weeks during my exams, but I don’t even need to see him to know that he’s still there for me.
We seem to have some sort of telepathic connection.
Every time when I am feeling down, or a bit sad, or tired, … I get a text from him.
Saying that he loves me, how much he loves me or that he’s missing me.
It doesn’t even have to be more than that. No long texts saying all kind of things, just that.
And when I get a message like that, during one of those moments, it makes me happy again.
He has read some of my posts, because I wanted to see his reaction to them, but still I’m sure that he hasn’t got a clue just how important he really is to me. How much he means.
How much all of this, him, us, means. What it has done to me, and what it’s still doing.
Of course, he’s not the first boy that I write about, I used to keep a diary in which I mostly wrote whenever I was in love with someone. I would write in it when I got my heart broken as well, which happened more often than I would like to admit.
I’m an over sensitive person, which means I have a lot, a lot of feelings and emotions. Writing is one of my major ways to let them out. To let the feelings go.

And I admit, sometimes my feelings for him scared me because they were so overwhelming.
Like a wave, threatening to drown me.
I now realize that that was because I had never felt anything like it before.
I have been in love before, but not like this.
He is the first boy that I can see myself growing old with.
I’m dreaming about living together, going on vacation together, having kids together,..
Start a life of our own, together. Side by side.
And the thought of that alone is enough to make me smile.
In a way, he saved me.
He is my drug, the air that I breathe.
He’s not perfect, he has his flaws, but that only makes him human.
He knows my deepest, darkest secrets, but still loves me.
He knows that I have a few other boys chasing me, but he trusts me. Completely.
He would do anything for me, which doesn’t mean that I always get what I want. If he doesn’t agree with me, he’ll tell me so and speak his mind. He won’t let me run over him, which I really admire. I love a man that can stand up for himself. Who is able to say ‘no’ when he needs to, and speak for himself.
He knows I sometimes have mood swings, for no reason whatsoever, but still he accepts me just the way I am.
And for that and many more, I love him.
And I always will.

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Looking Back

It’s around this time of the year that I always sit and think for a moment.
As I sit and think, I look back on the past year. Did I achieve the goals I had set for myself? Am I happy now?

And if I’m being completely honest with myself, I have to admit that I didn’t get where I wanted to be.
By now, I thought I’d be in my second year of college studying to become a history/ English teacher in high school.
I had to let go of my dream to be a teacher once I found out that I just wasn’t able to talk in front of so much people, the history/English part, I would’ve succeeded in, if I would’ve worked harder, but the teaching part… no… that failed.
So I watched my dream of the past eight to ten years just..crumble and burn to ashes. Which was hard.
Instead, I’m now in my first year of Graphical Design.
Studying something I swore I’d never, ever do again.
And I have to admit, I hate this first semester, since I have every possible course, and I hate web design for example.
But the second semester is going to be much, much better, since after our January exams, we get to choose our study. There are four different ones, and we have to pick one.
I feel good about mine, even though I’m leaving my great friends from my class now behind…
So as far as school goes, I consider myself failed.
I lost contact with some friends. Some I don’t mind losing contact with, but the school year before, I had four great friends, and I surely miss them…
I’m so busy with school all the time now (yes, even more than last year!), since we have to constantly work and all my remaining time goes to my family, hobbies and my amazing boyfriend.
That’s a big win for me this year.
A year ago, I had my heart broken by a boy that I loved, but he didn’t love me back. Instead, he used me. Played me. Which hurt, a lot.
So, while writing in my Diary (which I don’t really do anymore) I promised myself, as I was writing a poem, that in a year or so, I’d make a perfect pair with someone, that I’d be happy, in love. That I’d find a great boy and love him to bits.
I said that he would be nice, loving, caring, tender and playful, maybe even a bit romantic.
And I’m so deliriously happy to say that I have found him.
No matter what, he stands by my side. Even though the past four months and three weeks I’ve often been a wreck. He’s seen and heard me crash so often. He’s seen me beautiful, sleazy, tired, annoyed, irritated, happy, crying, …
and he was always there for me. Even without saying something. He’d just take me in his arms and caress my hair. Tell me everything would be ok and that he was there for me.
He makes me feel so safe.  So happy.

Although I’m about six years younger than him, he doesn’t treat me like a little child just because I’m ‘only’ 20 years old, no, he treats me as an adult. He helps me be more adult, and he doesn’t feel ashamed or embarrassed when I do behave a little .. immature. When I act silly, laughing for absolutely no reason, smiling, sticking out my tongue (yes, I love to do that, can’t help it).
He likes that I still feel young. That I still believe in fairy tales. He says it makes me cute.
That I’m cute.
Looking back on the past year, he’s the best thing that happened to me.
And tonight, I’ll spend my first Christmas eve with him and a part of his family.
I’m going to meet his godchild, so like I said yesterday, I’m nervous.
I’ll start early enough to prepare myself for tonight. Have a nice long shower to calm down the nerves, take enough time to dress up and do my make up, …

I hope this is the start of a beautiful tradition. The beginning of many Christmas holidays together. Of a life together. A beautiful life.

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I’m not the same girl that I was a year ago as well. I know my parents, especially my mom will tell me otherwise, but I did grow up.
I’m thinking about my future, about working and earning money myself. I’m thinking of going on a short vacation with my love, thinking about living together one day, thinking about babies (don’t worry, not the first three years, at least), …
I want to feel more useful, I want to be able to cook, take care of myself, stand on my own two feet.
And really, I’ve been feeling that way since I spent three weeks on my own during Summer break, while the rest of the family was out on vacation.
I managed just fine really.
I cleaned, cooked, prepared meals for myself, did the dishes myself, took care of the pets, …

And I dress differently as well. I still wear a lot of black, since it’s my favourite colour, along with red, and okay, sometimes you can find me wearing a ‘childish’ t-shirt, or gothic things that –as my mom likes to say- makes me look like a slut, but that’s just who I am, and I’m not going to apologize for being myself.
I wear whatever I like, and it’s not like I’m going to dress slutty when I have to go to something formal.
I like black, I love black, I adore black, because of many reasons. First of all: it reminds me of death, which –of course- is not a pleasant or a good thing, but still it does happen. Everyday. People get born, they live and then, at some point, either way too early, mostly way too early, they die. So whenever I wear black, I think back of all the people I’ve lost, I have to say goodbye to. That way, I’ll never forget them. I’ll honour them, by living a good life, but showing them then no matter what, they are always with me, because I’ll always wear something black. How tiny or little it may be, even if  you can’t always see it.
Second, I find black a rather elegant, fashionable, mysterious colour. So whenever I wear black, I feel mysterious, a kind of special.
I don’t want to be one of those people that follow the rest. Whenever purple’s the new trendy colour , everyone starts to wear purple. No. Not me. I want to be different, show people that I have my own personality and style.
I am me. And even though I may not be the smartest, most beautiful or talented person on this planet, I am proud of who I am and what it is that I have achieved, how little that may be.
And I hope that I’ll never forget that.

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December

I love December.
It may be cold and wet, but that makes it even more cosy to just stay inside with a nice warm blanket, some hot chocolate (with whipped cream, of course!) and a nice warm fire. 
It’s even better when you have someone who loves you (boyfriend/girlfriend) to sit with you by that fire and just enjoy the small things in life.
See the lights on the streets when it’s dark, lighting up the sky.
Making you feel happy, it always makes me smile.
Brightens up my day.
And then, in the end, after a long and hard and tiresome day, you come home. To the warmth of home, and fall asleep in the arms of your loved one.
It’s heaven really.
I love how you get to go out and buy presents for everyone that matters, so today I went out to buy the Christmas present for my boyfriend.
We decided to do it on Christmas, since we both already get presents for New Years and well.. I find that kind of stupid.
I’d rather find some presents under the Christmas and unpack them with all those Christmas songs playing in the background, by the light of Christmas decoration than just on the day when a new year has begun…
So, I asked him if we could do our presents on Christmas, and he agreed -isn’t he a dear?-.
So yes, I love Christmas holidays.
And that’s why I hate the fact that if you’re in college, you’re supposed to be studying during that period.
What kind of evil person has invented that?
“Hey, since I’m always alone with Christmas and New Years (Eve), I want to make everyone suffer the way I do every year. I’ll invent something called exams, and place them in the first weeks after the holidays, that way everyone’ll spend their vacation studying, muahaha ! *insert evil laugh here*”
bastard –‘
Well, too bad for that person, but I’m going to combine both.
I’ll have and a vacation and a study period.
I’ll study during the day, so that in the evening, I can have some time off.
I hope it ‘ll work.
Anyway, now I’m going to unpack my boyfriend’s gift and wrap it in a new wrapping.
I wish you all a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year! 

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