Times have changed

The times have changed, and I’m not sure if I like it…

My group of friends seems to be falling apart, even though most of them claim that everything’s okay and that nothing’s changed. 

One of my closest friends is going through hell and back. And I feel so .. useless. Powerless. As if I’m standing outside, looking through the window, not being able to do anything about what I see.

Love’s a mess as well. I had a friend, over a year, he had loved me. But he still had a girlfriend, and well, he lives in the other part of the country (and even though Belgium’s a small country, it’s not THAT  small). He and his girlfriend had been together for about 4 years, and were in an open relationship for the last year. He loved me. When it was over with his girlfriend, we decided to give us a try. We kissed at Carnival. 

We were in love. But he needed time.

And well… about a week ago , some days after I broke up with my boyfriend, he just told me that I’m not right for him. That I’m not on his level. That he doesn’t want to be a sort of teacher for me. He treated me as if I was a little child. Needing guidance.

And that was it.

My heart crushed.

Again.

So I decided to give up on love, at least for a while.

I need some time to heal my heart, to find out what I truly want.

What I need.

And how I’m going to get it.

Because apparently, I’m doing something wrong.

The thing is, what? And how can I fix it?