My Perfect Wedding

I definitely want to get married someday.

Ever since I was a little girl I dreamt of my perfect wedding in a long white princess lookalike wedding gown.
I’d marry the love of my life, the one I’d spend the rest of my life with.
We’d marry in a beautiful old church or outside in a forest filled with flowers,  just like Peyton and Lucas did in One Tree Hill.
I’d love that. 

My mission, my purpose in life is to find my ‘Lucas’, my true love.
To be someone’s Peyton.
The one you always wanted.
Desired.

I have the feeling that I know am.
My boyfriend definitely is my ‘Lucas’.
And I do think if he’d be the one I would marry one day.
Of course, we still have a long way to go until then.
But still.

A girl can dream right?

My wedding would be so perfect, romantic.
Not too big, just our closest friends and family.
I wouldn’t need a big feast, as long as I’d have the persons that truly matter to me.

And of course, my husband to be.

Heads would turn and jaws would drop as soon as I’d enter.
As I’d be walking down the aisle, people would whisper to each other how beautiful I look.
How happy.

They’d be jealous of me.
They’d envy me.
They’d say I’m so lucky.

Because I would be happy.
I really would.

I’m still young, I know that.
And I won’t get married soon but still
in a way
I can barely wait for that beautiful day I’ve been dreaming of for so long to come.

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I Need A Break

Sometimes we have doubts, about things we were so sure of once.
What we were going to study, who we would love, who would always be our best friends, what your life would be like…

But the truth is
that you never know for sure.
You never know for sure, unless you have some actual proof.

When you start studying what you always wanted to do, and it works out great.
When you’re in a relationship with the one you’ve always loved, and it’s a true fairytale love.
When your friends are always by your side, no matter how long it has been since you last talked, or since you’ve even seen each other, …
No matter what.

I’m not saying that I’m having doubts about all these things.
I love my boyfriend with all my heart, I really hope I get to spend the rest of my life with him but I’m just finding out that fairytales really doesn’t exist.
That love don’t come easy.
That a real, long lasting relationship is hard work.
Everyday a little bit.

I feel naive.
For ever believing that a relationship would always be as passionate as in the beginning.
For believing that you could keep acting like two teenagers whom are insanely in love.

In a way, I still am.
But in the other way, it’s damn hard work from time to time.
And I’ve reached a point where I’m currently so tired of trying.
I’ll just… let it go for a few days.

I need a break.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t love my boyfriend any less.
I won’t ignore or outrun him.

I just need to focus on myself for some time.
Give myself a break.
Maybe that ‘ll make him realize how much I actually give.

I know this sounds bad, but I don’t see it that way.
I just overdid it.
That’s all.

That’s the thing with me.
I’m a feelings person. 
And as I feel every little feeling so intense, it sometimes gets too much for me.
This is one of those moments.

Sometimes all those feelings, all those new experiences get too much.
There’s some stuff going on at home, I just started my new education, I see my boyfriend less than the past two months, he started working again so he’ll be tired again, he’s still hurt from some bruises and injuries, …

I just need a break.
I’ll try to take a break.
I need it.

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Thank You

I want to thank you.

For loving me.
For being my reason for living.
Ever since we met, you’ve changed my life. 
I never realized how damn important you would be for me.
How unbelievably much you’d mean to me.
What you’d become.
And what I now hope you will always be.

Ever since you loved me, I changed.
I became stronger, more confident with all the changes my body was and is going through.
You made me feel beautiful again, while I was grieving over my so called lost beauty.
Whenever I’d be sad, down, broken.. You’d simply pick me up and put the pieces back together again.

You’re my guardian angel.
My best friend.
My big brother.
But most of all, my lover.
The person I love the most.
The one I love with all my heart.
The one I’d die for to keep.
The one, my one.

You’re the one I want to have children with someday.
You’re the one I want to marry.
You’re the one I want to grow old with.
You’re the one I see myself spending the rest of my life with. 

Your beauty is overwhelming.
As is all the love you give to me.
Every touch, every kiss, … it causes my heart to skip a beat.
I’m so hopelessly and helplessly in love with you.
I am so lost in you.

I know I tell you everyday that I love you, and how much I love you.
How I adore you.
But I never thanked you for loving me.
For changing my life.
Because you did.
You made me believe in things like love at first sight, true love and fairytales again.
Because we have it all.

You truly are everything I could’ve ever dreamed of.
You are everything and more.
All I could’ve asked for.

Thank you, for being the wonderful, loving, sensitive, funny, caring, … person that you are.
Thank you, for always protecting me from all the bad things in the world.
Thank you also, for still letting me experience some things on my own.
Thank you, for giving me the strength needed to make a decision to change my course in life.
Thank you, for trusting me, even when I know it’s not always that easy, since there are constantly people trying to get between us.

But most of all, thank you, for loving me.
Because your love has truly changed me.
Thank you, for making me see the person I should’ve been all along.

I love you, please don’t ever leave.

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