Fear Of Driving Combined With Love And Patience

Yesterday evening I had my first driving lesson with my boyfriend.
It wasn’t my first time driving, since about two and a half years ago I had taken twelve hours of driving lessons with an instructor.
But after that, I barely drove three times.
So now I have to start over again.

He was very patient and most of all: calm.
And that’s what kept me calm.
Which is good, since I’m scared of driving.

We can’t go on the street though, since he’s not qualified to do so.
The instructor needs to have had his driving license for at least 8 years, and he doesn’t so..
We practice on a parking lot.

But he said I did good, and afterwards we went to the McDonald to get a hamburger, before going back to his house.

I’m very happy that he’ll keep teaching me, and I love him for his support and patience.
I really need to get my license soon, for my education but also simply because of the freedom.
To be able to ride anywhere I want, get away whenever I want.
I would be able to drive whenever we went out with his friends, which enables him to drink a bit more.
I could take him to places myself, without having to depend on trains or buses.
I wouldn’t need to get back on those fully stuffed buses in the morning.
With teenage moms/young poor mothers with loud, screaming/crying babies on it…
No, peace and quiet.
I could get used to that.

Also, because my temporary license is going to expire the 30th of December… 
And he is going to help me achieve that.
For that, I love him so much.

I hope there will be more lessons like this one, calm, patient, not too fast, …
And I hope that I will FINALLY learn, and will be able to do it by myself.

I really , really want to learn how to drive, I’m just…scared.
I hope he’ll be able to get me over that fear somehow.

I really do.
Fingers crossed…



That Sweet Boy Of Mine

About twenty minutes ago I suddenly got a text from my boyfriend asking me if I was already sleeping, I answered that I wasn’t, so he asked if he could stop by for a few minutes.

I was admit that I was surprised.
It wasn’t the first time that he’d do this after his training, but it sure was the first time that he suggested it.
And that he wanted to stop by after just recently seeing me, only yesterday.

It was very sweet, and loving.
How he came in and instantly hugged me close.
Telling me how much he missed me, even though it’s been less than a day.

How he needed this to make his day good, to make my day good.
And we just stood there, kissing, hugging, …
My heart skipped a few beats.

How I love that boy.

How he still keeps surprising me from time to time… 


Not Broken, Just Bent

Silently she lay beside him in the bed.
She has been for the last thirty minutes.
Her back facing him.
His hand slide over her arm, gently.
But she just couldn’t take it right now.
“Don’t…” she softly whispered.
She could feel the hesitation in his movement.
But he decided to stop.
So they just awkwardly lay next to each other in silence.

After a while his hand came back, searching for hers.
He tried to fit his fingers in the spaces between hers.
She pushed his hand away before sitting up in the bed.

Her head in her hands.
She could hear his breath change.
He had no idea what was going on.
She could feel her heart break right there.
Suddenly she couldn’t keep it in anymore.
Tears streamed down her cheeks.
Like rivers running wild.

He instantly sat up in the bed, looking at her shaking shoulders as she silently cried her heart out.
“oooh baby…” he said before wrapping his arms tightly around her.
He held her closer than ever.
“my poor little sweet beautiful baby…”
Her heart broke even more.
How could life be so cruel and beautiful at the same time?

It felt as if everything had been crashing down on her for the past four weeks.
The only thing that made it more or less bearable was that look in his eyes.
Those whispers in her ear telling her how much he loved her.
She know he did. She knows he does. As does she.
So why had it become so hard all of a sudden?

The sobbing got more intense.
There was sound now.
The sound of someone who had just broken.
“I feel as if I’m sucking the life out of you.
I feel such a burden sometimes.
I’m so hopelessly broken.
I’m so lost. So hopeless.
Things have been so hard lately.
You have been the only thing that was good.
That is good.
You’re the one keeping me from hurting myself again.
Your love is saving me.” she slowly said, sobbing at the same time.
Her cheeks all wet with salt tears.

He took her by her chin and turned her to face him.
“Our love baby. Our love.
I love you. That’s the only thing that matters.
That’s the most important.
That’s all you need to know.
You don’t know yourself anymore?
I do.
You’re beautiful, sweet, caring, loving…
You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.
You’re my true love.
My everything.
My heart and soul. My reason for living.
But you know when you’re even more beautiful?
When you smile. So please baby, love of mine, do smile.
Don’t hide the beauty of your smile.”

Lovingly he wiped away her tears.
After doing so he left his hand on her cheek.

“I love you”, he whispered.
“and you’re not broken, not at all. You may have some cracks, but don’t we all?
No one is without scars.
And I even love you with them.
You take away mine, so please, let me take away yours.
Let me bent you.”

She took in a deep breath.
“It may not look like it,” she said, while looking down to her lap wet from her tears “but I do love you as well. So damn much.”

He laughed, and she couldn’t help laughing as well.
It was a rather faint laugh, but it was a laugh.
He looked into her eyes deeply.
“We’re going to make it love. Our love is going to make it. Have faith.
Life will get better.
And if it won’t, I’ll always be here to hold you, listen to you, cheer you up when it gets too much.
I’ll never let you down.
That’s a promise.”




Flowers are coming out,
revealing themselves.
Shining bright in the sun.

Temperature is getting warmer.
Time to wear those tops and shorts.
Short skirts.
Summer dresses.

People start to come back out in the open again.
Going for a swim.
A romantic pick nick.
Or just a casual walk.

The days seem brighter.
Full of live.
Of love.

People smile.
Happiness is all around.
Everywhere you look.
The darkness is gone.

Light has won once more.
Spring has finally defeated Winter.
Spring, a new beginning, conquered the cold, long , dark, depressing Winter.
All is well now.

All is good.
The world is lighting up.


I Wonder Because It’s All That I Can Do

Why did you have to go
and leave me behind?
What is it that I’ve done wrong?
Wasn’t I good enough?

The love we had was so intense, passionate.
The kind of love most people can only dream of.
We were best friends, brother and sister, lovers.
We were childish as infants, mature as adults.

We were so in love.
What went wrong?
Where did we go wrong?
I still don’t know…

Love went away.
The fire went gone.
The flame going out.
A love divided.

Are you happy now?
Are you already seeing someone new?
Do you regret leaving?
Do you still think about me?

Do you even care?
I wonder.
Because it’s all that I can do now.
Thinking. Wondering. As I desperately wait for your return.


Life Your Life To The Fullest

Never let them get to you.
Never let them take you down.
Break your spirit.
Tell you who you are.

You’re the only person that truly knows where you come from,
where you’re now and where you’ll go.
Your story is yet to be written, 
so take the pen and write it yourself.

Do things your way,
but make sure to listen to other’s advice.
Accept help when you need it,
when you can’t do it on your own.

Find someone to pick you up when you’ve fallen down.
Someone to have your back.
Someone to always love
and support you.

Find a reason to be happy.
Either by finding a good love, 
raising your children,
or building your own home.

Find happiness in hobbies.
Play music.

But whatever you do,
whatever you decide.
Make sure to never forget 
to live your life to the fullest.


True Love…

True love isn’t about beauty or good looks, it’s about loving the other person for who they are.
It’s about loving not only the good, but also the bad.
True love is about being different on some points, but instead of seeing it either black or white, be able to see it as gray and make something special out of it.
It’s about loving the other person not only for what they are, but also for what they can be.
It’s about seeing their potential. To be greater than they believe themselves.
It’s about looking further than the outside, and be prepared and willing to see what else is there to see.
It’s about patience.
It’s about loving what’s inside.