This Will Be The Last Time

As I was listening to my music today there was one thing that struck me, listening to the lyrics.

As you know, most songs are about love, so were these and most of them was about how we’re lost
without love and the effect people we love can have on us.

I heard this one song “first defeat” by Noah Gunderson (link in the bottom, give it a listen, beautiful song) about how his girl pushes him away and pulls him back time and time again…

It’s about how he finds it hard to keep her away when she throws herself right back at him.

I think most of us knows what that feels like, loving someone so much it hurts..
It doesn’t work when you’re together
but you can’t live without each other either.
It’s poison. A toxic relationship.

Every time when you fight and one of the two runs out you swear it’s the last time but like Noah sings:

“It’s the little things, that convince me to stay”

Each and every single time there are still these one or two little things that convince you to stay, although you know you should’ve left…

I may be in a very happy, loving, respectful relationship now and have been for the past three years, for which I’m eternally grateful, but I wasn’t always.

I’ve been used
cheated on
used again…

I’ve been in a toxic relationship for years
He was charming, and sweet
when he wanted to
when he was in a good mood
and he was unbelievably beautiful
a true god
I’ve only I would have known sooner what he really was

He was very fluent with words
had a golden tongue
Whenever he opened his mouth
or smiled
he could make you believe pretty much anything
which he did
for years and years

even when I was together with My Love
he still wouldn’t let me go
I was his
and always would be

He threw me out whenever he felt like it
and pulled me back whenever he felt like it

He constantly cheated on me
lied to me
used me
mentally abused me

and still he could make me believe that I was the bad guy
that I did him wrong

his kiss, his smile
pure toxic
one kiss, one smile
and I was back in

It took me years and years to cut him loose

Even to this day
he still won’t leave me alone
thank god for My Love
who stands by my side
and supports me
and defends me
and talks some sense into me whenever The Other One tries to reel me back in

so please, if this sounds familiar to you
note this very well:
It’s not your fault
and no matter how “happy” or “special” he (or she) sometimes makes you feel: it’s not real.
It’s all part of an act.
Deep down inside you know you’re not really happy.

It’s nothing compared to the real stuff
trust me

Find help and support in your friends
Don’t try to deal with this on your own
Don’t underestimate the effect it has on you
Don’t lie for him/her
Don’t try to make them better by telling stories about them

Write everything down if you must
all the wrong things they did to you
all the lies
the hurt
all the nights you cried your eyes out

Read it
Look at it
and face it

Find support
a listening ear

But the first real step is up to you
Let it go
Let them go

Tell yourself you’re better than that
You deserve better

Leave
and never look back

Trust me, it’s not worth it.

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