Proud Of Who I Am

I don’t have many girl friends, in fact, right now I can only think of one good girl friend I have.
That I can always talk to.
But then again, she has a group of other friends as well.
I’m alone.

I have an amazing boy best friend though, we’ve been friends for about 5-6 years now.
I can ALWAYS count on him.
He’s my darling , my big brother, my rock.
Sometimes it’s hard to be able to see each other without our boyfriend/girlfriend though.

And of course I have my love
the love of my life
the light in my existence.
He’s never let me down.

We’ve been through so much together and even now that I’m the reason we lost our chance for freedom, for happiness (see previous post), he’s still the one comforting me while I’m crying next to him.
Saying how guilty I feel that we lost our dream apartment…

He’s been a dear the past days…
I love him so much.

I know I have no fault in the matter whatsoever , people come and go in the nursing home, but still…
I’ve been so frustrated because he used to be the one that couldn’t find a regular job, working interims.
And now I’m the big problem… the one with no job
and barely savings…

It’s all going bad again…
all going wrong
It all comes crashing down.. once more…

And God… I hope I can make it through this one as well
because I don’t know how much strength I have left in me…

For now, I don’t want to be working in a nursing home no more…
I’m so upset about the way employees are often treated there…
the way things go…
more has to be done with less people…
people that get put on a toilet, left behind with the door open in a hallway where people come and go
the not properly washing of people…
the gossiping about residents in the hall…

That’s not why I became a nurse.
That’s not why I fought so hard to become one.
I became a nurse to take care of people
to make their lives better
to help make the world a better, more beautiful world.
One smile, one “thank you” at the time.

I love my job.
Even though some people look down at me.
Yes, I’m the one changing the diapers.
Yes, I’m the one washing everyone.
Yes, I’m the one that gives them their food and help them eat.
Yes, I’m the one that cleans up the “little accidents” that happen.

But I’m also the one they ask for.
I’m also the one that comforts them when they feel sad.
I’m the one that knows all their secrets, their wishes, feelings, hopes and dreams.
I’m the one they love to see coming in their room.
I’m the one they give a kiss to in the morning.
I’m the one they have cute nicknames for.

I love my job.
And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

And one day, I’ll find a nursing home that will see that too.



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