A Drop Too Much

The last post I wrote was about my work.
It was then that I decided to quit my first job and to start somewhere else where I would be able to work fulltime with various other benefits.
It all seemed so perfect…

My love and I were visiting apartments, starting to realize that we had the possibility to make the move, take the step. Rent our own place.

I started at my new job, and three days later -after two days of work- right after my love told me that we’d go for our own apartment, that we’ll contact some sellers, my phone rang.
It was the director of the nursing home I worked in.
She called me and said that she had some bad news for me.
That afternoon, there had been a meeting.

And I was fired.
No obvious reason why just a bunch of bullshit over the phone…
I was fired.
After barely 2 days of working there…

What was supposed to be a dream became an instant nightmare…
A steady, solid, regularly paid job with benefits
all gone.
Suddenly, for the first time in my life, I was unemployed.

I tried to defend myself over the phone for as far as I was able to speak, but it didn’t even matter.
There were colleagues that wanted me gone.
Why? I still have no idea. I’m still waiting for the paper with their reason to fire me so rudely.

My world was crushed in that one moment.
No job.
No money.
No apartment.
No life of our own.
No freedom.
No nothing…

and even now, almost 5 days later I’m still just so … upset.
If a contract doesn’t hold… if people can always fire you and get rid of you like a bag of dirt just like that…
if we have no security at all…

They crushed my dreams.
They humiliated me by forcing me to go to “work” the next morning, since it’s not legal to fire someone over the phone. I needed a paper, black on white, that said that I wasn’t welcome there anymore.

I was there for an hour and a half, standing in the meeting room with all those faces pointed at me.
Everyone knew that I wasn’t supposed there anymore.
You could see which were the ones that wanted me gone…
I’ve never felt so humiliated in my life…
and I cried while I got dressed into my uniform, oh Lord did I cry…

Why? What did I do wrong?
Was I that bad?

That afternoon when I was back home again, I started sending out resumes, I’ve send over 25.
That day I got one reaction.
The day after another one.
None of them is good though.

I’m a bit broken right now, I’m still fighting though, but it hurts…
It’s just another knife in my back.
It’s something that needs time to heal.
I’ll forget, but I will never forgive.

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