I’m Trying Not To Let Go

I think of you , and my heart just breaks.
I think of all the beautiful, perfect moments we shared.
The laughter. The crying. The hurt. The passion. The love. The desire.
The way you used to look at me, as if nothing else mattered.

Those memories, they break my heart.
They bring tears to my eyes, but I blink them away.
I’m sick and tired of crying, because it’s what I’ve been doing for the past months
and still I get the feeling that I’ve lost you.

Over the months I could feel you slipping away.
I tried everything to hold you close, keep you tight.
I picked you up when you were down, I held you in my arms when you were sad.
I cheered you up with my stupid comments whenever you didn’t feel like laughing.
I was always there, right by your side.

Right by your side, and yet you felt so far away…
It was as if you were swimming in the sea and the waves were taking you farther away from me.
Into the deep, blue ocean.
It was as if you were drowning, and I was just witnessing it. Unable to do anything. Anything at all.

I watched you sink into a big black hole and I felt so damn useless…
I tried literally everything.
I took my distance, I stayed close, I came over, I suggested that you’d take some time alone with you and your best friend(s).
That you’d have more freedom. Go out if that’s what you wanted to do.

I got mad, I yelled and screamed and cried…
So much that it literally hurt my heart.. badly…
But nothing seemed to get through to you.
It was as if you were living in a totally different world..

I really hope that finally, it’s gotten through.
I hope that I’ll hear from you, soon.
Or that you’ll stand here before my door.
That you show me that you understand me, and are willing to work on it.

I really hope that I didn’t really lose you.
But I can’t shake this feeling, that I already have…

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2 thoughts on “I’m Trying Not To Let Go

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