The Rough Part

“I can’t keep doing this”, she said.
“Keep doing what, baby?” He asked, his heart beating fast with anxiety.
“I try so hard to be naughty in the bedroom, sexy, challenging, teasing, but you don’t even move.
I’m doing my best to take your mind of things, keeping you busy, going away, doing things, visiting places,… but it’s just no good. You keep being all dark and gloomy.
You smile, but you don’t really smile. Not like you used to. We make love, and it’s good, but it’s not passionate, it’s not something you fully want. You fully enjoy. You’re doing it to please me.
I can tell by the look in your eyes. I know you better than you think. 
And I’m trying so hard to please you, make you happy. I do my best to bring back the passion, to make love again like it used to be.
But your rejection… it just hurts.
And I can’t keep myself going through that.
I can only take so much.”
She said, tears choking her throat.
Her eyes filling.

“Baby… I never rejected you, and I never will.
I still find you very beautiful and sexy and attractive.” He quickly reacted.
“Yes, but you don’t WANT me anymore. You don’t want to jump my bones, push me against a wall and kiss me hard anymore. You don’t desire me anymore. Touch me whenever you feel like it. Your hands just stay on mine, they don’t go travel and explore anymore. I’m just afraid that I’m losing you, I feel it more and more everyday. Even though I know you still love me so much, and I do too.
I just see and feel you slipping into that dark place where I can’t reach you anymore.
Where nothing I say or do is able to help, or even make a difference.
And it terrifies me, it really does.
Just watching you lose yourself, and not being able to do anything about it.
Nothing, but standing nearby and witness it. It’s a horrible , horrible feeling.”

She couldn’t fight the tears anymore as they started streaming down her cheeks.
Her shoulders shuddering with every inhale.
He just sat helplessly next to her. Watching her.
“Baby…” he whispered as he pulled her into his arms.
Her whole body was shaking now.
She was crying her heart out, throwing it all out. 
Everything that she’d been afraid to say.
He lovingly stroked her hair out of her face as his hand caressed her cheek like only he could.
Ever so softly.

“My dear baby… I love you, more than you could even know. Words just can’t explain.
I love you for always being there for me, supporting me. You always have my back.
You love and protect me, take care of me.
You forgive my mistakes, and love me nonetheless.
You’ll never, ever lose me love.
Not as long as there’s anything I can do about it.
Please baby, don’t cry.
You’re much more beautiful when you smile.
Show me that beautiful smile of yours, I know it’s somewhere down there.

”
“I just feel so helpless, so utterly useless…” she managed to say while crying.
“Baby,” he took her face in his hands and forced her to look him in the eyes.
“You are NOT useless, you’ll never be. Never were. You’re everything to me.”
He wiped away her tears and kissed her sweetly.
After the kiss she looked into his eyes and smiled a faint smile.
Then he held her close, as long as was needed.

Something told her the two of them would be just fine.
They could handle it.

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