Everybody’s Got A Dark Side

I believe that everybody’s got a dark side.

I myself for example, may look rather normal, but I really like dark things.

For one, I kind of look up to Jack The Ripper. Not because he murdered a lot of (innocent) people, but because up till now no one knows who he was.
And I don’t think anyone ever will.
Talking about committing the perfect murder.
You have to give the man some kind of respect for that, I know I do.

Secondly: As told before in one of my previous posts, I’m obsessed with vampires. Not the Twilight version (although I have nothing against Twilight, I have the books, seen all the movies in theatre, have the dvd’s, have a movie poster and so on..), I just don’t consider Twilight vampires being actual vampires. They  barely even have the fangs.
The Vampire Diaries is a lot better that way. There’s still the romantic part of vampires, but also the blood-sucking monstrosity. They still tear the skin of the human neck to get what they so desperately crave for: human blood.
This is why this serie is one of my all time favorites.
I like every aspect of vampires. The either blood sucking ‘monsters’, the supernatural beings, the half gods, the immortal being that they are. All their feelings, their pain, their love, their life, …
I’ve been researching for as long as I can remember. And up till this day, they still fascinate me so much. There’s so much left to learn about them.
It’s one of my lifelong dreams to someday meet one.
Yes, you read it correctly, meet one. I believe that vampires truly exist, just not the way they look in the movies. 
I believe that they have adapted themselves to this age,this time. 
But I’ll probably write a post about my opinion and vision on vampires later.

Third: I adore the color black, along with red, it’s my all time favorite color. There’s a post where I explained why I like this color so much before, but since I can’t seem to find it back, I’ll just shortly repeat the most important things. 
For me, black stands for beauty, elegance and style. It’s chique, fancy.
Also, it’s the color of the night. Dark Black. The night is when I feel most at ease. Alive one might say. It’s when I get my best ideas. Think the most, a benefit of being sleepless all the time I think. Long live insomnia. 

Fourth: One of my other dark passions used to be Wicca, white magic. Witchcraft. I used to love it so much, it was a way for me to express myself, it helped me find out who I am and what I’m capable of.
Sadly, life got real and I had to focus on things like school, relationships, friends, domestic things… so I kind of lost touch with Wicca.
I’m determined to pick it back up someday soon though, who knows, since I quit school I got plenty of time left on my hands while I’m looking for a job. I might start again sooner than I thought. More on Wicca later.

Fifth:  Ever since I was a little girl, I always felt different. Sad. Misunderstood. Left out.
For example, when I was very little (younger than ten years) I used to believe that I was actually adopted, and that that was the reason why my mom would be so hard on me from time to time. Because I wasn’t her biological child.
I believe that somewhere out there there was a mother who regretted giving me up once, and who wanted nothing more than having me back in her arms. Who’d be loving, caring.
Not that I had such a bad youth, but it helped when times got rough, which they surely did from time to time.
I guess that even back then, I had a lot of imagination.
Also, ever since I began writing, my texts would be rather sad, dark. Talking about the bad things that had happened to me, deaths in the family and broken hearts. Bad thoughts I had from time to time, when I’d hurt myself.
I felt as if I only knew the dark side of life, as if I’d grown up in it.
It felt familiar, safe.

Sixth: I’m terrified of death. I know a lot of people are, but for me it really is the most horrifying thing in the world. Not knowing if my death will be full of pain, or if I’ll peacefully pass away in my sleep. 
Will my life truly end after I die, my existence? Or will I live on , but just in another world, another dimension?
Not knowing all of this truly frightens me.

Seventh: I absolutely adore Gothic things. The culture, the clothing (especially the corsets and the medieval alike dresses).
I also love the dark, mysterious music of Evanescence and Within Temptation a lot. I can relate to the feelings of pain, loss and feeling useless, powerless very well.
I used to feel that way almost constantly. I’d smile, but it would be nothing more than a mask that I’d be wearing.
Also, I adore horror. They are my most beloved movies and books. I absolutely love scary things, although I can’t stand being in a haunted house, not even on the fair.
I can enjoy movies like saw for example, although those are not my favorite kinds of horror. My favorite horror movies are those involving ghosts, those with an actual story. Mysteries.
The haunting, Haunting at the beacon and many many others.

Eighth: I believe in ghosts. Ghosts, as in the lost souls of people who had died suddenly or violently. Ghosts, as in the lost souls of people who don’t even realize that they have passed.
Ghosts, as in the souls of people that can’t go to the light, since they haven’t fulfilled their final task. 
Those kind of ghosts, I believe in. I’m a believer. I know that there are many people who don’t, or call it nonsense, but still. There is prove, not that much, and not all of it is real, but there is proof.
Just like vampires and witchcraft, it’s something that I’ve been researching for years, I even used to keep files of my research results.
Maybe I still have it laying around here somewhere.

So you see, these are parts of my dark side, or what it is that I consider my dark side to be. 
My dark side doesn’t outweigh my light side, they are in perfect balance, and I like to keep them that way.
I believe that a dark side is needed too. 
I believe that everyone needs to find out what their dark side is, look at it, stare in the bottomless depth of it. And see it staring back at you.
Don’t be afraid, it’s only a part of you that you need to look in the eyes. When you do, and you conquer it, embrace it. You’ll find yourself stronger than before.
Good luck.

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