Sick & Tired

I’m kind of in a dark place right now. Have been for a few weeks, but the past weekend had made me feel a lot better. And then I made a big mistake, I came home. I came home, and I had forgotten who was there. That the people there hadn’t changed.
I had a big fight at home tonight, again. But this time , it wasn’t just my mom and dad, my sister was fighting with me to. Which hurt even more.
I was called selfish, and made fun of. My mother once again threatened to kick me out of the house. It’s not the first time.
It was the first time however, that I was so completely sick of it, of all of this, their (especially hers) criticism on everything that I do, the way they keep treating me as a little child (especially my mother again), the way she keeps threatening over and over again to kick me out…
And I felt the urge to scream that if that’s what she wants, that I’d just pack my things and leave.
The problem is that I have no idea where I would go to.
I could go to my grandmother, who lives just a street away, but since she has no internet and I need internet for my schoolwork, that’s not really an option.
And it hurts. It hurts to get pushed down like this every single time again.
It hurts, that apparently my parents don’t care what it is that I actually do at school, or what I’m working on. It hurts, that apparently all that does matter about school, are my grades “Since that’s all that really matters, Britt”.
It hurts, that my parents don’t know me, and don’t even try to get to know me.
They don’t know what music I like to listen to, they don’t know my talents, hell… they didn’t even know that I have a blog. Even though I talk about it constantly, and how proud I am of it.
But still, whenever we’re fighting, they are sure that they know everything about me, have me all figured out.
They don’t even know if my writings are any good, and what it is that I write about.
They are never “opgewonden/siked”  for me whenever I’m being excited about something. Or when I’m really really proud of something.
They don’t know, they don’t ask, they don’t care.
It hurts.
And I’m so sick of it all. These fights over school, my boyfriend, me…

So sick of the fighting . And school for that matter.
I want to work, not study.
I want to earn money, make money, instead of just spending my parents’ .

I want to be able to get a place on my own, maybe with my boyfriend, and just start my own life.
Live by my own rules.
I want to be treated like a grown-up, instead of being treated like I’m still some teenage rebel.
I want a way out, and I want it fast. I need it.

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