Today is a day full of challenges.
Getting to the bus on time, finding a proper seat to sit in the Ghent-Saint-Peters station, surviving my first Wednesday evening without my boyfriend by my side, finishing as much work as I probably can for my drawing/designing class, creations. And especially the last one is going to be a major challenge, especially since –even though I’ve slept about 8 hours at least- I still feel so so tired. I have been feeling a lot like that lately. Exhausted. As if I have no energy left, no matter what I do or how much I sleep.
I think it’s because of the working pressure, coming from school. Since the past few weeks we had so much things that needed to be finished and handed in.
Which causes a lot of stress.
And maybe I’m just getting a bit sick, since everywhere around me people seem to be sick as well.
Although I sure hope I’m not, since exams are only about a month away.
And since I have some major things planned. Well, not major major, but most important to me.
First night that I’ll spend the night with my boyfriend on a weekend out with his floor ball teammates.
They have to play early Sunday morning, in the other part of the country (we live in the middle of Belgium, close to Brussels, and the match is in southern Belgium, in the French part).
So that’s why we already go there Saturday evening and spent the night there in a hotel.
I’m so looking forward to it.
No matter what happens, as long as I can fall asleep in his arms, and see his beautiful face in the morning , it ‘ll be perfect. Heaven.
He truly is one of the best things that ever happened to me in my still so early and young life.
Although, I’m not that young anymore.
I’m twenty years old now, studying at university, doing a first year for the second time (last year I studied for teacher in high school, the courses English and History, but failed terribly. Apparently , I have trouble speaking in front of a big group. This year I’m studying Graphical and digital ‘design. Which is pretty much the same as what I did in my last three years of high school, only much, much harder.)
and well… I can’t help but think about where I stand in my life, what I’ve accomplished so far, and what I didn’t.
I can’t cook (well… I can bake an egg, or bacon and eggs, or eggs and apples, … but that’s pretty much it.. and I can fry things… wow….), I don’t have a job, still have no real idea what I want to do with my life , what my perfect job would be, what I’d like to do (my dream always was to be a high school history and English teacher but well… that dream fell apart last year. Crushed. Burned to the ground. Broke my heart, still kind of does, because I KNOW I’m good at history. I’ve proved that multiple times.
My specialty is Ancient Egypt and Ancient Greece. I love the Middle Ages as well. History always fascinated me. It has been my passion for as long as I can remember.
The stories most of all. Love the myths.
So it was logical that I wanted to be a teacher, and I choose English as a second course since it’s pretty much my favourite language. Sometimes, I can even express myself better in English than I can in Dutch, although Dutch’s my mother tongue.
English makes everything sounds lovelier.
I fell in love with England about five years ago, when I first went there with school.
But I’ll come back to my England-trips later.
And a teacher well.. because I like helping and inspiring people. Just like my teachers did with me.
But like I said, that dream fell apart.
And about what I’m studying right now.. I’m not too sure.
I’ll see what happens, but I have some doubts.
Like I told before in the post ‘Breakdown’.
I’ll do my best though.
Oh well, just have to be strong right now and do my very best.
See what I can do and make the most out of it.
Work hard, don’t look back ,don’t give in , don’t give up.
That kind of thing.
So wish me luck, cause it ‘ll be a long day today…
The other things I think of, concerning my age is:
I’m ALREADY twenty. I’m supposed to graduate in a few years from now, be working, maybe have a baby in about ten years from now, have a family, move out, live on my own with maybe (hopefully!) a boyfriend, or a husband, who knows…
It may sound silly, but these are things I actually think of every now and then.
And I want to be able to do that.
It’s just… some kind of pressure as well.
Because if you want a good job, you need to graduate a university.
If you want to live on your own, you need a lot of money.
On the other hand, I’m still young.
Maybe time will show me what to do.