Fighting For What’s Left

I’m in this situation where I want someone to stay in my life so badly, but it just seems to go wrong.
He’s an ex, and we didn’t date for a long time, couple of weeks, but now we just can’t seem to talk anymore.
We see each other everyday, since we have to take the same bus to school (my school’s next to his).
And it’s hard for me to just… ignore him.
To act like I don’t know who he is, because I know damn well.
We used to be great friends before we started dating.
Every morning, when I’d arrive with the train I’d walk in the right part of the great hallway in Ghent- Saint – Peter’s station, right up to the point where he’d be standing, waiting for me.Then I’d walk up to him, say hello and get one of those great hugs that partly made me fall in love with him.
He was so sweet and caring, even though there was an age difference.
I was older.
But we didn’t work as a couple. It  just .. didn’t work out for me. It felt… I don’t really know. Just not right. As if we were better as friends.
It hurt when we broke up, really did.
And now, so many months later, I still try to be in his life someway.
Right now, I can’t even say hello to him. Because he says that it hurts him to even see me everyday.
No more hugs, no more talks…

Call me a bitch, but I couldn’t stand losing this boy in every way.
I can’t stand seeing him everyday, imagining what it felt like to be hugged by  him in that way , …
I can’t stand acting like he never existed.
Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean that I still have love-feelings for him, that I’m still in love with him.
It’s just means that I miss what we used to be before the dating.
Everyone says that I should just give up on him, but I won’t.
Because I know how great he can be. How sweet, happy, joyful.
I know what’s inside, and even though a lot of that happiness left when I did, I know there’s still some of it inside of him.
And I won’t give up on trying to get it back someday.
I hope I will succeed, ’cause this boy is too damn important to just lose.


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