Late Night Thoughts

You know how people always say that you miss something as soon as it’s gone? 
That only when you lost it, you fully realized how much it meant to you.
Well.. I’m kinda an expert on that feeling. There are persons, things, hobbies, .. that I never cared about THAT much, but now that they’re gone.. I kinda miss them.
And then you have the other moments, where you though a particular person was your whole world, that if you’d lose that person, your world would just crash and burn.
That he/she was the love of your life, the true love.
And then one day you just realize that they’re not.
Or friends that used to be super important to you , that now never talk to you anymore and you’re just like “meh, fine by me” about it.
I’m in both situations really.
There is something that I miss, not all of it, but a part. And maybe that is because I’m kind of jealous, because the other persons are responding much differently than I am.
While I miss it and have a hard time letting go of it, they’re just fine. Great even.
I miss them,I miss what we used to have.
Because well, it was great.
And even though on the outside I’m pretending not to care and to actually let go of it indeed, the best I can, it’s hard.
Because they were such a huge part of my life, and to me, you don’t just go and throw that all away.
But it has to come from both sides, and I guess that won’t be happening anytime soon.
So I’m kind of getting over it.
I just don’t want to care about it no more. I’m done with it.
In the past year, I’ve changed. A lot. Even though no one really seems to notice.
Things that I’ve been threatening with for a while, I’ve finally found the courage to actually do.
I became more adult, even though I’m pretty sure that there are lots of people who’ll disagree with me, but I did grow up, in some ways. In my ways of thinking for example, my way of clothing. Which doesn’t mean though that I can never go and walk around in a corset and act all stupid and childish as well.
Growing up has nothing do to with being serious. Au contraire, I see adults acting crazy and hilarious everyday. It’s called having fun people.
So I’m kind of tired of hearing the sentence “Britt, how old are you? Behave like a twenty year old should!”.
Because well, if I can’t smile, make some stupid/funny comments and remarks, then how am I supposed to be acting? Just sit there, smile and nod when asked to?
Sorry to disappoint you then, but that ‘ll never be me.
I’ll grow up, eventually, but I’ll always be a bit crazy as well.
And you know what, if you don’t like that, well… then I feel sorry for you.
Because that means that you have lost your inner child.
And that’s what I’d find horrible.
My inner child is what keeps me young.
What keeps me acting crazy, and allows me to have fun. What TEACHES me to have fun.
It’s a part of me that I’m very proud of to still possess.
So, from the bottom of my heart, grow up, but please, please, stay young and crazy as well.
Let your inner child be free, and enjoy having it.

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