Reflection

Travelling by train is a wonderful experience for me. I love to travel by train -if they are on time that is-. And how could it now be? You’re sitting in a perfect comfortable chair, and have a huge window to look out of. You see all kinds of wonderful things outside: forests, fields, houses, villages, …

But for me, it’s so special, since every time that I am on the train, it makes me think. About all kinds of stuff. What have I done with my life so far? Did I use every opportunity I had? Who are my real friends? And what do I define as friendship? Am I happy right now? What would’ve/could’ve I done better? Did I made the right choice in love? … These kinds of deep questions invade my mind everyday.

And most of the time, I find an answer on them. While I’m on the train of course.

Some of these questions are hard to answer, while other’s answers are hard.

That much self reflection could make you sad for a while.

Take for example the “what have I done with my life so far?” question. Well… I was born, grew up, became eighteen, graduated when I was 19 and then went to college where I failed my first year and started a new year in a totally different way.

oh, and I got together with the cutest boy ever, my boyfriend.

Tadaam, my life so far. I think.

Most people my age are either almost finished with college, or are already working. Or they are in their like second year at least.

Well.. not me.

I just stay stuck in the chaos and abnormality that is my life.

Which brings me to the next question: “Did I use every opportunity that I had?” short answer: No.

I know I’m not stupid -at least, I hope I’m not- and maybe I could’ve done more , in high school, in college,… I know I didn’t take things that were offered to me. Like help with my problems, since I was sure that I could’ve solved them on myself. Which often turned out differently. So I had to live with the consequences. My mistakes, my bad.

“Who are my real friends?” Simple, the ones that don’t judge, and are always there for me, always there to cheer me up, talk to me, … even if they don’t see me every day, every week, every month… Some of my best friends, I only see couple of times a year. And a female best friend of mine I see only once a year.

But that’s true friendship: The distance or time in between doesn’t matter, they’re always be there for you. No matter what.

Which immediately answered the “what do I define as friendship?”-question. Friendship is when you don’t judge your friends, or blackmail them to meet up. You don’t always have to see each other constantly, to be there for each other when that’s needed. Friends, true friends were always there for you, always are and always will. No matter the time and distance in between.

“Am I happy right now?” Short answer: Yes. Or pretty much anyway. Because I have wonderful friends, the most awesome classmates, the most loving, caring boyfriend ever. Can’t help it, just feel like getting up in the morning to myself “yet another beautiful day”, even though the skies are grey, cold and/or wet. I just feel happy. Like I have everything I need.

“What would’ve/could’ve I’ve done better?” well… school probably. I’m terrible with school, always have, always will. It gives me so much stress and makes me feel soooo unsure. It’s terrible.

Luckily, I have friends/great classmates and my boyfriend to support me.

And also in love, I’ve dated some guys which I wished I would’ve never met. Because they were waaaayyy too bad experiences.

“Did I made the right choice in love?” Ab-so-lut-ely! There is no doubt. I love my boyfriend to bits, and it’s different then with any other boyfriend. This is .. deeper. Better. A more serious relationship. I don’t regret my choice to be with him for a second. The only thing concerning him that I do regret, is that I didn’t get together with him sooner. Even though he wanted me to so badly.

So these are some of things that I think of whenever I’m on the train, just like I was when I wrote this whole text.

It’s good to evaluate yourself, your life from time to time. Just , like all things, don’t overdo it.
Have a nice day.

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