People who know me, know that I’m a very sensitive, yet quite strong person.
I deal with death everyday in my job, I shed a tear every single time and I mourn but I get over it as well if one of the persons I cared for, took care of and looked after dies…
I can handle bad news, as long as I still got my love by my side.
I can handle pressure.
I can handle lack of sleep.
I can handle it.
Sometimes I break
but today is not that day.
But sometimes, it just gets too much.
I’m in that kind of place right now.
I was in a desperate need of some rest, some time off with my love.
And then I got home and heard bad news… twice.
I know it’s probably just life being a bitch again, testing how much I can handle.
And although I cried in my car on my way to work, I still didn’t break.
I’m still very sensitive, and I’m still me.
But somehow, I got harder too. Stronger. Tougher.
Because I keep my goal in mind.
Whenever work was hard, whenever I shut myself in the toilet for a few minutes just to ease the pain in my back and shoulders, or just to straighten things out for myself I just keep in mind that I’m doing what I love, no matter how hard it sometimes get.
I keep in mind that I’m doing it for my biggest dream: being able to live alone with the love of my life.
Our own little apartment. Our own home.
It’s what keeps me going.
It’s my strength.
My goal.
I miss those blue eyes
How you kiss me at night
I miss the way we sleep
Like there’s no sunrise
Like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe
But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything about you
I can’t believe it, I still want you
After all the things we’ve been through
I miss everything about you
Without you, whoa…
I see your blue eyes
Every time I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to
When I’m not around you
It’s like I’m not with me
But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything about you (still you’re gone)
I can’t believe it, I still want you (And I’m lovin’ you, I never should have walked away)
After all the things we’ve been through (I know it’s never gonna come again)
I miss everything about you
Without you, whoa…
But I never told you
What I should have said
No I never told you
I just held it in
And now I miss everything about you (still you’re gone)
Can’t believe it, I still want you (And I’m lovin’ you, I never should have walked away)
After all the things we’ve been through (I know it’s never gonna come again)
I miss everything about you
Without you, whoa, no, no…
Have I ever told you before how much I need you? How I need to see you every day, or how I’ll otherwise go crazy if I don’t?
Have I ever told you how I crave for your love, your adoration? How I need to lose myself in those brown-green-grey eyes of yours?
Have I ever told you how I love falling in love with you over and over again? How I love waking up every morning knowing that you love me?
Have I ever truly told you how beautiful you make my life everyday? How happy you make me all the time?
Have I ever told you how I can feel my heart break whenever I’m missing you? How I choke away tears whenever I then look at a picture of you?
Have I ever told you just how long I have actually been in love with you, before we even started dating? How unsure I was if we would end up together? How I was secretly hoping that?
I know I haven’t told you just as much as I should have. I try to tell you, but I always get lost in my adoration of you. Admiring you. Adoring you. I love watching you more than anything else.
So love, my sweet love, don’t be mad when I say so little. If only you could read my mind… If only you could know what I’m feeling inside…
Silently she lay beside him in the bed.
She has been for the last thirty minutes.
Her back facing him.
His hand slide over her arm, gently.
But she just couldn’t take it right now.
“Don’t…” she softly whispered.
She could feel the hesitation in his movement.
But he decided to stop.
So they just awkwardly lay next to each other in silence.
After a while his hand came back, searching for hers.
He tried to fit his fingers in the spaces between hers.
She pushed his hand away before sitting up in the bed.
Her head in her hands.
She could hear his breath change.
He had no idea what was going on.
She could feel her heart break right there.
Suddenly she couldn’t keep it in anymore.
Tears streamed down her cheeks.
Like rivers running wild.
He instantly sat up in the bed, looking at her shaking shoulders as she silently cried her heart out.
“oooh baby…” he said before wrapping his arms tightly around her.
He held her closer than ever.
“my poor little sweet beautiful baby…”
Her heart broke even more.
How could life be so cruel and beautiful at the same time?
It felt as if everything had been crashing down on her for the past four weeks.
The only thing that made it more or less bearable was that look in his eyes.
Those whispers in her ear telling her how much he loved her.
She know he did. She knows he does. As does she.
So why had it become so hard all of a sudden?
The sobbing got more intense.
There was sound now.
The sound of someone who had just broken.
“I feel as if I’m sucking the life out of you.
I feel such a burden sometimes.
I’m so hopelessly broken.
I’m so lost. So hopeless.
Things have been so hard lately.
You have been the only thing that was good.
That is good.
You’re the one keeping me from hurting myself again.
Your love is saving me.” she slowly said, sobbing at the same time.
Her cheeks all wet with salt tears.
He took her by her chin and turned her to face him.
“Our love baby. Our love.
I love you. That’s the only thing that matters.
That’s the most important.
That’s all you need to know.
You don’t know yourself anymore?
I do.
You’re beautiful, sweet, caring, loving…
You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.
You’re my true love.
My everything.
My heart and soul. My reason for living.
But you know when you’re even more beautiful?
When you smile. So please baby, love of mine, do smile.
Don’t hide the beauty of your smile.”
Lovingly he wiped away her tears.
After doing so he left his hand on her cheek.
“I love you”, he whispered.
“and you’re not broken, not at all. You may have some cracks, but don’t we all?
No one is without scars.
And I even love you with them.
You take away mine, so please, let me take away yours.
Let me bent you.”
She took in a deep breath.
“It may not look like it,” she said, while looking down to her lap wet from her tears “but I do love you as well. So damn much.”
He laughed, and she couldn’t help laughing as well.
It was a rather faint laugh, but it was a laugh.
He looked into her eyes deeply.
“We’re going to make it love. Our love is going to make it. Have faith.
Life will get better.
And if it won’t, I’ll always be here to hold you, listen to you, cheer you up when it gets too much.
I’ll never let you down.
That’s a promise.”
Never let them get to you. Never let them take you down. Break your spirit. Tell you who you are.
You’re the only person that truly knows where you come from, where you’re now and where you’ll go. Your story is yet to be written, so take the pen and write it yourself.
Do things your way, but make sure to listen to other’s advice. Accept help when you need it, when you can’t do it on your own.
Find someone to pick you up when you’ve fallen down. Someone to have your back. Someone to always love and support you.
Find a reason to be happy. Either by finding a good love, raising your children, or building your own home.
Find happiness in hobbies. Play music. Dance. Sing.
But whatever you do, whatever you decide. Make sure to never forget to live your life to the fullest.
Bittersweet Romance 