The Overflowing Bucket

People who know me, know that I’m a very sensitive, yet quite strong person.
I deal with death everyday in my job, I shed a tear every single time and I mourn but I get over it as well if one of the persons I cared for, took care of and looked after dies…

I can handle bad news, as long as I still got my love by my side.
I can handle pressure.
I can handle lack of sleep.
I can handle it.

Sometimes I break
but today is not that day.

But sometimes, it just gets too much.
I’m in that kind of place right now.

I was in a desperate need of some rest, some time off with my love.
And then I got home and heard bad news… twice.

I know it’s probably just life being a bitch again, testing how much I can handle.
And although I cried in my car on my way to work, I still didn’t break.

I’m still very sensitive, and I’m still me.
But somehow, I got harder too. Stronger. Tougher.
Because I keep my goal in mind.

Whenever work was hard, whenever I shut myself in the toilet for a few minutes just to ease the pain in my back and shoulders, or just to straighten things out for myself I just keep in mind that I’m doing what I love, no matter how hard it sometimes get.
I keep in mind that I’m doing it for my biggest dream: being able to live alone with the love of my life.
Our own little apartment. Our own home.

It’s what keeps me going.
It’s my strength.
My goal.

Just like he is my life
my heart
my everything.

The One True Love Of My Life

The One True Love Of My Life

Sometimes I Cry

Sometimes I get sad, for no obvious reason at all.

Today, I got sad and the reason is quite obvious: I’m 22 years old and I’m nowhere near where I imagined I would be at this age.

I still live at home and I will be for at least a year -I fear-.
I thought that by the age of 25, I’d become a mommy, but the longer it takes for me to find my own place to live, the longer I’ll have to bury that dream. And I really, really want to be a young mommy someday soon..
So sometimes I cry, because I’m still stuck at home knowing that my dream to be a mommy won’t be happening for 5 years… at least.

I quit my first job, because it wasn’t what I expected and because I barely got a half-time, and I NEED a fulltime. I need to be able to set some money aside.
Sometimes I cry, because things I was really sure of didn’t work out the way I hoped they would be.

I had so many plans… that all kind of fell apart.
So I started crying, my love standing by my side not knowing what to do.

He talked to me about how he too had lost his dreams, standing nowhere on the age of 28.
How he wanted things to be different as well.

And then he just took me in his arms, held me and wiped away my tears saying the very best thing that someone could then say to comfort me :
“I’m here. We’ll get through this, together.” <3

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Darling

Darling

The time that I spend without you is just worthless if you ask me.
I spend my days counting the hours until we meet again, until I’ll be back in your arms.
Because laying in your arms, you stroking my skin and caressing my hair is the closest I’ll ever be to heaven.
I need you so badly that it feels like I’m not living if you’re not near.
I’d do anything for you.
If you’d ask me to die for you, I would. In a heartbeat.
Dearest, how I adore you.
How I need and love you.
You’re like the air that I breathe, the reason I get up in the morning.
You’re every beat that my heart makes.
The light in my darkness.
You truly are my one true love, the one I was destined to be with.
I’ve known it ever since you kissed me
for it was your kiss that made me feel like I finally found a home.
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.
I could use the wisest, most romantic and most beautiful words
but they wouldn’t even begin to cover my love for you.
If you’d ask me to leave everything behind
I would.
I’d give it all up, just to spend some time in your arms.
With you I don’t feel like I have to be strong all the time.
You’re the one I can be myself with.
Sometimes I crash down in your arms, I cry my heart out
when all is unfair
and then you come sweeping in, saving my life.
We’ve been through more than anyone could ever imagine.
And god, it feels so good to know that you’re mine. That you love me.
Darling, I could keep going on and on and on about my feelings for you and what it is that you do to me, but I’d rather prefer that you just kiss me right now.
Take me in your arms
kiss me the way only you can
still my tears, chase away the fears
tell me you love me
and know that no one could ever love you more
than I already do.

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Wintery Thoughts in Autumn

Sometimes we take some time to think things over, to see where we are, what we’ve achieved and what is yet to do.
I’ve been experiencing this for quite a while now.
My love and I want to move our relationship forward, we want to live together, start our own life in our own place.
We already know where we want to live, what kind of appartement we’re looking for and how we would decorate it.
But it’s only when you set a goal -in this case: start saving so we can live together in this and a year or so- that you realize how hard it ‘ll get…

I earn less money than I’d thought
I’m currently experiancing medical problems which I need to pay for
I still have debts to my love
I need to pay my car of to my parents and such…

September isn’t even over yet
and I’m pretty much out of money.

Things just don’t seem to go according to plan.

I want to set as much money aside as possible
But bills keep catching up on me.

I do not intend to give up though, I WILL save enough money to live with my love
because there’s nothing I could ever want more.

Even if I can’t buy fancy new clothes no more
Even if I can’t go to exciting places
My priorities are different now

He’s my biggest priority
our life together is.

Sometimes one needs to back up a little, take a little break so you can see the big picture better.
I know where my heart lies
I know what I want
and I know I can do it.

Life is for the dreamers that decide to make their dreams come true.

It’s very possible that we might not live together in about a year
but I know that we’ll get there, eventually.
And the harder we need to work for it, the more rewarding it ‘ll be.
I just need to do my very best and be patient.

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Crazy Weekend – Friday

So last weekend was my weekend off, and it was pumped with activities.

Friday night: first band practice -I play the saxophone- and then off to a party not far from my house with my boyfriend and his friends.
And I’m actually proud to say that I got “drunk” for the first time, ever! (and I’m 22 years old, that must be some kind of achievement, right?)
I drank a few cocktails (about 4), but I did it on a pretty much empty stomach (not a good idea, apparently) and I had gotten up early that morning (5:30 a.m) for an 8hour shift at work (HELL!) so I was pretty tired as well.
All of this (cocktails+empty stomach+supertired= “drunk” + sick)

So yeah. At first I was all happy and joyful, telling everyone I knew that I was ‘a bit tipsy because I’ve had too much too drink’, everybody loved me. 
My boyfriend still teases me with that.

And eventually, I started crying for no reason, because I didn’t know what was going on with my stomach and head, but even as I was crying, I was still kind of joyful like “oh my god, why am I crying? will you just stop it already?!” -which made my boyfriend LOL for real-
At the end: I got sick all by myself.

But the best part is:
My boyfriend took me home -I stay with him in the weekend- and put me in bed, laid right beside me and just held me in his arms as I was crying , because I felt so sick -I absolutely HATE throwing up since I always kind of choke in it-.

He held me in his arms, gently stroked my face with his fingers and just kept saying in my ear : “shhhh, I’m here now. It’s okay. Get some sleep.”

Which actually helped.
I loved him so much for that, even though I was kind of ashamed because of the way I’ve acted.
He didn’t mind though.

And neither did I when I woke up.
I’m young, I should be free to act stupid every now and then.
To make memories.
To live stories I can tell to my children, grandchildren when I’m older.
So I can be sure that I’ve lived.

It was the first time that I enjoyed that party so much
and to know that my love’s always there for me,
that he really got my back…
best feeling in the world.

To be drunk, sick and crying and fall asleep in his arms while he’s soothing you.
Waking up to him in the morning, him getting up early for practice kissing your forehead saying that you should stay in bed, get some more sleep.
That he’ll be back soon.

Best.boyfriend.Ever.

And that my loves, is true love.

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